This question is for a friend of mine...Do you think it is appropriate for a husband to go out?

Question

My friend's husband goes out everyother Monday night to a bar with a co-worker of his (whom is a female). They work the same shift at their place of employment. My friend never goes along with them granted she has to be at work at 6:30 in the morning and her husband and co-worker works nights. He goes to her house picks her up and then spends from 9pm until 1am when the bar closes. He then takes her home. My friend has questioned her husband about certain things, but keeps getting answers that he probably thinks she wants to hear. She is lost and confused as to what is happening and what is going on. They have a child together who is 5 and they have been together for 7 years. Does anyone else out there who is married has had experiences like this and what have you done to resolve the matter.

Another thing you should all know is that the co-worker is also married and has 4 year old twins. My friend, her huband, the co-worker, and her huband all went to a concert on 9/5/06 together in the same car and they treated my friend like she was not even there including her husband. When my friend and her husband got home from the concert she told him that she was never doing anything like this again especially with this couple.

My friend is seeing someone (counselor) to deal with this issue and the counselor would like to have her husband to come into, but he will not do it.

Answer 1

My husband goes out ever so often with buddies of his. I think it all depends on what he is going out to do when he does go out. I don't trust other women around my husband and he doesn't trust other men around me, we never know what other people are capable of. I think your friend needs to take a chance on the Wild Side and go out with them for one night because she owes it to herself as a wife and a mother to make sure her family is secure. I mean, four hours at a bar with another woman and drinking, people do crazy things when their drunk and that just ain't a pretty picture.

Answer 2

In general, I don't think there is anything wrong with a man having female friends, and vice versa. But this situation doesn't sound entirely on the up-and-up. Has the husband and this other coworker ever invited your friend out? Perhaps your friend should try to go out (and take the next day off so she can do it). If she met the other woman she may feel better about it. If the husband won't let her come or makes up excuses, then I would really worry about what is going on. Also, do any other coworkers go with them? If the coworker is such a good friend, I don't understand why the husband hasn't introduced her to the wife already. Maybe the wife should try inviting the coworker over for dinner or something one night.

Answer 3

The fact that the counselor wants to see him, and he won't go---big red flag. I cannot say that I would condone my husband spending any amount of hours with a female, unless it was a relative. I think it's inappropriate, as does he. The biggest, most important thing when it comes to infidelity is to never put yourself in a compromised position. He does this every Monday night. Additionally, I care more about my spouse than any other man, and if it bothered him for any reason, if he was unhappy I wouldn't do it anymore. I'd be interested in why this woman does not feel she's entitled to a more committed mate. And my opinion is that any woman who thinks something's not on the up and up with her man, she's right. It may not be a sexual affair, but still just as threatening.

Answer 4

This is obvoiusly an affair.
Even if it weren't, your friend's husband shows total lack of respect for her, spending so much time she'd expect him to be near her, with another person. Whoever they be. I could justify this is they were his family, but even in that case if would be proper for him to take his wife to the bar, and when it gets late take her back home, and after that dash back to the bar if he must.
Otherwise, even if his wife doesn't want to go, it all looks pretty much like he totally excludes her from his social life.
What's that like?
He simply dumps her every monday!!
your friend will be lots better off without a self-centered brat like him, EVEN IF he's not playing away from her which i strongly doubt

Answer 5

Tell your friend to tell her husband that she is leaving early once a week to have breakfast with a male co-worker before they go to their jobs. She should do it indirectly, like just start leaving an hour earlier once a week. When he asks her why, say that she is meeting a co-worker for breakfast. No name or whether it is male or female. We will see how long he thinks that his behavior is OK. ( And she just may meet someone else at the local diner!)

Answer 6

Personally I do not think that it is right for her husband to be hanging out with another woman on a regular basis. When someone is married there is not point for the man or the woman to have close friends, on their own, with the opposite sex. What is the point there? So, I think that she needs to put her foot down. Have him go to the councilor with her or move out. It is hard to have a close relationship with someone if they are not willing to be open in their communication. What's the point of the marriage then. Your friend needs to be strong, share her heart, get rid of her anger when talking with her husband so that he can listen. But if he is not willing to talk about it....then he needs to be a man and leave.

Answer 7

Wow that sux.. if he was going out with a male co worker id say theirs nothing wrong with him going out time to time for a beer.. and to relax.. but my husband and i have a pact that when it comes to friends of the opposite sex.. that we never put ourselves in "any" predicament that would cause suspicion.. and his Best friend is female.. she's been his best friend for many years prior to me ever comming in the picture.. but he never goes anywhere alone with her.. they've never been intimate.. and he includes me.. and i dont have any issues with her and shes now my friend as well.. and she told him from the beginning that even with phone calls, never to tell him anything she wouldnt want me to know because he has no secrets from me and will tell me everything....
Although this may be platonic he's really painting a bad picture, and he's putting himself in a really bad situation.. he's alone with her, he's picking her up and taking her home .. and their is alchol involved which can impair both of their judgements..
She definately needs to put a stop to this before anything "accidental" does happen..

Answer 8

i have never had this or did this but this sounds snoopy and your friend needs to check her husband right now, yes it is okay to go out once in a while with co workers, but not every monday and picking up and dropping off, i dont think so, maybe he leaving something inside co worker at the end of night, your friend needs to face reality and tell her husband to knock it off or leave his stupid a**.

Answer 9

My husband goes out with his female staff about once a month. I have gotton a sitter and stopped by where they are drinking and you know what? They are drinking and talking work and crap....and I felt stupid. But I will say I think that every week is wrong and she needs to let him know that this isn't fair to her or the child. He needs to limit this to once a month or invite her along. If he won't then there IS a problem.

Answer 10

My ex-husband had a problem with seeing other women after work - yeah - it's called CHEATING... Men are such liars and women are too gullible.... She sounds like she doesn't want to believe the inevitable. Some women will bury their heads in the sand for years. And if she chooses that route - just let her. She might get mad at you for trying to make her wake up and see what's really going on.

After Reading Additional Details - I am convinced he is cheating. If he won't go to counseling they are finished.