I've been married 4 years. My husband sometimes does lectures...?

Question

at schools and colleges....recently, he took his poems out....poems he'd written about his ex gf who cheated on him and shared them with the college students....he did not mention this to me b4 hand....and it has really upset me....am I wrong to be upset? He does have lots of other things he could have bored the students with...but he chose these sexy poems....is he still interested in this tart? I told him if he was he should leave....am I being unfair?

1. I am not jealous...just hurt that he would go and talk about his ex with other people without my knowlegde.
2. he is the jealous one...he made me tear all letters from my ex.
3. I had no idea he had these poems...i just opened his folder to see what he talked about that day and it upset me.
4. he has called me by her name.
5. I am not jealous...because he can leave ...and I will get over him.
6. its his loss

:-)

Answer 1

There is still something there... ask him to tear up the poems and erase everything he has saved about them... if he refuses, that will tell you he still longs for and cares about his ex... Don't accept any BS about the quality of the poems or any non-personal reference to them... He'll be stalling... Tell him if he wants the marriage to you to continue and work, he has to let go of his past...

Answer 2

Man! The answers on these things! It's no wonder the divorce rate is so high! You people want to throw away a marriage at the slightest little thing. He reads poems he wrote in another life with another person? Well, I guess you should just leave him, huh? I mean what the heck, you gave it a good try, right? People, we get married because we want to spend the rest of lives with our spouse by our side in a loving relationship that only marriage can bring. There will always be issues and conflicts to deal with but the solution is not to just run for the hills. If you get married thinking everything has to be perfect all the time, then you're nuts and you should stay single! Everyone has a connection to their past and sometimes it's fun to read something or look at an old photo just for nostalgic reasons but does this mean you love your spouse any less? I don't think so. Now, if he was writing new, sexy poems to another woman, THAT would be something entirely different. I wouldn't sweat this! Does he treat you well? Do you feel loved by him? Is he a good provider? He's obviously employed, so that's a good thing. These are the kind of things that matter, not whether he reads a poem he wrote long ago or not.

I see some further answers may have taken the wind out of some of my rant but my points still stand. ;)

Answer 3

Yeah i think ur being alittle to jealous.. although the poems were written during that period of time, that doesnt mean that the poems are good, or they dont reflect something he's trying to show to his students.. and it definately doesnt mean that he still wants his x or loves his x.. I still wear a ring that my x gave me, and a necklace too, I dont want him back i have zero feelings for my x.. but i like the ring and the necklace and my husband has no problem with me wearing them because he knows that i like the jewelry not the person that gave it to me.. same same.. he probably loves the poems he wrote.. and not the person he wrote them for, he just thinks that he did an amazing job with the poems because he put so much feeling into them.. if he had taken poems that he had written about u.. u wouldnt have a problem with it.. so its not that he's sharing intimate things with the class, its because he's sharing something that he wrote for an x.. i think on this one, u need to get over urself.. ur the one with the problem not him.. And im an EXTREMELY jealous person.. and just dont see this as a problem so u must be being unfair cause im usually the first person to say something isnt right ...

Did u know these poems exsisted? I mean i could see u being upset more about him holding on to something like this , more then knowing he kept them, had no problem with that.. yet the only problem u have is shared them with a class of students..

Answer 4

I think you are just being unfair and insecure. Sometimes a poet's best work is the stuff that caused the most pain, including previous relationships. Perhaps he shared his work as part of an assignment -unrequited love, betrayal - and he used his work as an example. I think you are completely overreacting and it is unnecessary. Let it go. In the scheme of life it really is not important.

As a side note I am a little concerned about your lack of support for your husband's creative work. You said "He does have lots of other things he could have bored the students with..". Honestly, that is far more worrisome to me than his sharing some old poems he wrote. Commenting that his work is boring really isn't supportive on your part as his wife, which makes me wonder if you are jealous about this skill. Sorry to take it off topic but it did strike me.

Answer 5

For you, EX is the operative word. You are being unfair. They're old words about an old relationship but they probably had the content he wanted to convey to the students.
If he was sharing intimate moments with you with an audience, you would be right to be upset.

For him, it was an audience who were listening to the poems for what they were, words in a cadence that would cause emotions and reflection. They weren't sitting in judgement of the relationship, just the words.

Poetry is such a personal thing. When I pull out my writings from years ago and see them with the clarity I have now, I'm often pretty proud at the way they were written and wouldn't mind having a venue for them. It wouldn't be a dissection of the circumstances, just a "damn, I can write" kind of moment. I'm sure that's why he shared them.

Answer 6

Well you necessarily do not know what he is thinking. He could just think that those poems were the best poems he has ever written.

Answer 7

I dont think you are over reacting at all..........there is a time and place and with you there, I dont think its a good idea to read those poems at that time. If he does one more thing that is disrepectful I would just tell him to leave or you leave yourself so he can fantasize about the woman who obviously didnt give a hoot about him....men !

Answer 8

If they were just poems that seems harmless. But you say they were sexy poems, that would be a problem to me. I guess it depends on the level of sexiness.

Answer 9

It may be his best poetry. Some of the greatest artistic works come from emotional joy, heartache and tragedy.

Maybe you're being a little unfair??? Does he believe this is his best work?

Answer 10

Those poems are written from his heart at the time he wrote them don't get mad. Obviously he is with you so don't worry about it. If you trust him then it should not matter.