To people that suffer with nerves and shyness?

Question

I have just seen a question posted by a guy that gets very nervous when talking to people, he cant sit still and touches his face a lot throughout the conversation, many people that suffer with this answered him.
I wondered if you have always been like it? from childhood?
My daughter is only 11, she has been very shy right from a baby, she looks very uncomfortable when speaking with new people, and cant sit still. She's a beautiful, kind girl, and im not saying that because Im her mum, everybody says it. She has no reason to feel so self conscious. She has just started secondary school and Im so worried about her, she gets in such a state worrying about the older children, worrying about getting lost and being late for class. I think shes finding it really hard. I've always hoped that she'll grow out of it and become comfortable in her own skin. Do you think she will?

I have had some really special replies, thankyou all for taking the time to put so much thought into my question. I am so very proud of her, she's a star in my eyes, if she turns out to be as kind and considerate as you all and I know she will, I'll be even more proud if thats possible. I will look into trying the different suggestings you all gave, if it helps her feel more comfortable, I'll do whatever it takes.
Many thanks again and I wish you all the best!

Answer 1

I wish you and your daughter well, my daughter and I are going through the same at the moment, she started secondary school on Tuesday and she is going through a very hard time. My daughters personality is identical to your daughters. Its a very worrying and upsetting time but I am sure they will settle down within a few weeks.

Answer 2

I always had an anxiety disorder. It wasn't something i could grow out of. Some part of my brain just wasn't producing enough of a certain chemical and this caused me to over worry like your daughter. It wasn't an emotional problem but a physical thing that could only be helped by medication. I wish I knew about this when i was younger so I wouldn't have had to suffer years of not being able to cope with any sort of stress what so ever. It made my life really limited and made me isolated at school. I'm on cipralex now, I don't know if this is suitable for someone so young but you should definitely discuss it with your doctor. Don't let it go untreated. And don't let doctors fob you off. Your daughter sounds just like me when I was her age, my mum used to worry about me too. I hope she can get some help, she might be offered counselling but this didn't help me. She needs medication I think. Cipralex is good as it dosn't change who you are, you are just a little less nervous and don't get worked up about everything. I hope she gets help, I wouldn't want her to have to go through what I had to go through at school and for years afterwards. Now I am a lot better and my life has opened up, there is treatment for this condition, I hope she can be helped and lead a happier more carefree life :)

Answer 3

I think that it is good that you are worried about her shyness. Help her with her self confindce, make sure she dresses like the other kids (I don't mean, expencive clothes), but closthe that are in fashen. Help her with her hair. Make her feel as good as she really is. I know that is should not matter what she looks like on the outside, but the fact is that it makes a big big diffrence.
Tell her to have her friends over. Maybe she can start with doing little things like call other kids for homeword, and she can see that it is not so bad.
Also see how she acts around kids, make sure she doen't get pushed around, If she is worried about school talk to the teacher find out if the school can help. Maybe find a small after school class with only a few kids. Don't wait till she grows out of it. If you need to get her help.

Answer 4

I was just like that as a child. Still can be around certain people who are really extrovert, loud and confident. I think the best you can don is encourage your child to participate in social groups or activities. My parents didn't encourage me as they didn;t think i'd like it.. sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and i really wish my parents had been, cause i feel i missed out on some important things like joining the scouts or the girl guides like all my friends did. I feel a bit left out now when they remenis "the old days".. Don't deprive your child of an opportunity to meet new people, they may thank you for it when they are older

Answer 5

You're daughter sounds just like my brother and like you're daughter he was like it from the very beginning, to the point that when he was a little boy my Mum thought that he might be slightly autistic. The fact of the matter is that my Mum worried herself sick about it and was determined to do something about it. First of all praise is really important, helping her to develop a positive self image, which in turn gives you more confidence. The other thing my Mum did was to encourage him to join the Scouts etc, these tend to be good environments for people who are shy because it allows them to feel a part of a group and an identity and in turn this allows them to interact in an environment they feel safe in outside of their family circle. Hobbies are good thing as well, especially if they show an aptitude for it, as again this builds confidence. The other thing to try and do which is probably the hardest is to hide your own anxiety as my brother said that when he could see my Mum stressing out it made him feel 100% worse. The other thing my Mum did lots and lots of was to talk to my brother very gently about his anxietys etc and to try and rationalise them, because the more you keep in the more stressed you become and the more you are likelt to retreat in to yourself.

My Brother was about 18 before he grew out of it properly and University seemed to be the time when he found his feet. He's now an officer in the military and a very acomplished young man who I am incredibly proud of. He still feels shy and the communication problems are always there its just that he has found ways to cope with it and to stop it holding him back.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

I was a shy and quiet child, i'm 25 now, and only about 5 years ago, did I start to come out of my shell. I still get shy and nervous when talking in front of large groups of people and people I don't know. Encourag her to talk to everyone, friends, guests that come to your house etc. Never say to her, she should be seen and not heard, I think this was my problem!! She will eventually grow out of it.

Answer 7

I am 25 and Im just over coming my nerves and shyness. I am very out going but sometimes have panic attacks when speaking in front of people, my face gets really red and I get hot. I am just starting to over come this. She may or may not. The best you can do is encourage her to be herself and find a talent or hobby of interest. She is still young so give her time to find herself.

Answer 8

If she is suffering with nerves then the chances are, she is unsettled at home. Perhaps there is allot of tension in the familly. If not and I dont wish to scare you but she could possibly have Aspergers Syndrome. She sounds allot like my son and he was diagnosed at three years old. Because of the diagnosis he gets all the extra help he needs with his emotional difficulties and I have learned how to understand and communicate with him so that he is not so worried and iscolated. It could of course be none of these but I would seriousely urge you to get a specialist to check her over

Answer 9

That's exactly what I was like when I was 11. When I got to high school, I kind of grew out of it, but I'm still very quiet, shy, and nervous. Maybe talk to her about talking to a therapist. Leave it open to her, because she might think you're calling her crazy if you present it the wrong way. Also suggest writing her thoughts in a journal; that helps me.

Answer 10

Sounds like she will be ok. She has a Mum who understands her and listens. When she stumbles, as we all do, you will be there for her. I pray regularly that every child had that. Dont worry so much, lm sure she is stronger than you give her credit for. My youngest daughter was chronically shy from day one almost, she is 18, out there making a happy, successful life. Us Mums do put ourselves thro it.