how can i help my son?

Question

when it comes to school he gets very negetive, he always tells me that he is dumb,stupid, and ugly, he thinks very low of him self
he is not ugly and he is not dumb and stuid, he is very smart, i always let him know that he is a smart and good looking boy but he don't care what i have to say, i think it's because he is in middle school and kids usually don't take thier moms advice, what should i do to make him have a higher self esteem?he is alway using the words i cant, and i dont know and i tell him allhe has to dois try. i don't know what else to do. i feel bad for my baby.

Answer 1

He is going through a rough time right now. His body is chagning and his voice is growing into a man. That alone is very hard. Also he is experiencing new feelings about girls, they are no longer icky and what a person looks like and what they achieve is very important right now. Fitting in with his classmates is also very important. Middle school is definately a rough time for kids. In a lot of respects they are still children but in other respects he is starting to grow into a man.

Use a lot of verbal praise at this point. Anytime he does something good make a big deal about it. He brings home an A on a test tell him how proud you are and call grandma and Aunt Jill. He brings home a good report card take him out for a celebratory dinner. Also rewards are good to. You could make him a deal. For every A he gets 3 dollars. For every B he gets 2 dollars and for every C he gets 1 dollar.

He is going through a rough transistion try to stay positive with him but also at the same time don't crowd him. Sometimes he's going to need space just to think. Make sure to keep an eye out for signs of depression. Below is a link to signs. Many teenagers go through a period of depression. Some just have a harder time going through with it. Best of luck to you. If you need to send him to a psychologist. Especially if you notice signs of depression.

Answer 2

First, I think you should make an appointment to have a consultation with his teacher. How is he in school otherwise?
His attitude could come from lots of things, including being picked on or bullied by other kids, or feeling 'different'. Talk to his teacher (s) and try to get an idea of what goes on when he's in school.
Also, ask him questions about what he does in school, who his friends are, et. He's at an age where peer pressure and friends began to have more of an influence on him than parents. It's very important to know who his friends are and what he's doing in his spare time.
It could be that he really doesn't understand the work and needs extra help. In this case, telling him 'all he has to do is try', isn't going to help. Consider jumping out of an airplane if you've never done it. You can 'try' but you're not going to have a high chance of success without instructions on what you're doing....You need to make sure he gets the help he needs.
Middle school is a hard age for anyone. Best of luck and good wishes. This too shall pass.

Answer 3

Constantly praise him. Make him BELIEVE what you say to him (about him). Ask him what exactly is it about him that he feels is ugly, dumb, stupid. Tell him the only dumb/stupid people are the ones who pass judgement on him w/o getting to know him, cause if they did, they'd know he was very smart. Let him know how handsome he is no matter what he's wearing, etc. You have to boost his self-esteem. Kids can be pretty cruel in middle school. I remember (about 17 years ago), I got picked on cause I was kinda chunky, but my parents reminded me how beautiful I was everyday, and let me tell you, those kids at school didn't hold a candle to what my family felt about me (cause they meant the most to me). You're doing fine, don't get frustrated, just be loving and supportive, and especially thankful that he feels comfortable enough to express these feelings to you. Some kids in middle school now days think they can rule the world, at least yours is still a kid....good job!

Answer 4

Try getting him involved in stuff he can succeed with outside of school.

We had this problem with our son when he was in middle school. He had a teacher who got us involved with a young artists' program that was free at the local art museum. It gave our son something he could do and be proud of that didn't have to do with looks or grades. It really helped him.

Art and music are great outlets for kids who are having problems with their self-esteem. You can help him get involved with a group or you can let him explore different options at home. Visit the art museum, take him to a concert, go on a tour of your city together and have him draw or paint the highlights of the trip afterward.

Get him involved in something that lets him express himself in a positive way but that isn't in competition with other kids. There's no "right" or "wrong" way for a kid to paint a picture, sing, write a poem or put together a collage. You might enjoy helping him find creative activities too -- a plus for you.

Good luck to you -- it's great that you care so much and are trying to help him.

Answer 5

Show him Love what ever he do,.....some time his low self esteem is caused by his school mates you know kids are always talking **** out of each other but talk to your son discover what happens at school it may be the primary reason why he hate it and seek advice from a social worker too.

GOODLUCK!

Answer 6

My little brother tends to be the same way. He'll call himself stupid and say he can't do it. Only, my little brother is in 1st grade. My mom trys to encourage him and spends more time with him. Maybe you just need to help him realize that he does have good points and that everyone is different and everyone has different strong points. Being in middle school can be tough.

Answer 7

Make a list of all his strong points and the talents / skills that he has. Show the list to him and make him realise that although he may not be good at one thing, he is excellent at another. Make him see that everyone is different and everyone has different skills and talents and that's what makes the world interesting. I was like that at his age and my mum just made me realise that although I was useless at maths, I was excellent at English, art and history. That made me realise that everyone has their different strengths in life.

Answer 8

I'm with you in your distress. Same struggle with my son. In my case, I discovered that I also deal with similar issues, so it became a sort of joint effort that helped me a lot and empowered my son. I just wonder whether your son's dad would like to come alongside and walk with him through those thorny issues of self-esteem and standing up to worthwhile fights.

Answer 9

GET HIM INTO AN ACTIVITY IN WHICH HE CAN SUCCEED. ONCE HE SEES HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS HE WILL GAIN CONFIDENCE. TALK WITH HIS TEACHERS MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON THAT HE IS NT TELLING YOU. maybe KIDS ARE PICKING ON HIM FOR A PARTICULAR REASON. AS FAR AS SCHOOL WORK GOES TRY GETTING HIM A TUTOR OR GET ORE INVOLVED IN HIS SCHOOL WORK. ONCE HE SEES THAT IT PAYS OFF IN HIS GRADES HE WILL NOT THINK HE IS STUPID. TRY GOING TO HIS COUNCILOR IN SCHOOL AND SEE IF THEY CAN OFFER SOME SOLUTIONS.

Answer 10

concentrate on all the things he can do.
show him why that is good.