How do I move on?

Question

Our divorce was final wednesday and it is killing me. I still love him but I know there is not a chance for us. Should I move on? I went out yesterday and I accually had fun but when i got home I felt bad. Why? He still calls me and wants to talk but I think he is just trying to keep me around so I don't date someone else while he runs around and does whatever he wants to do. I would like to meet some new people but I live in a small town and I don't know where to start. I think maybe if I met someone I would stop thinking about him.

We have been seperated for 11 months. The divorce was kind of ugly that is why it took so long to be finalized. It has almost been a year. I figured it would be earsier than it is.

Answer 1

Replacing him with another before you are over him will only make matters worse. Before you can move on you have to truly let go of your ex! It is hard and only time will heal you're pain. Tell him that for you to move on you need for him not to call you. Keeping in contact with each other right now will only hurt you more. Grief, get mad, hurt and then let it go! There are stages you go through and I promise it will get better! Try to find fun things to do with other people! Make new Friends, Just friends for now(until your heart has healed), pick up a new hobby! But don't isolate! Pray for God to help you get through this tough time and he will! You'll be allright just take it on day at a time!!

Answer 2

honey my sister divorced last week too. she is like you she still loves her husband but he cheated on her and he even denies being a cheater.I know that the day ther divorced he cried in the court he cried too but think your self if they were honest in their cryings or calling ....they could underestood the value of your true love.I know its very hard I cant bear it myself. Its very hard to love some one and he betrays you.but all the time I hear that time can heal . dont think that everything is finished for you. I know that you miss him your good memories that you have with him but never forget that you also had good memories before you meet him.you should find a job(if you dont work).help your self no one will help you except yourself .I can feel your feelings.my sister is a psychologist. I think she will be glad to talk to you. because both of you have a same experience.if you like email me at;sara1_rain @yahoo.com good luck

Answer 3

If possible pick up your stuff and move to another town. Start a new life where he won't be watching day and night. You will feel lonely and bad at first, but sooner than later someone who appreciates you for who you are will come along.

Good luck and God Bless !

Answer 4

Time heals all. You cannot expect everything to be lifted off your shoulders immediately. Give it a chance hang out with friends and family. Stop contact or things will get complicated

I have been going through mine for 8 months mine will be final asap. It's hard but you need to worry about you. Dont rush

Answer 5

Don't be in hurry, give some time to yourself.
Start with the things u wanted to do and u didn't had time
GO ahead and learn to live in present, so that u can make tomorrow brighter...

Answer 6

It sounds like you're punishing yourself. You know this guy is no good for you, but you won't let yourself stop thinking about him. You're playing mean games with yourself that I think you'd never do to another person, even someone you didn't like. Why are you being so mean to yourself?

This isn't about him. If it hadn't been that guy, you probably would've found another guy who'd do the same dance with you.

What kind of relationship did your parents have? Were they open and honest with each other? Did they appreciate and love each other? Or did they play childish games with each other---picking on each other, avoiding trust, avoiding being grownups? (Remember, getting older and growing up are separate things.)

Did your father recognize and appreciate you? Or was he too busy, or otherwise distracted, to make you feel special and wanted? Have you been spending your life chasing men who were emotionally unavailable, or even emotionally abusive, to try to prove how lovable you were (or weren't)? And if you found a guy who really cared for you, could you be natural enjoy being with him, and accept his attention? Or was it too hard to believe you deserved it?

This isn't about him. He's just a symbol, an excuse you're using to punish yourself. It doesn't matter if you stay in the same town, or move to a different one---a small one, a large one, or one where everyone has cotton-candy hair and drives steamrollers.

Until you realize how you've decided to treat yourself, you can't love anybody. All you can do is a self-punishing simulation of love, so you can feel sorry for yourself and keep your life messed up. It's a thing people do.

Why? Why do we do things like this to ourselves, when we just want to be happy?

Because we don't think we have enough REASONS to like ourselves.

When we're kids, we get lots of crazy ideas. Probably the craziest idea is that we need REASONS to like ourselves. Our parents think we're great, we're handsome or pretty, we have skills our friends don't have, and so on. We keep a mental score. Ding, ding, ding... If our score doesn't get as high as we think it should be, we don't think we're good enough, and we decide not to like ourselves.

And why do we do that? Because we don't want to be wrong.

The only problem is---we're wrong!

The only "reason" to like yourself is that you're here on the Earth. You're a person. You're absolutely unique. You're a complete miracle. That is wonderfulness, awesomeness. There's no other reason to be happy, to like yourself, to be amazed and grateful for your life, to be totally glad you are you---and to treat yourself the way you'd treat someone who was an amazing miracle.

Everything else is just details---personalities, talents, genetic traits---and no one understands or controls where those come from. Basing our self-worth on them is just a big waste of time, and a big waste of our awesome and precious lives.

Your reason for liking yourself is YOU, exactly the way you are (minus the self-punishing---which people who like themselves don't do, of course). Period!

This is why people take years of psychotherapy---to learn this very simple thing. It's amazing how hard it is for many people to believe this simple idea. We think everything has to be complicated---because as kids, everything _seemed_ so complicated.

If you're willing to accept this simple idea and take it to heart, it's all you need. You can let go of the complicated, childish "Am I good enough?" scoring game, just like you let go of so many other childish beliefs and habits. (I know, it wasn't easy admitting there was no Easter Bunny, but you did it---and you can do this too!)

To be willing to believe this, you must stop playing these mean games with yourself, and treat yourself the way you'd treat someone---anyone!---that you genuinely liked and trusted. Starting RIGHT NOW.

Can you do that? Your ex may never realize he's sabotaging his own happiness. You have no control over that. He'll just keep using you to keep both of you unhappy. People who like themselves don't let other people do mean things to them.

So please believe me: This isn't about him. It's about how you decide to treat yourself. It's about the quality of the rest of your life. (Can you think of anything more important than the rest of your life?)

I know you can do this, because I have. It's amazing how something so true, and so beautiful, can be so simple.

Best wishes, Ander