How Can I Stop Being Homophobic?

Question

I do not hate gays, but I am VERY scared of them.

Three months ago my best friend "came out" and since then I started distancing myself from him. I do not want to, but my fear is too strong! Life is seeming not so important without my friend, and I am really depressed too. But I do not know how I can stop being scared of gay people! Do you know how I can stop?

Answer 1

Get to know a few and realize that what they do on their time with their significant other does not mean they want to involve you.

Answer 2

You need to identify specifically what it is that scares you about homosexual people:

1. Do you think a gay person is automatically going to make a move on you?
2. Do you fear catching AIDs/HIV from a gay person WITHOUT having sex with them?
3. Do you think that other people are going to assume you're gay just because you're friends with a gay person?
4. Do you fear becoming a target for a homophobic attack because of the issues raised in question 3?
5. Do you fear that associating with a gay person will make you become gay yourself?

Most of the above represents misconceptions about gay people. For instance, HIV/AIDs is a virus which spreads through unsafe sex irrespective of whose doing it. You cannot catch HIV/AIDs in the same way as you can catch a cold. Also, gay people aren't automatically attracted to every member of the same sex - if this was the case, then there would be no rejection between gay people. In actual fact, gay people experience the same heartbreak from rejection as straight people do when their desired person doesn't reciprocate the same feelings.

Homophobia unfortunately is still a problem. However, the authorities take homophobic attacks very seriously, both in terms of hate crimes relating to a persons actual or perceived sexual orientation.

Another popular misconception is that gays can make straight people become gay. Again, this is untrue. One person cannot change another persons sexual orientation. Just ask those gay people who tried various programmes designed to make them straight!! They will tell you it didn't work.

Answer 3

I guess it took some time to build up the friendship between you and your friend. If you two could be friends for so long without any problems, I guess sexual orientation has never been a major issue. Then what are you afraid of now? Are you afraid of another person of the same sex falling for you? That only means you are a nice and adorable chap.

Or are you afraid of others thinking, hm... you might be gay too while you are straight? Have some pride in your own sexuality and respect others'.

It must have taken your friend some courage to come out to you. The longer you have been friends with someone, the harder to come out. Your friend has his worries too. He must be worried sick whether he will lost you as a best friend. However, his trust on you must have been much greater.

Be honest with your friend. Tell him that you are a bit scared with his coming out. He will understand that you don't hate him - you just need some time to take things in. You have known him well enough to realise that he is still the same person you hang around with.

Answer 4

Just remember that homosexuality doesn't make someone that much different than a heterosexual. It doesn't mean that they automatically view everyone of the same sex as a sex object, just those that they find attractive. And just like some heterosexuals come on too strong and may try to initiate a relationship with someone with no interest, so might a homosexual. But it's the same thing.

Your friend is probably going through a time when he needs even more support, because he has told others about his difficult decision. I'm sure if you returned to the activities that you enjoyed with your friend beforehand, you would soon find that very little has changed. After all, I'm certain that he had decided on his sexual preferences before he told you, and he didn't seem "weird" to you then.

Just remember that he's the same person you've always known.

Answer 5

I was told by a psychic that THE ONLY reason people are gay is because their soul remembers being of the opposite gender from previous lives. For example, I have lived 5 lives that I have been able to find out from self-hypnosis...4 of those 5 lives were men! and I am not sure about the gender of the most recent life I lived.

I have very strong male feelings and have trouble "feeling" like a female. Maybe just knowing that a person doesn't choose it, but is one soul made up of many life experiences.

Answer 6

You don't say why you are scared. Is it because you are afraid that your friend will come on to you, or do you just find gay culture distasteful?

If it is the former, allow me to reassure you that your friend was gay before he came out. He didn't come on to you then, why should he do so now. He knows that you are heterosexual, he has no reason to want a sexual realtionship with you.

If it is the latter, not all gay people are into the 'scene' or in any way obviously gay. It's not a necessary part of being gay, just as you don't go around telling everyone you meet how much you like girls, he doesn't go telling everyone his sexual preference, I'm sure.

Ask him out for a drink and tell him your problem, I'm sure he will be able to reassure you.

Answer 7

Well if you were raised that way and that's how you have always been it's hard to change, but it's possible. You just have to remember that your friend, gay or not was still your friend before they came out. If you are uncomfortable because you are afraid they will make a move on you then just make sure that you very clearly state your boundaries and it is well known that you are straight. Most people respect those boundaries. It is good though that you are trying to get over your homophobia, thats the first step. Just take it as it comes and gradually try and change your feelings about it.

Answer 8

Honey, tomorrow go and give your friend a big hug and tell him(i'm assuming he's a guy) that you still love him as a friend. Tell him that you're sorry about the distance between you two lately. And most of all, come to realize that the only difference between gays and straight is what they do in the bedroom. And if you're straight you've got no business worrying about what goes on in a gay man's bed. Your friend does NOT have the hots for you, don't worry about it.

Answer 9

hmmm, well... what exactly is your fear.. fears are usually unfounded or based on false or fictitious information. So you need to know WHAT EXACTLY you are afraid of.. if its something really stupid like "what'll my other friends think" then you are shallow and vapid for allowing your friends to dictate YOUR feelings and opinions.. in short you CANNOT think for yourself..shoot yourself now please..




JUST KIDDING but at least get a life!

NOW.. if it is a health issue then let me set your mind at ease.. you can't catch ANYTHING by just being friends.PERIOD. He already knows you so he knows your not gay or bi curious and won't try to kiss you or grab your unit so that's out.. I think as long as you are capable of thinking for yourself here you'll be fine.. OH by the way.. still in school?.. it's actually IN VOGUE to be gay or bisexual these days so your REAL Friends? will think you are a free thinker and outside the box , witch is ALSO very cool.. if he's been your friend he was counting on you to keep your $h it together and not cop out on him although when you do something like that.. you kinda expect some people you never figured as weak turn yellow.. so the ball is in your court.. is your life or what?

Answer 10

are you scared of me?

i don't know anyone who is scared of me, and am a lesbian.

you need to find someone such as a cousellor who can help you challenge any preconceived notions you have about gays, and place your fears in a more rational and realistic light.

the counsellor will need to be biassed neither way.

lgbts are only human, same as you: what would you think of somebody being afraid of you because you are straight? sounds daft doesn't it?

if it's any consolation, the first set of people who i knew were gay i didnt like, as they were bad people, but not because they were gay, they were just a spiteful crowd. av met hundreds of lgbts since then, twenty years ago, and we are just as likely to be good or bad as straights.

if you're missing your mate, then get in touch with him, tell him your fears. my first fling had a best str8 friend and when she came out, her str8 friend initially took it badly. they have become best friends again, since a long time back, and they love each other all the more, platonically of course.

your gay friend probably needs you darling, life is not a rehearsal, and he is still the same guy he was before he came out to you, although his confidence level may have changed. it isn't always easy coming out, but it can be such a relief, such a shedding of a burdon. try to be happy for him.

hope this helps, good luck ;o)

Answer 11

Well, just think a bit what is you fear really about? Becoming a gay yourself? Or, being forced to become gay? or what? Then, when you aask yourself these questions for some moments, and think of answers remember, this guy is your friend, he won't force you on anuthing, he won't lie you, he was honest enough with you! Then, what you have to fear? An honest person? Such a brave thing he did do not deserve your reaction!