Do I have a right 2 Be Upset with my husband?

Question

Since May of this year, he has been ordering PlayBoyTV while I sleep at 3am in the morning. We have not even been married a year. He never did this before. He's done it like 10times, early this morning was the most recent. I woke up at 3am and went downstairs to find him jacking off to pornstars on tv. He lied to me, by getting up really quick (saying "OH") and saying he had to pee. TOTAL LIE. Then he denied it when it was plan as day. I started to cry, b/c I don't want deceit like that in a marriage -- and he replied back "Get a Divorce". I find out later this morning -- by calling DirectTV to cancel the channel that he has been doing this since May. I am hurt and he doesn't care. I am a repsectable professional and cherish marriage life and dont want this in my life. Also, he is negative in his bank account and chose to charge it.

WHY WOULD HE DO THIS NOW? He never did this before -- and believe me, I'm not insecure. I have expectations in a mate/HUSBAND, and it doesn't include jacking off while I sleep. Any psychologist would say that is mentally cheating...10x??!

I'm constantly going down on him, making him ***, being very adventurous, I strip for him, etc and we have a healthy sex life.

ISNT THERE A DIFFERENCE B/W WATCHING PORN AND ACTUALLY JACKING OFF TO IT?

I'm professional and I am also a musician too. So I have both sides. I want to have sex with him all the time. and we do it at least twice (sometimes 3x) a week. Last weekend we did it twice a day for 4 days (over the holiday).

he now says he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt me and that he was bored...??? at 3am after drinking like 10 beers -- he should have woken me up and I would have had sex with him.

just doesn't make sense. Looking a porno is one thing, walking downstairs b/c I woke up and my husband wasn't in bed and walking in to him jacking off to nasty females on tv is not what I call a respectable MARRIAGE. and to keep it from me and lie to me.

Answer 1

Yes, you have a right to be upset. More than I would be upset about the porn, I would be upset about the fact that he is being decietful, and that his response to you was get a divorce. That makes him sound very selfish. Whether or not he feels you over reacted. if he truly respects you and your marriage, he should not say that.

Answer 2

You have every right to feel the way you feel. I'm sure you feel betrayed because he was keeping this from you. Hurt because he is going somewhere else to satisfy him. Disappointed because he made an unwise financial decision. This should sum up "upset"

Porn can sometimes become addicting and he probably looks forward to this time. I don't agree with it and feel that it will take you to some dark places in your marriage. His reaction "Get a Divorce" may have been his defense mechanism kicking in, because of the embarrassment.

Try to talk to him calmly and without blame to try and find out why he does this. Could it be he feels like he can't satisfy you or perform like he can by himself? Maybe it's because your relationship is being distanced by something that you need to talk about. Are you having sex as a couple often or less than twice a month? There are many factors involved...I don't know him but usually there is a reason and it's not always that he is a bad person with a bad habit. Money can also have affect on a married couple’s sex life.

Maybe try to spice things up a bit, get a new haircut or highlights, where lingerie, role play (not always sexually, whips don't need to be involved!). Don't accept it and try to change in a way that you are not true to yourself. This change may also help you feel better about yourself. You may already do these things and feel good.

Just a shot...you can also order Sheila Kelley's S Factor A Striptease Workout. It's fun and very liberating. Very tasteful.

Good Luck and hang in the marriage.

Answer 3

This is a tough one...If it were my husband I'd be very upset too. Did you ask him why? If not maybe you should. Even if it is a little hurtful. I am also a business type of person and I KNOW I would have a super hard time dealing, but it sounds like he may need a little more experimentation on your end and maybe a little more excitement to keep him wore out if you know what I mean.
Good Luck,
I am sure some how you guys will either get past it or be threw with it. One way or the other I wish you lick.
Curios

Answer 4

Fine, go to the lawyers and get some paper work.. (not saying get a divorce) but make him think that ur checking into it.. maybe even go as far as to get a few different divorce lawyers business cards.. and just kinda leave them somewhere in the house where he'll see them.. .. basically freak him out the next time he simply says "GET A DIVORCE".. see what he really thinks when he thinks ur actually considering it.. If he's just saying it to scare u.. he'll be the one that freaks out, and maybe that will put a stop to him trying to use it as a weapon from now on..

As far as the channel seems like u already took care of that by canceling the channel.. also, maybe u should put a parental control on ur tv.. that ONLY U know the code that way he cant Order anything with out ur permission lol.. he wants to act like a child treat him like one.. same with the PC.. get a Program for your PC like the nanny.. that keeps him from entering any innappropriate sites (PORN) on the computer.. that only u know the pass codes too.. lol..

