Should I let my Mom-in-law control my life 100%?

Question

She interferes in absolutely everything and wants everything her way. if I don't do that even 1%,she gets dissappointed. And when she complains to my husband,he gets very upset at this as her happiness is all he cares for in the world,and loves her a lot, and expects me to yield everytime. I don't want to hurt him. I want to have a good and peaceful relationship with my in-laws. At the same time, I don't want to stop doing everything that I like, or lose my space or rights that I should have. I am educated girl, working in a very reputed company at a respectable position, it hurts to be living such a life,not able to do anything that I like, or ever rest when I want,straining relationships with husband for issues that arise out of nothing, and there's absolutely no identity in the husband-wife relationship of ours. As my mom-in-law governs our relationship too,there's hardly any scope of us doing anything together(even spending a li'l time together) and developing a bond between us.

Answer 1

Are you in India? Sounds like you are describing a marriage type found in the sub-continent. I am concerned with your screen name.

If you are in the USA or Canada, there are resources for people plagued with emotiona issues and family issues. Please let us know where you are located and perhaps someone can give you resources that can help you work through your troubles.

God bless

Answer 2

I think that it is past time that you had a serious talk with first your husband and then your mother-in-law. Do it at first opportunity, after you have thought carefully about what you need to say, pray about it (and continue to pray for a calm heart during the talk).

It wont be easy, but for peace in your family you must do this.

By the same token, do everything that you can (without compromising what is right) to show respect to both of them.

At Mark 10:7, Jesus quoted from Genesis 2:24, when he said that a man should leave his father and mother and stick to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.

Obviously, this means that the husband and wife become a group, separate from both sets of parents. That does not mean, however, that you cease to respect your parents.

Answer 3

If your mum in law uses love as a tool with your husband - you can use the same tool. Smother your husband with so much love that he will always consider you before he thinks of everyone else (even his mum). Slowly you can broach the subject of moving out or moving ur mil out. It should be a clean break - and no party should feel that their family is being broken. Also try to make your mil believe that you are doing everything she wants, but go ahead and do what you want. Balancing a family is a tight rope - wish u all the best

Answer 4

1 in every 10 are of your set in India.All you need 2 is 2 manage n win your husband ,take his route and try to get him to yours , cut the link with the mother n dependance on mother .this is only possible to a wife n no one else ,act smart remember that wife can do all that a mother and in addition to that also ,so understand n try to resolve things ,explain ur problem n speak to him and even at this stage if he does not listen then go for a counselling and even after that he behaves the same, u have put ur best efforts to be in relation but the other has not,so scrap him and leave independently.

Answer 5

There is nothing that you can do that will be a peaceful way out but you are not to blame, When you got married there was no includes your mother in law clause so you need you husband to realize this and stop being a fool and if he wont come around you may need to realize you have made a huge mistake in marrying them both in the first place

Get yourself out of this quickly

Answer 6

No, you should not let your mom-in-law control your life!!! She has no right to do that. She has no business in your relationship. Even though she is family, every decision made should be up to you and your hubby. You are and educated women and need to put your foot down and let them know that you are not happy. You married your husband not his mother. Once you get married you guys are a whole separate household. She could give her opinion, but that is it. You and your husband decide what you guys want to do.

Gosh! That pisses me off, so bad. I wish I was there to tell her off.

Your husband needs to realize that the one he needs to make happy is you not his mom. Its time for him to spend alone time with you.

You have to put your foot down. B/C things will only get worse and can you live unhappy forever? If you want things to work out with your relationship you have to speak now.

First talk to your husband, tell him how you feel. Hopefully he will be understanding. You have to be strong and remember that you matter and you need to be happy. You should not be unhappy for others to be happy. Everyone should be happy.
If he loves you he would care on how you feel.

Then you should go together and talk to his mom.
If he does not want to talk with her, you do it yourself and you put her straight.

I know you don't want to hurt your hubby, but you are hurting yourself. Be strong and confident. You were not brought here to be pushed by someone who is not even your own mother.

Good Luck Girl, and I hope I helped a bit

Answer 7

Your life is your own. You can tell her, "you'll think about it" or "thats a good idea" to keep decent relations but never let anyone control 100% of your life. If shes that bad you need to tell her, "I dont need your help." She will get upset probably but thats the price of freedom for you. Mother in laws have been a pain for centuries. You must know your not alone. Break free . At first keep the peace, but if they wont understand you, its time for you to live your life as you want. Peace.

Answer 8

The main problem with your MIL is that she is afraid that she might lose her son. Approach this problem with sympathy towards her first. Spend some time with her daily and try to convince her that you are not her enemy. Initially try to live your life according to her way. Once she understands about you, she will gradually leave out all her control. Wait for the appropriate time. Try to avoid conflicts with your hubby at this stage. Give him some time to get adjusted to share his concern between you and his mom.

Definitely things will improve and you will have your own world sooner. A little bit love, sympathy, concern towards your MIL and her wishes will turn things faster.

Remember one thing in life. You will also become a MIL one day.

Answer 9

Respect her, try to show her that. But take your own decision! No question about that! Also try to explain your husband that you respect his mom, and whn you do something against her will doesn't mean that you purposely are trying to confront her. In other words, they should both quit taking it personal!
If you live with your in-laws: not a good ideea generally. It doesn't help form that unique family that you and your husband should be, without a lot of intrusion from you "former" families.

Answer 10

Space out your life. You are the only one who can do. Adjustment is different from subjugation. No self-respecting being should succumb to one. Set your path clear. Learn to act and say to no bullies. Let Your husband be.The choice of striking an adjustment between felial and cunjugal life is his responsibility, not yours. If he really is a man, he will come through. If he is not, you know what it is. Every man must fight his fight.We must grow out of the urge to live the other persons lives. Lastly, have faith in yourself. You will overcome any situation in life.