i discovered that my husband cheats on me, i don't prefer confrontation but don't know what to do?

Question

lately we've been fighting quite alot, i've always thought it was my fault as he managed to make me feel guilty and began to treat me awfully more and more each day. i accessed his account by chance & found many correspondants from and to different females. he says that he doesnt like me anymore and that he'd like to disgard the romantic part in our relation, he also says that i interfere much with his life & business, but after a while he hugs me and says that loves me. when i asked him if he still loves me, he answered that he loves segments of me! to my surprise we still have a sexual life. how can a man make love to his wife and the next days dates another online. i dont know how to handle my pain and since i'm not ready to seperate now, plz advise how can i handle this stuation with wisdom.

Answer 1

Internet is gay honestly.... I know this sounds bad but sometimes guys need their space. I dont think he intends on cheating on you.....your giving him way too much attention dont do that i could cause your relationship to go down hill. oh **** im letting out secrets of my fellow men:( ...but anyway just let him come to you act like you dont care so much about him... it should straighten things out between the two of you..

Answer 2

I am so sorry you are going through all this! What a creep. How are you supposed to deal with something like this without confrontation? My suggestion is to stop all sex right now! Do you want to risk your health by having sex with him after he's cheated on you? Good grief woman, put a stop to it now. You need to start showing a little tough love. He's trying to steal your confidence and self-esteem by putting you down. Blaming you for stuff, and trying to make you feel guilty are all typical behaviors of cheating husbands. Afterall, if they can make you feel like you're the reason, then they can continue with no conscious thought to what they are really doing. I suggest you start dipping into the money and putting some aside for emergency. He may just come home from work one day and pack all his things and leave. I would start investigating if maybe he's been putting money aside as well.

As for the desire to disregard the romantic part of your relationship. I say good. Why don't you start going out and meeting other men and make damn sure he knows about it. Get back some of your self-esteem. Why the hell would you allow him to treat you like this without gettng mad as hell? You need some anger inside of you. Use that anger and get out of your rut and do something for yourself. Show some indifference to what he's doing besides whining about it to him. Give him the distance he wants by distancing yourself emotionally. God! I don't think I would even talk to my husband if I caught him cheating. I would start going out, dressing sexier, making new friends, and just being gone all the time. So when he is home, I won't be and he can sit around wondering what I'm doing. Good luck. And stay strong.

Answer 3

That's terrible. Why do u want to remain married to him?
You must confront him bluntly and to the point.
Tell him unless he is wanting to change, you want a divorce. Tell him how much it has hurt you and ask how he would like it if you were to date other men? Remind him (or scare him i should say ) that it is easier for a woman to find a man, than for a man to find a woman.
If he loves you he will apologize and make every effort to change. If he says for you to trust him on the computer, don't . Tell him you have the right to see his cell phone and computer anytime you want.
As for the good sex life you are having, he is fantasizing about other women whom he is speaking to online.
Ask any married man this question. "how often do u think of your wife while u are having sex w/ her"? and the unfortunate answer is not many.
This is not to say that most men will carry out cheating! But the thought is in all of their minds at some point.

Answer 4

Generally men think with their penis. That's how we can bounce around so easily. Some men are weaker than others. Some men love themselves too much. Some men make their own rules (that's why the ten commandments were made-but that is another subject..)

You still have sex with him. He has it made and no reason to change. He doesn't respect you but as a posession for himself.

Yeah , he loves segments of you...the segments he needs. The other segments are the other women.

So, if you don't separate then you suffer....now that you know, if you continue with him it is your own fault that you are in distress. not his. You allow this to continue.

Bytheway, in New York law it is called condonation...you know about it and accept it, then you can't use it in a court of law if you are still having sex with him!!!!!!!!!!!!

That means you are aware of his cheating and you condone it by still sleeping with him!!!!

Answer 5

Read and re-read your post. Is this the type of man you want to be with for the rest of your life? Do you think that the behavior he is exhibiting is acceptable and conducive to a happy marriage?

Forget about him for a moment and think about this. Do you love him? When I say "love" i'm not talking about the codependant "ive been with this guy for a long time and even though he treats me poorly I am afraid to be alone" type of love. Do you really love him, does your heart beat for him, can you see yourself spending your life by his side and raising a family together?

