How long will it be before I become healed from the trauma that I experienced from my wifes death in my arms ?

Question

On the 24th of March my wife was laying on the couch talking with our daughter, she was telling my wife how our daughter had a tumblings tots class and after the class she would bring her over for a visit. She hung up the phone and began to complain about of her breath being short. I called 911 they instructed me in the way they wanted me to perform CPR. I had done as they had told me until the ambulance arrived. Yet my wife still died.

Answer 1

My condolences, I experienced a similar situation in February 13th of 2005. My wife was sleeping when I got up and when I checked on her later she was not breathing. My son was home at the time and I had him get off the internet so I could use the phone. I called 911 and they had me do CPR but to no avail.

At the time of her death, I felt nothing - I was emotionally in shock. It was the next day while I was making funeral arreangements that it really set in and I fell apart. It is now 19 mo. later, and although I have been coping well for the last few months, it still hurts. Making the adjustment even harder is the fact that many of the friends that my wife and I knew (except for a very few old and close friends) have avoided me as they do not know how to handle her death.

You will never fully get over the trauma of her death. You will always miss her. There will always be moments when something will trigger a memory and you will cry. I have befriended someone who lost her husband to sudden death(a stroke) eight years ago. She seems well adjusted and has accepted it, but even after that time some things still trigger a painful memory.

The good news is that it will get easier. As time passes you be able to cope with and accept your loss. Eventually the pain will pass and the good memories will remain to carry you and you will be OK. How long until this happens will be different for each person. It will take at least a year or two and often it will take longer. I have found that the best thing for me whas been to set goals and work on the important things in my life. This gives me direction and has helped me to move on.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you have had to go through that. Something similar happened to my mom. She had a pulmonary embolism. I called 911 and helped as best I could while my sister gave her CPR. She died before the ambulance got there. It's been three years ago, and I still have flash backs. Then my dad died from an aortic aneurysm 8 months later. It's not only that we grieved the deaths, but the shock of it was devastating too.

However, I've come to terms with the fact my parents are gone. But I still miss them terribly. You have to be strong for your children. Try to lean on other family members for support. I don't' know what I would've done without my dad and my sister.

I hate to say it, but you'll never "get over it." But each day will be better than the last. You'll get stronger, and your memories will be sweeter, and you won't cry every time you think of her.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your immense loss,Robert. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. There's nothing anyone can say or do to lessen your pain. You will probably never truly get completely over the trauma of losing your wife so suddenly,but though she isn't with you in life,she is always with you in spirit,and she will live in your heart forever.And knowing that one day you will be together again has to give you some small comfort.The healing process can only begin when you accept the fact that she's gone,and you did everything you possibly could in the situation.You have nothing to feel guilty about.In due time,the pain will ease,and you will be able to look back on your life with her and be grateful for the time you had together and all the wonderful memories you two shared.You can't dwell on what could have been,but what was.

Answer 4

robert, very sorry 4 your loss. my heart sunk when hear that. i'm a married & family christian man, but since u didn't mention, i won't preach 2 u & try to be unbaise, ... eventhough belief in God, constant prayer, assurance of seeing her 1 day afterlife are very helpful.

what u can do it to distract yourself & set yourself goal to channel your energy towards. hobbies to do with your daughter & yourself keep u occupied to prevent the idle mind when u are alone. goals & rally for the cause of the illness that took your wife is a good avenue too. remember how christopher reeves focus all his emergy on walking again & champion the fund of spinal regeneration studies. give u a sense of purpose.

also go to something social so u make more friends, join a gym, join a support group, join a mens's interest group. join a chuch that have the former stuffs. u having a circle of good friends & other good relationship help a lot.

maybe FEW years later u maybe willing to start a new relationship but only when u fairly not necessarily fully stable.off course with any new relationship u got to consider your daughter foremost. just don't rush this.

hope this is helpful, peace, man. 1 thumb up 4 u.

Answer 5

I am So sorry you have had to go through this. Time will only tell there is no specific time frame as everyone has their own amount of time to slowly put this horrible memory in the back of your head and put forth all the good ones. There is one bright side to this story and I am sorry if it sounds unappreciative because it is not. She did not suffer a long drawn out death she was taken quickly from you so she did not have to suffer. Please seek some professional help with your daughter. Let those tear ducts open it is very helpful.
I wrote a poem when my father passed away 2 yrs ago from Cancer in that poem reflected how good and nice he was, all the good times we shared. Reflecting that is very helpful.
Once again Good luck, I am sorry for your loss. God Bless you and your family.

Answer 6

I am really sorry for your loss.

I would like to suggest that you go to see a grief councellor to help you deal with the loss. Do not feel that it was your fault for not being able to keep her alive- you did your very best to keep her as long as you could.

I honestly don't know what words of comfort I can give you other than to say that your wife died in the arms of the one she loved and that she will always be looking down at you from above smiling and still loving you until you meet again.

Good luck with everything. Be strong for everyone- your daughter, yourself and your wife.

Answer 7

Certainly this is an event that you will never forget. The trauma you experienced with most likely stay for sometime, two years or so. But the heart will be healed with the goodness of your wife and the love you had for her. Remember he goodness, the good things and believe it not that will help you heal.

I am so sorry about your lose, should you want a shoulder to cry on, please feel free to drop me a line, I will listen.

Answer 8

aw, so so sorry. wow...i don't know that you ever totally heal from something like that. but i do know that time makes it easier to manage the emotions. i hope you've gotten some counseling or at least have someone you are comfy talking to about this--that helps too. after the mourning, the anger, the frustration, it will get easier to move on to celebrating her life through raising your daughter. i lost my mom when i was a teen, my husband to suicide, and my father within a year after that...and over 15 years later i still have days when all i want to do is cry and miss them--and sometimes i just do that. i wish you and your daughter well, it will get better--hang in there. god bless!

Answer 9

The great pain you feel is because of the great love you had for her. This proves you have the ability to love greatly.
You are healing now and will continue to heal as time goes on, but embrace the pain knowing it was only possible through love. Feel the pain deeply and cry, but go on loving forever. Continue loving her, continue loving your daughter, and continue loving everyone else you are fortunate enough to love. This is a gift and a sacrifice, two sides of a coin. Like life and death, you can't have one without the other.

Answer 10

Wow! I am sooo sorry! I think about that kind of thing a lot. I don't know how I would deal with it. It depends on you and the situation as to how long the trauma will last. Are you getting therapy? Is your daughter? A therapist could help you and your daughter through it and they'd know better how to help you. I don't know what else to say. Again, I am really sorry.