Why does my children comes before my own happiness?

Question

My husband has been unfaithful and i no longer want to be in this marriage. Yet I am still in it because of the children. Why as a mother does my own happiness takes a back seat to that of my children's?

Answer 1

Because thats what it takes to be a good Mother. The children have to come first. It's a shame so many parents forget that. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you and your children.

Answer 2

Well you DO NOT have to stay "for the kids"...it is actually the worst thing you can do. Children are not stupid and they sense and know what is going on between there parents, even when their parents think they don't know. Sometimes your happiness is most important because you have to be a good, stable mother for your children. Sometimes as a mother, you have to put your needs before the children to benefit the family , yourself and most importantly the children. Yes, children needs/happiness should come first (always), but you should not feel "guilty" when you need to put yourself first. In the end you and your children will thank you for getting out of this emotionally abusive relationship (cheating is emotional abuse). Just think if you do stay, the kids grow up, they leave the house, start their own lives and families. And there you are, all alone with an unfaithful spouse and old in age, unable to really start a new relationship with anyone b/c you have accepted your life for what it is for soo long...Don't SETTLE sweetheart!! you deserve love, respect and a faithful man to both you and your family. Your husband will see his kids, just because you aren't together doesn't change the fact that he is the children's father. He will always be their dad, but he doesn't always have to be YOUR HUSBAND. I wish you the best of luck..know you can do this, it will be scary and at times ugly but when it is all said in done, having your sanity and self respect and HAPPY children will be worth it all. And I know where you are coming from, I am a mother as well, and was involved with my daughter's father's abuse for 8 years, there comes a point where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!

Answer 3

Hmm...

Maybe I am not in the situation you are in and may not be able to fully understand how you feel...

But I have a different view about your situation...

If you are still in the marriage because of your children, how do you react towards your husband? Are you hostile and cold towards him?

If that is the case, do you think that your children will not feel it? Faced with such an environment within the family, do you think your children would be happy? Then in that case, would this 'sacrifice' be worth it?

Also, I am a firm believer that parents lead by example. A mother who is not able to be really happy and fight for her own happiness may probably not be able to teach her children or help them achieve their happiness.

I am not saying that I urge you to get out of your marriage. If I would you, I would evaluate if my children would be happier with a full family and if that is the case, do I want to try to forgive my husband and move on positively.

If there is no point in doing that, then I will opt to leave and perhaps take my children with me and will still give them happiness no matter what.

I had a friend whose parents were not on speaking terms since they were young. It did not help make them (he had bro and sis) happier or more fortunate that his parents chose to stay together because of them.

Sometimes, they would quarrel and my fren would wish they were divorced instead..

I also have friends whose parents are divorced but on great terms as they parted amiacably for the children and their children are happy and fun-loving people cos they still get love from both parents and do things together as a family..

Good luck!

Answer 4

So you are "unhappy", what does that mean? If there were no kids involved I'd say move on, but children are precious and deserve all you and your husband can do to resolve this. But making your kids the reason for staying is weak, nobody wins. Communication is the key, there had to have been a time when your husband was the best man that happened to you right? He still is and it's worth finding out together what changed. And even if you still come to the same conclusion you can honestly say you tried, do THAT for the children

Answer 5

Speaking from the standpoint of mother, I totally empathisize with what you are going thru. When faced with a similar dilemma, I realized that putting myself on the backburner was not only detrimental to my own physical and emotional health, but that of my children as well.
I will tell you from personal experience, that when I removed myself and my daughter from a negative situation we were better off. Yes, we missed him, and yes, things were much harder, however, the abuses that we would have suffered had we stayed, definately outweighed all else. Kids know more then we think they do. If you think your kids don't know he cheated, or if you think they don't know you aren't happy, then you need to think again! They might not know specifics, but they know something is not right. Also, if you stay with him after this, and your heart is not in your marriage anymore, then your children will think that it's ok for someone of the opposite sex to treat them badly. Listen, don't mess up their heads! It is a tall order to fill, but you can do it! Keep open communication with your children at all times! Do not lie to them, EVER! About Anything! You don't have to give the gory details...only if they ask, and then on a level they understand...try Mommy and Daddy have some things they need to work out...are not getting along...need time out from each other...first is communication....chances are you and your husband are not able to communicate either, and this is what caused your problems in the first place! You may save your marriage by learning to express your wants and needs, your thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams with your kids...your Hubby may see the change and follow the example of open communication that his kids have demonstrated. Never bad-mouth or press the child for their feelings, this only causes problems! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Because the moment u concieved your first child.. ur needs and wants flew out the window.. as most good mothers will do... but in this situation u need to realize that if its to a point that ur completely unhappy then ur not doing ur children any good by being miserable and depressed, it takes away from them having a good mom, cause your distracted by the misery ur husband has caused for u.. so ur not doing them any favors by staying if u feel this way.. Try to do all u can to fix the situation with ur husband, but after that , then u have to decide whats more important, ur children living in a house hold with both parents that are miserable.. or living in seperate households with parents that are happy..

Answer 7

Because deep down you know that you cannot make it on your own. You need this "husband" to provide for you and your children. Even though it's very hard to live with.

A mother's love is extremely special. I have seen it endure much worse things than infidelity... That is what makes a mothers love so special and apart from all other forms of love.

I sincerely hope that someday you will realize how much your sacrifice was worth the effort.

Answer 8

I am sorry but staying in a marriage for the kids is the worse thing you can do. The children will pick up on the negativity and they need positive role models. It's better to have two parents living separtely happy than living together misreable in one household. Divorce will be hard on them but it's much better than them living in chaos! You deserve to be happy, and so do your children!! So get out now before more damage is done.

Answer 9

Depends on how old the kids are, but I think it is the right thing to do. Children need a loving mother and father. Why ruin your kids lives. If you really can't work things out, you should find a way to make yourself happy without your husband.

Answer 10

Are you sure your children are happier with you staying married to their father. You may be assuming too much. Talk to them about how they feel if they are old enough. If they are 10yrs or older they already have an idea that their parents are not happy. I wouldn't go into too much detail but hint around and see how they feel about it. It would be better to let them know now then to shock them later with a messy divorce. Who knows your kids may be very mature and understand you never know until you ask. However if they are very young it will be an adjustment but not quite the end of the world. Small children tend to adjust faster to changing lifestyles then older ones.