If you answered yes, then my advice is for you to find a good therapist and explain the situation, detailing your feelings and what you want out of your relationship. After you have done that and if you still want to remain in your marraige, talk to your husband and ask him to join you in therapy so the two of you can get everything out on the table and begin working through your problems.

If your husband refuses to go to Therapy with you then let that be what truly opens your eyes as to what kind of man you have devoted yourself to. If he is interested in a loving, healthy relationship with you and he is devoted to making the marraige work he will do whatever is necassary to right the wrongs.


Now, as for my opinion..Any man that tells his wife that she interfers with his life/business all the while he is "corresponding" with other women and bad mouthing his wife to them is a man not worthy of said wife.

If it were me I would cut my losses and enjoy the short time i've been given on this planet. Life is precious and to waste even one day on someone who doesn't appreciate and respect you is one day too many.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Are you nuts?!! He is cheating on you. Says he doesn't love you but doesn't want to break up? Well why should he, he's got the little lady sitting at home puttin up with this sh**!! Get some balls girl, get off the sofa and get a lawyer. ...and the part that you still have a sexual life? well don't! he could give you an STD or another unwanted child.

Answer 7

Separation is never easy, and it's not like you can expect to be "ready" to do it. You can't love "segments" of a person - acceptance is part of love, but you two have come to a point where neither of you can accept the other person as they are. Frankly, you will be wasting your time staying with him; separation is painful, but so is living with someone who doesn't love or respect you. However, the sooner you leave the sooner you can begin to heal, and the sooner will you be ready to start over.

Answer 8

Handle the situation wisely? you are choosing to not handle this wisely and you are choosing to allow him to talk to you like dirt and treat you aweful............. you are allowing him to disrespect you and not to mention the vows you both took on your wedding day. The wise thing to do is to get out and seperate wether you are ready or not. This is about self respect as well as demanding others respect. He is using for the sex because he is only dating online at the moment........ what happens if he has actual sex with someone else and then brings aids or another disease home to you? How could or how can you comprimise yourself like this? Don't you love you, more then this? We make our beds and then we lay in them............. make a choice and make it right for you and remember your own self dignity and respect. Love is and always will be a big factor in things and relationships, but love alone is not enough when it is one sided. Do for you, and protect you, he isn't going to and has no desire to and if you stay..... your not protecting you either. We can only depend on ourselves, noone else is going to take care and love us the way we do ourselves. Blessed be.............

Answer 9

Sit him down when he is happy, probably after a good meal, or good sex. Ask him why he treats you badly and attempt to mend fences with him. It may well be that there is something you do that he does not like. That will be an opportunity to get him to speak about it. Obviously the sexual fire is still there. It should not take too long to put things back to shape. Good luck.

Answer 10

Print out all of the mails and put them in a place where he won't find them. Go and see a lawyer to find out what your legal options are.

It's important now to prepare for what will probably come soon. The fact that he doesn't respect you enough to not look outside your marriage means he doesn't respect you enough to stay if "something better" comes along. If you're prepared for that, you'll come out of it in a much better position. Just because you're prepared, doesn't mean you have to separate until you're ready but it will give you something to do and a way to hold onto your self esteem while you're staying with him.

Take your power back please. Write down all of his affairs, familiarize yourself with all the financial accounts you both have, start to emotionally prepare yourself.

I wish you hope and luck

Answer 11

men often dont like certain aspects of thier life being interfered with, such as them seeing other women. When he says he loves segments of you, these are covered in pubic hair, or bouncy. Hopefully he doesnt mean he'd prefer to see you in segments. (hide the axe in case). If the sex is still good, why not suggest a threesome, share his hobbies? or at least suggest he washes his tackle before you go down. Why dont you see other women? (its cool!) He'd like that, and it may relight the flames a bit. surround yourself with sexy women lovers...he'll never want to leave. Suggest he sees other men as well...there may be something in it for you? You could try marriage guidance, but they're a bit straightlaced, I doubt the'yd be up for a threesome.
Hope this helps...its certainly got me thinking....