My girlfriends slept with another woman?

Question

My girlfriend has admitted to me that she slept with another woman (her close friend) I have been in a good strong relationship with her for 5 years and everything was fantastic. At first I thought she just wanted to tick a box as she has always fantasized about it but I beleive she has strong feelings for this girl. Now she has postponed our wedding plans and says she's confused about her sexuality. I ve told her that I do regard it as cheating but I'm willing to totally forgive her as I have always beleived she's the only girl for me & before this happened our relationship was so good. She feels really guilty and keeps beating herself up about it, i ve told her that what has happened is a mistake and we must look to the future. Now she is questioning her sexuality and asking herself whether it would be fair to carry on our relationship, I seem to be suspened in a void and don't know what I can do to sort this mess out. Serious answers only please,

Beamer

Answer 1

You need to give her some time to think about what she wants, who she is, and where she wants to go. All you can do at this point is support her through this time in her life. Make sure she knows you love her with all your heart, and talk to her frequently so she really truly knows you are there for her.

You might suggest she talks to someone, a sexologist perhaps, a gender consultant, a psycologist, just so she has a non-partial party listening to what she has to say. it helps to be able to talk about your feelings out loud to someone who is impartial. Family members, and friends won't work, as they are too close to the situation.

Also, you have to make sure she know you will accept any decision she makes. You want to be with her for the rest of your life, and that means that you want the best for her, even if that means it is not with you. I know it is hard for you to read that, but you know in your heart that is the truth, for you and for her.

Remember support her, accept her, and Be there for her through all of this.

Answer 2

Just tell her that the only thing your unhappy about is that she didn't make the activity a threesome. Let her know that you understand the pressure of trying something before marriage that will be off limits once your married and the kids start arriving. Let her know that one or two encounters with the opposite sex (this rule applies to women only) does not make a woman bisexual or homosexual. It's ok to postpone the wedding plans; set a new date for a year later. In the meantime tell her you would like to maintain the relationship you have and if she needs to explore, discreetly, her relationship with women that it's ok. Just tell her that other men are off limits. If this arrangement doesn't work for her, then it's time to call it quits and move on..

Answer 3

Probably the best thing you can do is to give her time to figure out what she wants to do. If you press the issue of marriage, you risk her breaking it off completely. Tell her you can wait, but not forever, and give her a timetable, say, a month. If you have been waiting 5 years, one more month isn't going to hurt you. Just make sure to keep reassuring her that you still love her and forgive her, but let her have some time and space. Good luck.

Answer 4

she is being honest with you and thats a plus try giving her some time shes questioning her sexuality and has not found the answer the best advice i can give you is this its better to find out these things now then after you get married i understand you feeling like you are in limbo about your relationship but try to understand shes in limbo about her total future thats a massive void for her as well good luck

Answer 5

Well it is probably best to postpone the wedding until she is sure what she wants to do. Unfortunatly she is the only one who can make this decision which leaves you in the position of sitting and waiting or deciding not to wait. Sorry!!!!!

Answer 6

A hard path lies before you.
It probably wasnt a "mistake" it was an experment.
You may have to accept her as bi.
But the bottom line is - she wont know unless she has enough sex with the woman to fully discover herself.
She may find she's not gay but she may discover she is.
If you love her....... you may have to leave her. (as husband) and be a good friend.

Answer 7

Unless you are prepared to share her for the rest of your life with other women, you need to walk away. She doesn't want to hurt you, I am sure of that, but the desire to be with other women will always be there for her, and she will need to have the freedom to explore that. Believe it or not, it can work, you just need to make an informed decision about what you are getting into adn whether or not you can allow her the freedom to be with other women.

Answer 8

You are the author of your own predicament. You have made her feel guilty about it and now you are troubled that she is questioning her sexuality?

Look, this can be sorted out but it seems to me that you need to review you attitude as much as she does

Answer 9

i hate to say it but the only thing you can do is wait for her to figure out whats right for her i know it seems a bit selfish but you wouldn't want to be married a year to have her leave you for a woman so if you love her as much as you say then you should give her that time and space she needs

Answer 10

if shes questioning herself then maybe u do need to hold on because if shes not sure and u go ahead and get married anyway then yall are going to have problems just give her time what ever she decides you should be happy for her no matter what! (thats if u really do love her like you say)