ive been with my husband 5 years. he used to get very moody and snap at me all the time and after a while i got so sad and lonely with it. he wasnt very affectionate sometimes and i used to get hurt by this. so one day i did a disgusting thing and slept with someone else. i feel so awful and vile and ive come close to ending it all a few times lately. my husband doesnt know and things are getting alot better at home. but i cant forgive myself and i hate myself so much. its eating me alive and it really hurts to know i have been so terrible. this is not the real me, im a quiet person and im very gentle. i think i just wanted to be wanted. but i feel so awful and sick that its hard to wake up everyday. what can i do?
2006-09-08 05:31:33 · 31 answers · asked by english_latina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Confess to your husband so there is no secret to torment you day after day.
2006-09-08 05:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this right. You aren't getting the affection you wanted so you slept with someone else. Now you feel guilty and don't know what to do? If you strip it down to basics it's actually quite easy. You are not happy and looked elsewhere. You obviously enjoyed the attention at the time and are now suffering from guilt because you have cheated. Now you say things are getting better but thats only because of your guilt. I'll bet you that later on this pattern will repeat itself and you'll do it all over again. The underlying problem is still there and you are doomed repeat it unless it gets sorted out. Sad as it is he isn't right for you and you are hurting him and you. The longer it lasts the more painful it will become. Sorry to say it.
2006-09-08 17:40:49 · answer #2 · answered by er_opps_again 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have punished yourself enough forget about it. It is not worth losing your relationship on a silly mistake and you will hurt your husband by telling him this is totally out of character for you and you felt alone not saying it is right thing to do,if this happens again talk instead of looking for affection elsewhere.
Best thing to do is find out why he was like that maybe work or pressures and see if anything you can do.
Talk or changes things that maybe making him moody the reason people snap at their loved ones is they are close to them and feel that can express their feelings even if they are quite snappy make sure he knows you are feeling unloved he may tell you why as my husband has been like this but i found out his job is making him unhappy he is now looking for another one and things are better now, make sure you spend time together enjoying life.
Please stop beating yourself up about it you will be more miserable without him and you only get one life.
2006-09-12 03:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Nic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep your marriage, keep the secret.
Yes you did wrong for whatever reason, but you have realised it was wrong...don't beat yourself up all of the time.
Things are getting better at home but it might go back to how it was.....you have probably gained some self esteem back by having this affair, you probably realised that the grass is not always greener...but look at it another way...if the affair had blossomed would you have have left your husband.
Keep the secret, learn from it and think about what you really want.
2006-09-08 05:43:17 · answer #4 · answered by SALLY D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband have to take responsibility for this. There is no way to justify what you did, but you can't change the past. You can however have a say in what will happen in the future. I would counsel you to tell your husband, but be armed with information, try to let him know why you did it, be incredibly humble, don't accuse him, use the 'we have a problem' instead of 'you made me because of....'. I'll give you a link that will give you a good idea of what went wrong, from both sides.
Trying not to preach or be annoying, you could also try praying. We can't change our past, but Jesus can.
2006-09-09 05:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take advantage of the fact that as you say things are getting a lot better at home. Concentrate in pleasing him. Everything happens in life for a good reason. Use your experience to improve your life and make others happy.
2006-09-08 08:47:26 · answer #6 · answered by Xilef Arerbac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let one mistake bring you down so much. you're only human and everyone makes mistakes. you said yourself that this wasn't the real you so try to let this one mistake go. you clearly clearly show that you have learnt from your mistake and won't be making the same mistake again.
don't hate yourself- maybe your husband can see how low you are feeling and is aware that he should be showing you more affection. if things are getting better then try and allow yourself to go with the flow and your guilt will gradually subside.
i believe that everything happens for a reason and by doing this you have proved to yourself just how important your marriage and your husband are to you. please dont let yourself get so low- it will get harder and harder to pick yourself up again if you do, and then you will risk your marriage breaking down. chin up... it'll get better, it always does.
2006-09-08 06:07:30 · answer #7 · answered by Elle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK,
I have been here before,let me tell you something go running or find something else to do with those feelings and energy.DO NOT tell him.This will give him ammo for future fights for the rest of your life.This will endlessly be thrown in your face.You are thinking it will make YOU feel better ,sure you will have the relief you have been seeking but the repercussions are going to be huge.
2006-09-08 06:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please get over it. It's not as awful and vile as you make it out to be. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has the moments of weakness. It's an adult thing to do to accept your mistakes, learn from them, and move on. Try to make your marriage the best it can be - this is the best redemption for past mistakes; wallowing in self-hatred is not productive. You're human, please accept yourself as you are. Seriously, we all do things sometimes that we might regret later; don't let it ruin your present relationship.
2006-09-08 05:36:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame yourself - you weren't getting the love and attention at home that you deserved. If he hadn't been like this to you, you wouldn't have needed to go elsewhere. Don't hate yourself, just try to forget it ever happened. There's a lot worse things you could have done.
2006-09-08 06:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices,you can live with it,or you can tell him.If you tell him,you would hurt him,so maybe it's better just to live with it.He bears some responsibility for what's happened,it's not all your fault.At the moment he is unaware of it,but if you ended it all you would devastate him,does he really deserve that?See your doctor,i'm sure he will help you.Good luck.
2006-09-08 05:52:12 · answer #11 · answered by michael k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