Wht to do?

Question

We ahve kids me n my husband, I left him twice, He's done things I've done things after he did them first, ok when we got together i was so neive <-i might have misspelled it, well I was young and he did a lot of hurtfull things to me and I got pregnant really young so it was my fault for not listening to my mother I understand that but now I kinda h8 my husband I wanna leave him for good so I guess What im trying to seek is advice, Correction I do h8 him for treating me like crap!!!! And if there's any women who have gone thru it plzzz help!!!!!

We have kids * correction

I have a job and I also think he's scared b-cuz im in training to be a corrections officer, he's not supportive. Im also afraid b-cuz he said that if I leave him he won't see my kids nomore and im afraid that they will resent me in the future. So it's so much pressure cuz my lil ones. But I guess I just need a lil push.

Nooo I didnt cheat!!!!!! Misstakes as in I mistreated him and went out with my girls

He's hit me b-4 he threatens me, he's restricted me from our cars, I've had a restraing order against him already 2 so he aint no saint ok people, He got me pregnant when I was 13, he was 19, I kno it was my fault but at that time he was forcing me to cut school and he would hit me and drag me back to his house and when I found out I was pregnant I was totally clueless and now well im stuck.

Answer 1

Geta job.. geta life, geta hobbiy..
spend time with ur gf's.. u won't have time to think about anything else..

Answer 2

You are never stuck. He's emotionally blackmailing you using your children. So he's probably not a good father, because if he was, him loving his children would not be dependent upon whether you are with him or not. If he's doing things like that, it's eventually going to end sooner or later. May as well make it according to your time schedule. Don't let him know until you talk to a lawyer first, ask around, try to get a good one, then follow the lawyers advice. And personally, I would try to get all of mine, and my children's stuff together without his noticing, and if you don't want the house I would get it out if I could. If he hits you, or has in the past, this could make him think he has an excuse to do it again. He's probably just afraid that your doing something you like, so he's not the number one thing anymore, plus now you'll have money and won't need to go to him for money or get his approval before you do anything anymore. Also, you might want to make a list of things your children are going to need, such as school clothes, medical insurance, money for summer camp, school supplies, college,and afterschool activities. Try to get that included with the child support order, because later on it's really hard to do that, and your going to wish you had if he actually sticks around to pay it. And if he doesn't pay, after so many thousands of dollars owed, it becomes a federal offence, which means prison, and believe me, most people would choose to work out some kind of back payment plan over going to prison. He's making you miserable and it sounds like he has for years. He's abusive, and he's not going to be any better to your kids. Save them some misery and heartache, even if you can't do it for you. I hope this helps, God bless you and those kids!

Answer 3

Ok.. so if im understanding this correctly.. he cheated on u.. so in retaliation u cheated on him.. and since 2 wrongs dont make a right.. uve now figured out that u dont want to be with him.. yet u have a child.. so u dont know what to do????

I think u both deserve one another because although he treats u like crap instead of being the better person and being able to hold ur head up with pride and dignity, ur still actting imature by doing the.. ONE UPPING.. scenerio.. the I'll show him.. additude..

Maybe if u both put as much energy into ur marriage as u do into who can hurt who the most, u'r marriage would actually work..

Answer 4

I haven't gotten married just yet, but I can understand what you are going through. I was in a relationship for almost 12 years. With the father of my two sons. He treated me okay in the beginning but then as time progressed I started seeing different signs of him creeping. I'm the type to let things slide for a while to see if anything would change or if I was seeing too much into the change of habits. When I confronted him on more than two, three occassins he always denied it, the evidence was so clear and I knew he was cheating. It got to the point where he just forgot about me and the things that I needed to do for and with the boys. I got fed up with it and after so many times of breaking up and getting back together for the same crap I let him go. He's with one of the girls he cheated on me with and he's taking her through much of the pain and suffering he took through. I'm kinda glad because she knew we were together when they started creeping. He's miserable now because he lost the best thing that has come into his life, ME! It maybe childish but I'm glad that they are miserable. I have long since moved on, for about 7 years now. I'm meeting new people and exploring my options. I'm having fun being single.

