Should I tell my friend about her daughter's deceit?

Question

I discovered that my best friend's 12 year old daughter has been concealing from her mother a relationship with a 15 year old boy for the past 4 weeks. She has been seeing him alone and secretly at her house while her mother is at work. The holidays are now over and although she now has told her mother that's she's seeing this lad I am pretty sure that my friend doesn't know about her being alone with him. Sould I tell my friend how deceitful her daughter has been or leave well alone? My friend is a single mom and doing her best to raise a very precocious and physically advanced child. Both are basically good kids and "in love".

Update:the boy's mother approached me worried that this relationship was a secret and that her son would be blamed. With all your help and wisdom I decided to talk gently to my friend. She thought it was a very recent "in school only flirtation" and she was not aware that he had been to her house. I simply said that I was relieved that her daughter had told her and that the relationship seemed more serious and they were "in love". I told her that I had known for some weeks but not wanted to interfere. We agreed 1.to dust off the sex ed book for all the girls! 2. to tell each other's children that we are there for them if they need help. 3. to reduce the need for secrecy by inviting both the boy and girl as a couple. Tea with grandma should be a challenge for Romeo and Juliette! 4. to tell each other if we ever discover something that is life/heath/mental welfare threatening to our children. She's a wise lady and will be unexpectedly "working from home" next week ;-) Thank you all

Answer 1

You could just mention something in a breezy casual way as to not come across as a busybody or act like your insinuating anything about the character of her daughter, I'm sure you would expect the same in return if she knew something that your child was doing behind your back......Her daughter could be getting into a lot of things that could take her down the "wrong road"...As innocent as it is now, The Mom still needs to know.

Answer 2

As a single parent I know it takes a village to raise a child, and in my own opinion I hope my daughter has someone she can confide in about things she doesn't feel comfortable about. From your side I would see it two ways 1)Do I have a handle on this situation from the girl: If you betray her trust in this situation than chances are she may see him under more digressed situations and keep it from all.
2)Does the mother respect my opinion: She may be the type that will dismiss you for not revealing information about her daughter(frankly I would rather not know myself as long as she was not in danger)
Either way the importance I think(I have been through this before) is are you there for the daughter or the mother ultimately. Sometimes kids need more trust than adults do.

Answer 3

The girl is a child, a minor. She should be properly supervised still at this age. You would be well within the law to inform the mother. It takes a village to raise a child. What a disaster if this child got pregnant. It has been known to happen before. I am sure the Mom would not want to be raising a grandchild as well as her daughter. You could also speak with the boys parents as they could become grandparents too!

Answer 4

yes, the child is only 12 years old and is not capable of making the decision on her own of being alone with a boy. Because a 12 year old would not make a good mother, it would be best to let her mother know what is going on. Not only is it the right thing to do, it is the safe thing to do...tell the mother.

Answer 5

Ask your friend when was the last time that she went home during a time when her daughter expected her to be out for hours? Any parent who leaves a teen alone should be showing up at unexpected times every so often just in case their child is getting into trouble or breaking the rules while they are gone.

Answer 6

Maybe you should have a talk with the daughter - if you know her well - I think from this conversation you can judge whether or not to tell her mother. Try bringing it up - if she is all gooey eyed and excited then you probably have no worries - if she is secretive, then it suggests that this relationship may have gone further than it should, and at that point I would tell the mother.

Answer 7

I would definately tell. Who knows what those two are doing when they are alone with each other. She is way too young to be making those kinds of decisions with a boy, she could get herself in a situation that she does not need at that age.
Her mother needs to know so she can sit and talk with her about the consequences that could come about with the actions she may be taking. If that girl is sexually active then her mother needs to know so something can be done about it. There is too many risks with this situation, she needs to know what she is doing is wrong. (whether she is doing anything sexual or not)

Answer 8

Tell her! You can bet she's not ready to be a grandmother yet! She needs to know that her child could be playing with adult issues (sex). It would be a good chance for the mother to have a sex talk with her child and possibly arrange after-school care. No 12 year old girl needs to have a guy in the house unsupervised!

Answer 9

You can tell her mom but what would that do probably nothing at least she found the courage to tell her she was dating him maybe next she is intimate with him she has to at her own time. If you have a kid and they find out you told her mom your kid is going to hide stuff from you and leave you out.

Answer 10

tell your friend that someone sees them 2 at her house when she's at work.Ask her not to tell her that you were the one that told.The mother can get the daughter on birth control before she becomes pregnant.As a parent I would like to know because kids can't be watched 24 hrs a day.