how can i help my son?

Question

when it comes to school he gets very negetive, he always tells me that he is dumb,stupid, and ugly, he thinks very low of him self
he is not ugly and he is not dumb and stuid, he is very smart, i always let him know that he is a smart and good looking boy but he don't care what i have to say, i think it's because he is in middle school and kids usually don't take thier moms advice, what should i do to make him have a higher self esteem?he is always using the words i cant, and i dont know and i tell him all he has to do is try. i don't know what else to do. i feel bad for my baby.

Answer 1

You don't mention male role models in his life.
I think it would be good for him to spend some time doing 'guy' stuff with an older male who you TRUST. Things that can give your son chances to have successes.....sports, hobbies, big chores (painting the garage?)....things this man and your son can take pride in when finished.
Also, you might talk to his school counselor about asking his teachers to be as positive about his school preformance as possible. Sometimes teachers just have so much on their plate they may overlook a student who is doing well and not causing them any problems.

Answer 2

Low self esteem although classified as being an internal problem can actually be triggered by external forces such as school, peer pressure, family issues, or mere awkward development. I realize how difficult it is for you not being to physically help just let him know that you will never judge, you will listen and that how he feels will not be diminished as it is his perceptions (although influenced) that are only causing him further difficulties. Just allow him the time to vent and if he does not wish to discuss it with his mother then tell him that he needs to talk to a friend or someone he trusts and who will not judge him. Growing up is a nightmare and even though you may remember some minor problems it was not that bad but think of it like this in to days society children are faced with violence, drugs and depression be it at home, on the street or in the schools and add into the normal awkward development stages and you have a catalyst for the internal need to fit in and despite what many parents think that is one of the biggest factors for tweens and teenagers allow him the opportunity to further develop his social group and you will find that he will begin to have a better self sense, besides you never know if he is trying to fit in or get the attention of others. I hope that helps some. Good Luck!

Answer 3

It is easier said than done.the peer pressure on kids make them nervous this coupled with studies make them mad.Actually all of them are facing this trauma but the degree differs.If some outsider like a neighbor or your friend who has a good hold over your child talks to him not about self esteem but general topics and then veer towards his personality it would make a difference.It is a known fact that children are prone to listen to outsiders rather than to their parents who may be geniuses or known personalities, so, do not get irritated if he doesn't adhere to your advice. Play on his positive qualities always and every time, this will enhance his self esteem.

Answer 4

Try and get to the root of the problem_is he being bullied by his peers?Did he get to the wrong side of any of his teacher's and so,they're now cornering him?Does he have any difficulty leanring any subjects?Or his he into a bad gang that asks for moodiness?Try to figure it out indirectly_there must be something in his school that seems to trigger off his reaction.
I guess he's around 10yrs or so?Remember he's 'growing up'_he needs confidence differently_not merely in words.Allow him to master somethimg that he feels good about doing,to boost his confidence,instead of 'saying' it to him.
At this age,subbtle complexities come into play_like,who's wearing what brand, and the sort...so may be,u need to start inculcating a sense of responsibility in him,too,to relieve him of his problem.
But try to gauge whats going wrong in school...that'll throw light as to how to deal with him.

Answer 5

Rather than praise him and compliment him, I'd take note of his virtues and tallents. Next, sincerely praise them,, but don't overdo it. Next, encourage him to repeat those actions. You may also want to him interested in some hobby that he has a small interest in anyway..then help him acqurie the resouces to build on the successes he acquires there. Young boys are sometimes intersted in stamp collecting, collections of things like stones, baseball cards and such. You might want to buy him an inexpensive camera and look for a simple book of tips to great photography. He might shine there. Denny / [e-mail]

Answer 6

This is a not unusual worry of parents regarding children. Two things could be in play. One, your son [unknowingly] believes [within his MIND] that he is "expected" to do poorly.... and it takes a lot of words to explain the reasons for this. The other is, it is a pattern that has been established between the two of you, and is now habitual.

May I suggest that you begin mostly ignoring statements by him that you sense are negatively self-directed, and simply grunt "hummmn" in response... while not stopping what you are doing at all.

Secondly, may I suggest that you enroll in a night class, or in some Internet class, or some class being offered at a church. The point? To demonstrate your interest in educating yourself.... without saying anything about him, simply demonstrate by doing yourself.

Children learn most by mimicking the subtle behavioral characteristics of their parents. Begin reading more. Begin watching the discovery channel on TV. Take him to the library and each of you get cards, or if you have them... use them more. You get my meaning...

Subtly cause your son to have to positively gain your attention, as you do your best to ignore his negative comments about himself. And begin to point out those persons on TV, or in life who are known by their positive attributes. In other words, change your perspective and he will probably follow... eventually. Remember, this is hard work. It is not easy to reverse habitual behaviors.
Peace

Answer 7

Talk to the teacher and find out if there is a bully in his class. Sometimes kids are down on them selves because they are being bullied and are looking for a way to get out of going to school.

Answer 8

I don't know why your son has low self esteem, but a school counselor or psychologist may be able to help him figure it out and find ways to deal with it.

Answer 9

I don't know how old your son is, but kids are very mean to each other; they judge each other for their appearence.. get him cool clothes, cool shoes, a cool haircut, and his self esteem will get higher, and all the other problems will be solved gradually.

Answer 10

Sounds to me that he is looking for attention and you are giving it to him the wrong way. Nobody likes a complainer and you are teaching him to complain and feel sorry for himself. Take him on a field trip to a children's cancer ward and then see how he feels.