me and my husband had a few months where we werent getting on and we separated for a while. now we are back together and everything is much more calmer and we are really happy. but i cant help feeling sad about the time we were separated and it makes me cry to think that my husband was without me. i keep thinking all kinds of things. my husband never slept with anyone else as he would cry himself to sleep every night. but i cant accept he might have flirted or talked to other women. im so happy to be back with my husband but how can i stop myself feeling sad and move on with the future?
2006-09-07 23:05:37 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe go to realtionship counselling. you have to let go of the past or it will ruin your future
2006-09-07 23:06:57 · answer #1 · answered by jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly focus on your happiness. If you let things get out of hand again you might find yourself separated again - and going through the same emotions of sadness you feel so bad about now. The fact that you did not cheat on eachother is very important - and wonderful. You should be proud of eachother , that you had the strength to separate, take out time from eachothers' lives, consider life and all your problems - while at the same time remaining true to eachother. You have a lot of things going for you both....turn your sadness into resolution. Make sure you never reach the point of no return, as you almost reached. Bear in mind the sadness you are avoiding and that will help you both discuss your problems sensibly and at the right time, preventing any fallout of this level again. Good luck, a saved relationship is a relationship of common love and desire to be together. I wish you all the best this second time around.
2006-09-07 23:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by Christopher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Behind this feeling of sadness is also the feeling of mistrust. There is something deep inside of you that is making you think your husband has not been 100% faithful during your separation.
The only way to get past this is to talk to your husband. Bottling it up will not solve anything and it will play on your mind and ruin this second chance you have both been given. Tell him your worries, listen to his. Getting it out into the open will clear the air and relieve you of this pent up worry you are experiencing.
Once you have discussed it, and you have answered each others questions and fears, close that chapter of your life and put it behind you. What is important now is your future together, and if you keep looking to the past and worrying over events you cannot change, you will ruin your future happiness.
I am pleased you have found happiness with your husband again. Please don't focus on the sadness of your separation.
Good luck x
2006-09-07 23:21:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggestions for Making Your Second Time Around Together Successful
If you are thinking about remarrying your former spouse, here are some suggestions to improve your chances of having a successful second marriage to one another:
* Getting back together just for the sake of the kids isn't a good idea. Get back together because you love one another and want to be together again.
* Learn from your own marital history or the two of you are doomed to repeat it.
* Honestly look at what caused your divorce. If it was finances, be clear on how you will spend money. If it was about parenting issues, work this conflict out first. If it was due to infidelity, forgive.
* Admit to your role and responsibility in what went wrong in your first marriage to one another.
* Take a marriage communications course together.
* Share with one another your expectations, hopes and dreams.
* It is important to recognize that the first marriage is dead. Don't let that ghost hurt your new marriage.
* Don't be afraid to confront past issues that caused conflict between the two of you.
* Don't dwell on your mistakes. Focus on your future together.
* Remember, it takes time to rebuild trust.
Developing trust and making a marriage work after a divorce requires a strong commitment to the relationship by both partners.
2006-09-10 03:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by OnionSkin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just hope that what happend to your husband will happen to me. This is the first real sign of encouragement that I have seen here.
My wife of 12+ years sneeked out and left me on Sunday past. I love her very much and I never abused her phyically or mentally but I seriously neglected her. I shyed away from sex and that sort of thing. I love her dearly and I am in gut wrenching pain now, I am the same way as your husband was, crying myself to sleep, that is when I get so tired of crying that I have to sleep. I love my wife more than life itself. I assure you that your husband did not flirt with anyone while you were gone, he was in too much pain. He was more likely to have flirted while you were together.
Your being apart can only make him a stronger man and hopefully realize the mistakes that he made in the past to drive you to leave him in the first place and be sure never to repeate them for he will loose you again and this time he may not be so lucky to get you back.
Your husband is by far a lucky man to get you back and I hope if I am so lucky to get my wife back, God knows that I will treat her like the woman she deserves to be treated like. I will adore her in every aspect. She is a darling woman and I was a stupid fool to neglect her as I have for most of our marrage, bascially I took her for granted and thought she would always be there for me and wanted to do things on my terms and not hers.
You left in the first place because he was not doing what he should have or doing something that he should'nt have. The nights crying and being alone are OK, only because he has you back and can use that time as a learning lesson to not allow that to happen again so he won't have to endure that pain again.
Don't be sorry, don't think he was flirting, I assure you he wasn't, go on with life and he will remember his lesson. He is just happy that you came back, I know I will if my wife comes back. I can only pray that she does. Good luck with your marrage.
2006-09-08 00:59:08 · answer #5 · answered by sharkscue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good that you are happy now that you are back together, it seems to me that you just needed that time to put things into perspective. It is not a good thing to moan about the time you lost because it sounds to me like you needed to lose that time in order to save your marriage in the long run. Neither is it a good thing to wonder about what he was doing while you were apart, that kind of doubt can eat you up inside, you need to trust him.
Focus on the fact that he is yours now and that you are his, and focus on keeping it that way. Never mind the past, don't worry about the future, enjoy the love and happiness you have with him today.
2006-09-07 23:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by Richard C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over this. So what if he flirted with any woman, you did not flirt even a tiny bit with another man while you were seperated?? Maybe that is why you are feeling so guilty, were these your actions???? I suggest some marriage counseling and if that does not work for you then you will need to move somewhere where there isn't anyone else around so you feel secure. Good Luck
2006-09-07 23:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in exactly the same position as you , but my husband did sleep with another woman while we were separated. When we go back together, it was all bliss, happy, happy but it kept niggling away at me that there was another woman involved. eventually it got too much of a niggle and I changed, it nearly ruined our marriage once again. I now look to the future and forget the unhappy times, it's not worth risking our marriage. Be happy that you are together.
2006-09-07 23:11:58 · answer #8 · answered by chelle0980 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop dwelling on something that number one, lasted only a short time, number two, may have been the very thing that lead you back together to be happier, number three, is in the PAST and is over and can't be changed!
Tell yourself, "this was the best thing for us and it was necessary in order for us to come back together and be happy. I'm glad we went through it because it strengthened our relationship." Why on earth would you let yourself dwell on what "might have been"?
2006-09-08 00:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be a reason you are holding onto the past, is it because you are scared of it all going wrong again, when things are good some people panic about it all going wrong. Just relax make sure you talk alot and let each other know how you are feeling so you can reassure each other.
2006-09-08 02:36:33 · answer #10 · answered by jean m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how your feeling,i`m not married but have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and we only got back together about 1 month ago after he split with me for about 6 weeks.
He says he never slept with any1 but did kiss and every time i think about it my stomach starts churning and i feel sick and angry,he also gave out his mobile number to a few girls at work and one in particular seemed to be interested in him and she phoned and text just as we got back together and he still works in the same place and no doubt see`s her everyday which drives me mad!
I just keep telling myself that we weren`t together during this time and it`s none of my business and try and concentrate on our future and at the end of the day he chose to come back to me.
2006-09-11 11:52:24 · answer #11 · answered by onlyme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