do you think its fair?

Question

after 17 years of mariage, she decides to hit the bar seen with her friends. Hey I made nothing of it but as time progressed shed come in at 3 in the morning and I know what time the bars closed at. All drunk and I know my wife and for some reason shes wasnt as tight as she would normally be plus she had all these new crazy moves. Then it hit me time to look into this. What a surprise, caught her in another mans arms, sex chatting online, listed in lavalife. While Im out busting my balls working and putting the pay check on the table, taking care of my son, massaging her feet making super, cleaning you know all the nice things I was just pulling my weight. Her response after doing all this is you like a statue nice to have when you want to see it you bring it out....... Or I dont want to talk about it. Now things are different I dont see life the same, its been tarnished. Yes we stayed together after all of her several escapades. Now i want to go out but she wont let me. What do I do?

Answer 1

Let me tell you something that you will probably here over and over on here.. You deserve better !!
You sound like a wonderful man, that any woman would be lucky to have. Why on earth would you let someone hurt you like this. Why on earth would you want to turn into the same kind of person she has become. Please do not let her do that to you. Give yourself and your son a better life.. you are the only one who seems to care about his welfare right now, and he needs you to do so. There are good people out there, and you are proof of that.

Answer 2

This sounds so much like what my wife did to our marriage. When I first came upon her cheating, all I wanted to do was fix our marriage. Then it happened at least 2 more times and I told her I wanted a divorce because the way I see it you will never change. She protested the divorce and I said this is your last chance ever. I am ready to leave with no regrets as I have done everything possible to help you stop with the infidelity. Now she calls me all the time to let me know where she is, with who and when she will be home. I am so sorry I didn't have the guts to take a hard stand after the first affair she had. The only good thing for me was sacking her best friend after the third affair she had. Her friend doesn't want anything to do with her now because she was lying to her too. Take a strong stand against what she has done to your marriage, let her know you are done with the infidelity and you need her to be completly accountable or its over. Don't be afraid to stand up to her crap, let her know she's not worth it.

Answer 3

Seems to me that her 'right' to tell you to not go out is unfair. Most likely, she knows whats happens in the bar scene, and is afraid that you'll discovers someone more suitable than she is - and based on you details, this is highly likely. Don't understand the statue comment - - You have to decide that after 17 years the reasons to stay together are stronger than the reasons to go.
Since you object, has she stopped the nightlife scene or is it continuing. If yes, insist she stop, and make it a deal breaker, and if she persists - see an attorney.

Answer 4

Sweetheart, she doesn't deserve you! Do you have any idea what a great guy you are? Women would love to have a commited & faithful man such as you. Move on to greener pastures. Life will only become more miserable, don't let her ruin your view of true love , because it's out there.( and it's not in the bar till 3 in the morning either) Food for thought, get out while you are still fairly unscathed.

Answer 5

It sounds like the two of you need to talk if, you want the marriage to work. If not then split. It comes down to what you want. If you want to go out then go but do it cause you want to and not to get back at her. You know that the two of you could go out together. Take it from me that sometimes you have to fight and go threw hard times to make a relationship stronger and better.

Answer 6

You want to get out of the relationship but she is not allowing you to. Just leave plain and simple. She is taking you for granted. I bet you two got married at a very young age and now she is thinking she missed out on life. You need to learn to love yourself and look what life has to offer you. Do not waste your time on a two timer your worth more then that.

Answer 7

your a grown man you can come and go as you damn well please all this cheating she is doing and your still staying and dont say its because of the kid you can be in another home and still be there and take care of your kid as long as you put up with it she will continue to do it mess around on you you need to do something fast either pack your bags or stay and get stomped on i would of been out the door

Answer 8

What do you do?? You go out. She had the chance, now it's your turn. It's only fair. She is scared you will do to her, what she did to you. That's her own fault. She has to live with that worry. So, seriously, GO OUT!

ps~stop letting her wear the pants in the relationship :/ You're the provider, now speak up!

Answer 9

why do you want to go out? do you need to go out? it sounds like you need to communicate more you should go out together she probably doesnt want you to go out shes afraid youll do it back to make it even which is totally wrong whenever you turn to someone else to fufill your needs besides your partner its betrayal and it hurts so i dont think its about being fair at all if your married or in a committed relationship you shouldnt be going out to bars all night and getting smashed if thats what either of you want or need to do you should be single good luck!

Answer 10

Not cool, divorce time. She has some nerve! Here you are treating her with all of the care and respect in the world and all of a sudden she decides to cheat, you deserve so much better. Please get help for every body's sake, especially your children. In my opinion, cheat on spouse- cheat on entire family.