I personally feel.. Porn has no place in a relationship unless its something the couple agree's upon together and share in it together..as a way of enhancing their sex life..but. If any spouse feels the need to indulge in porn secretly or by themselves.. its only a matter of time before that gets boring and they need to step it up a notch.. till they get to a point of actually cheating on their spouse.. Substituting ur spouse for anything that stimulates their sexual lusts, desires, ect.. is bad.. U promised to FORSAKE all others in ur vows.. and last time i checked no where in the wedding vows did it say except for Porn....

Answer 5

I know that sucks, but every man has some sort of secret. There is nothing wrong with watching porn. My husband does and so do I. I think it helps our sex life to try new things. Every man I know would watch porn all day long if they could. Maybe it helps him out when it comes to sex in your relationship. Think of it this way. At least he's not out having sex with a stranger and bringing home any kind disease to you. Right. The bank account though, I would be having a serious talk about that.

Answer 6

I had the same thing happen to me when I was married to my first husband. I got up to go to the bathroom and he was on the couch going to town not to porn but to Drew Barrymore. I asked him "What are you doing!!!!" He replied "Nothing I was scratching my leg" I said " Yeah right then why is your underwear lying on the floor" He replied " It is hot" I then said "If you are so hot then why do you have a blanket on then lol"

Men are going to masterbate to anything they find. Do not put the blame on yourself. Men are visual. You can tell him how much this bothers you but he will most likely still do it behind your back. He might find it more exciting that you say it is forbidden. I had to learn all of this stuff about men in my 30's in my 20's I would really be upset but since I have been with my second husband I allow it because you cannot stop them from doing that.

Answer 7

Don't take this **** from him I am so sick of people saying that its perfectly normal for your husband to do this.No where in your wedding vows do you say i will go to bed while you jack off to playboy bunnies with fake tans and fake boobs and fake lips who are whores and are not married because they are whores.You don't have to put up with this from him because this is not what you signed up for and i would tell him that and if he would divorce you because he can't look at porn and beat his meat then you are not married to the right person anyway.Whatever happened to people sticking to marriage vows.This is a complete dealbreaker in my opinion and women don't have to put up with it.This could very well lead to cheating in this day and age with everthing so sexually charged.Give him a choice me or porn.

Answer 8

First I will say that I am sorry that you are having to go thru this. I too have dealt with this with my husband of 15 years. The lying part I think is because he is embarrassed to have been caught. His response is just a defensive response and does not know what to say or do. He is afraid of what you may think. I think first you need to really think about this for yourself. Why does it bother you? What is coming up for you? Is it him lying and doing it behind your back? Are you jealous or insecure about yourself? Many women do not mind that their husband looks at porn, watches movies or magazines. I personally don't like it, it makes me feel insecure but after many years and aging I realize that it is just a man's thing to do some times. Not that that has made me feel better about it really, but I do see it. So, for me I say to my husband, keep this to yourself, don't let me find it or find out about it. Now, for you and your marriage, you need to sit down with him and talk about your feelings about it. Don't make him wrong, but be curious. Tell him your feelings about it, listen to him without judging him and come to some kind of middle ground about it. Maybe you can watch it together. Talk about your fears with it, maybe a fear of yours is that he is addicted to it and that is not healthy for him or the relationship. Maybe a fear is that you don't feel that you are giving him enough in bed. Remember this is his thing, it does not have anything to do with you. Meaning that you are not less, not less attractive, not less of a woman. Let him know how important this marriage is to you, how important he is to you and that you want to be able to talk about anything with him. You have committed to each other, to learn and grow together. To help each other thru things as a partnership. This can help and not threatened him. Good luck, hang in there...come from your heart and you can get thru anything in your marriage.

Answer 9

It sounds like he may be addicted to porn or sexuality. He may not be able to control himself. I am not trying to defend him, please do not get me wrong. You have the right to be angry and upset with him. You sound like a very smart beautiful person and you deserve better. If you want to save your marriage get him some professional help, if you feel it's over, then get a divorce and find someone who will love you and cherish you and respect you. Good luck.

Answer 10

Of course..you have all the right to be upset... If he find satisfying to have sex with someone other than you can be understandable..but if he is lying, and doest care for you anymore and his negative bank acount is really a big big and serious problem... it's just like tip of the iceberg.. your marriage is sailing on a very rough seas..