My husband never wants to have sex. He has health issues now, but this started within our first year of marriage. I've separated from him, and he's now trying to show some more attention, however, I feel that if I go back home, the same issues will surface and I'll have to separate again.
I love him, I'm just not sure if he loves me. He says he does and he does other things to try and show me (housework and cuddling) but we have no sexual spark any longer. I initiate all the time and he's just not interested. He will hold me, hug me and stuff, but no sex. I'm 42 and he's 52. We've been married 9 years. The loneliness of the separation is extremely hard, considering my mom (my closest friend) died three years ago.
2006-09-08 00:31:49 · 29 answers · asked by wayouthere 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like to add that I don't believe in getting sex outside of marriage. I think spouses are supposed to fulfill each other in that way. It's part of the marriage bond. When you've been feeling rejected for almost the entire marriage, then are you supposed to accept that and stay married? That's why I asked for your opinions.
2006-09-08 01:58:03 · update #1
I hate to say this, but the answer is within yourself. Have you tried counseling? Have you made sure that he IS functioning? If he isn't, then he should still be willing to do other things to satisfy you, there are fingers and mouths and toys....if he's not willing to do these things, then only you can answer this question.
2006-09-08 01:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by Genevieve 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife of 12+ years sneeked out and left me on Sunday past. I love her very much and I never abused her phyically or mentally but I seriously neglected her. I shyed away from sex and that sort of thing. I love her dearly and I am in gut wrenching pain now, I am the same way as your husband was, not paying attention to her. She initiated sex for years and even sometimes I said no, I now see how horroble that could make a woman feel.
I am 45 and my wife is 34 and I miss her terrible. I just got bored with sex, there were no surprises, nothing new so I got bored and sometimes would rather watch TV than to make love to her which was so wrong. If I ever have the opportunity to win back her love I will love her and make love to her like there was no tomorrow. I never would want anyone to endure the gut wrenching pain that I am going through right now, the sleepless nights, the crying, the loneliness and the feeling of knowing I am hurting because I hurt someone that I love dearly.
You need to talk to your husband, have a serious talk with him with no distractions and tell him that you are are woman and your needs are not being met by him and you love him but your marrage cannot endure if he does not start to love like a woman should be loved. I wish my wife would have seriously talked to me before leaving me. If I am so lucky as to have my wife return to my life I assure you that I will give her all of the love and attention that her lovely self deserves. Good Luck
2006-09-08 08:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by sharkscue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a man with the same situation. Sometimes it is hard for the other person to see the closeness that can come from sex and the disappointment that comes from not being "wanted".
I tell my wife that during sex is the time we are not "mommy and daddy" but really husband and wife. Sex is a fast track to this time, but not the only way to this time.
I have wavered about divorce myself. I think about all the women out there that love sex (and are more adventurous) and get envious.
I thought about what it would be like if I got a divorce and started dating again.
Then it hit me. I cringed when I thought about actually having sex with another person. Not in a fantasy sort of way, just actual sex. I also felt my heart drop when I imagined myself getting married to another person. I knew I was where I belonged.
We make a lot of sacrifices when we fall in love. Some people may not be able to play tennis as much as they want. Some people may never eat a "good" home cooked meal again. Some of us may not get as much sex as we want. I have come to terms with that.
The question to you is, are you willing to go without sex in order to be with this man?
2006-09-08 08:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by butnozzle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A sexless marriage is no reason to get a divorce... My parents have not had sex for 6 years and they do not have a problem... My mum is 48 and my dad is 65... I am 21 and was in a sexless marriage myself until i invested in some toys to spice things up a little bit... Basing any relationship on sex is not correct at all, what about all the other things that make a good relationship? I suggest if you need a little tickle invest in a few toys and ask your husband to help you, this may add a new spark to your love life and bring you closer together... Remember your wedding vows...
2006-09-08 07:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Are his health issues keeping him from being sexually active?
Have you both consulted a doctor about the sex issue?
Is he healthy enough for the "Viagra" type medications?
He truly appears as a loving husband and yes, sex is an important part of marriage, but it should not be the defining reason for a divorce... especially when your husband isn't cold and insensitive.
2006-09-08 08:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is 42, I'm 54, and though were not at it every night, you can bet were at Ãt on the weekends. Enough for divorce, I can't say, but something isn't right at 52 and maybe you both should sit and talk about it, and go see a theraphist. If he's lacking, there is herbal ingridents, etc., that might help him! Sex is great!
2006-09-08 07:35:01 · answer #6 · answered by Fitforlife 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most men after about 45 year old start to lose there Sexual spark. Or are tired of the samething day in,day out. Are you sure that he did not marry you so you will have to take care of him when he gets older? bulit in maid? I hope Not. Getting a divorce because you are not getting any sex. Was the marrage based on sex? If it was, then you have a case, if not, then no. Remember the kid in the movies that divorce of her mom and dad? What ever that movie is called that is what you may get done God Bless
2006-09-08 07:44:57 · answer #7 · answered by dmncprkr 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sex is definately part of marriage and we can't hold back on the sex, because it would make your partner stumble and commit sins (Bible) it's not a monster problem I would recomend to see a sex therapist which they could help a lot.
Whatever you do don't do the wrong thing and get sex outside the house, that's the worse...if you that horny- masturbate.
2006-09-08 07:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by happydial 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes i thing is sexless marriage is agoog reason for divorce.why i say that its because of what woman and man neads the sex is v. important in marriage. in other way the women or the man can get there sex withe other people and that is not good for marriage
2006-09-08 08:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by caption 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have an answer, I just wanted to offer support and empathy. Sexless marriage will drive you to all sorts of
craziness. At least he is willing to work at things. I hate divorce, but I understand your feelings. God bless you, I pray it all works out well for your and your husband's good.
2006-09-08 08:20:22 · answer #10 · answered by Sleek 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