Answer 5

We treat others how to treat us! You've got to own up to the fact that you are allowing this guy to treat you this way by continuing to stay with him. Do you want your child to learn how to treat a loved one in this manner? I don't think so...Gather up your self-respect and leave this unhealthy relationship so you can move on and find happiness and love elsewhere. You will always love him, but that doesn't mean this relationship is good for you. Sounds like you may need to take some time and take care of you and your little one for a while. Leave the past so you can work on creating a good healthy future for you and your child.

Answer 6

I hate hearing that women out there have been emotionally and phsically hurt. And why are we afraid to get out. It just dosen't seem fair. I have 5 children. I have thought about leaving, but what about the effect on the kids. My counselor says to put up with it for as long as I can. I already tried to kill myself!!! I was on a ventilator for 5 days. So if that dosen't change things,what will? I'm just dreaming of the day that I can leave..I'll just turn around and say "A little too late sucker!!!!!) I've been taking care of our 5 beautiful children and he has the nerve to have me take care of his mother here at home too.His family has treated me like ****, ever since we dated. I should have nipped it in the butt, long ago!!

Answer 7

I can totally relate to your situation. I was forced into marriage by my family when i got pregnant. We married when i was 20 and divorced when i was 22. Divorce was the best thing for us. It was not good for our child to see us arguing all the time. We just weren't happy. This may not happen for everybody, but because our son was 2 when we divorced he really doesn't know any different. But i believe if i had stayed in that marriage, it would have been awful for our child. Our child is thriving and myself and my ex-husband can actually talk without wanting to kill each other.

Answer 8

Leaving the "comfort zone" is probably the hardest part. Trust me this was the hardest part of leaving my x husband even after he cheated on me. I have two kids and wasn't working at the time and had no clue what I was going to do financially. Everything will work out if you just have faith and do it. Why stay miserable your entire life? I know I would rather be lonely than to live with someone who makes my life miserable.

Answer 9

I hope you don't take this offensively but the way that it sounds is that you are only thinking of your self! You just mentioned that the two of you have been having problems, you said that the both of you have did things to one another. You should not hate the father of your Children, when you have done him wrong as well! You guys have Children together! Instead of thinking that you were naive & silly when you were younger, you should be looking at how you are now in the present! You still sound very naive & silly to me. Because all that you are doing is thinking of yourself instead of your Children! Your Children did not ask to be born, It was your decission to carry them and give birth to them! Because you now feel that being with this man is/was a total mistake,
you are going to be selfish and make the Children pay for your mistake by taking them away from their Father?
That does not seem fair to any of you!!!!!!
It sounds completely selfish on your part to me!!!!!!

Answer 10

There are more women than you think that are going through this and have gone through this, many of them 'dished' it out time and time again before they grew 'balls' and left, me being one of them.
It's hard to do when children are involved and they love that parent soooo much and you don't want to pull them away. But is it a healthy enviroment for your child(ren)??? Is there constant yelling and name calling or is there a lot of love? Ask yourself what you want your kids to learn from this? Do you want them to know it's okay to have someone talk to them like that and treat them like crap and they have to sit and take it, or do you want them to stand up for themselves and not take nobody's crap despite who it comes from????
I do not believe in second chance relationships after i had my bad one, I believe once it gets bad it will stay bad....sure, you'll have some good times, but the past will always be hanging over your head and he'll be the first to throw it in your face, so unless he can 'let go' of the issues going on then you need to get out, not for only yourself, but your children. Move on.

Answer 11

whats the problem? You have made your mind up so just do it. Why are woman so scared to leave? If he treats you like crap get a restraining order if your scared and get out or have him exparted. Be strong and find a man who will treat you better