Ok my bestfriend and me are both married and are wifes are also good friends. In the past we have swapped with oneanother for sex or plainly swinging. The only problem is my friends wife "sara" and I have very stong feelings for eachother. Now we would never leave our spouses for eachother but there is still strong feelings. The swinging helps greatly to ease the urge for one another but we cant swing everytime we all are together for fear of suspicion. We both want to greatly break the rules and just have sex without the swinging but she is greatly and me alittle afaid of getting caught. Also sex without the swinging would be more of an afair. So need advice on what to do?
2006-09-07 22:01:50 · 14 answers · asked by mcncln 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let us give you some advice as fellow swingers...
Here are a few options you could try....
First, talk with your wife about being allowed to play with "Sara" without her being there. Because Sara is a trusted friend and the four of you have done things together, it may be easier for her to accept. Remember, you have to allow, and support the idea of your wife being allowed to do things with Sara's husband whenever and alone too.
Second, try tossing out the idea to everyone of having a "Swap Trip" The four of you could travel together somewhere for a vacation. But, when you're on the plane, the husbands (or wives) can switch seats. For the rest of the trip till the flight back, you have a new wife.
Third, suggest that the four of you try acting out the TV show "Wife-Swap". So, for a period of time, you'll have to live with her on a full time basis. Again, she will have to live with him too.
I have to tell you the same thing happened to us a while back. We both experienced feelings for someone else that was above and beyond what you should for swinging couples. Eventually, after a while, we realized that we had pushed things too far and what a great thing we had with each other. You'll have the same thing happen to you at some point and things will return to normal. The big key is going to be keeping them as friends afterwards.
Good luck to you guys. Have fun!!!
2006-09-08 10:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop what you are doing with each other and work on your own marriages. This is fun and games, but you are not looking at it in it's true light. It's easy to fall in love with someone that you don't live with 24/7 because they seem so perfect compared to your spouse that you see at their worst as well as their best. When you two are together it's all for fun. No stress about jobs, car payments, kids, etc. You know... life. You only get the best of each other because you are constantly on "first date behaviour". Understand?
I know may polyamorous couples, and my wife and I (who are swingers) have even dabbled in polyamory. My wife had a boyfriend for some time and she really had feelings for him. Not the same as what she has for me, but he filled a role in her life at the time.
The difference between us and you? I knew all about the other guy. We used to have threesomes, also. I knew when she went to see him, and they didn't always have sex. I knew when I was out of town on business that he was there if she needed him and he even fetched our oldest when I was out of town one time and she wasn't where she said she'd be and was hours late getting home. He was my friend as well as my wife's and there were no secrets or sneaking around.
It sounds like you know what is happening though, and that is very commendable. You have to break it off though, sex and everything. If your relationship is strong enough with your wife to swing, it should be strong enough to admit to her you are developing feelings for the other woman. You can love more than one person at once, but it has to be okay with everyone involved (including her husband) and it has to be all above board, nothing under the table. You may be surprised by your wife's response. She may already know. If you can swing, then you should be able to non-judgmentally talk about anything.
Good luck.
2006-09-10 06:11:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I am probably not the best peson to answer your quetion, I do not believe in sleeping with others besides your spouse, it causes this type of problem more than you could possibly know! I say that BOTH of you should tell your spouses, and then get divorced, and have what your heart's desire. Congratulations on screwing up your marriages and your spouses' lives. This is a mess, the only way you can do this RIGHT is to be truthful, end the marriages DO NOT CHEAT on spouses that allready have been "too free" with their mates. This is a train wreck!
Do not let this go further, do not share the swining anymore. Wait for the divorce to be final, and do NOT repeat this same mistake in your relationship/marriage with this person, if she wants to cheat on her spouse in a private way, then one day she may want to cheat on you too!
Good luck! I think you both are going to need it!
2006-09-08 08:36:47 · answer #3 · answered by ruthie_msw 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look bub,all 4 of you are breaking your marriage vows,the sanctity of marriage is clearly defined.IF there are any children involved out of these two unions,THEY are the ones that will be hurt(as always)but that doesn't matter to you lot though does it,what IS important is your sexually liberated freedom to do what you like-with whom you like.Swing?...i'de like to swing you from the nearest tree.Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly,and yours is a sham-and so is "sara's"-spanner's,one and all.
2006-09-08 05:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unless you are acctually in love with this girl , and she feels the same way i suggest you just keep things the way there are currently and try to control your urges with one another until the next time, otherwise you, are going to split up two marraiges and hurt four people for the price of the lust of two people.
2006-09-08 05:07:09 · answer #5 · answered by Mintjulip 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not that I approve of this kind of marriage but why not just keep it open as it is? If u do this in secret and someone finds out...what then? U will only be destroying what u currently have now and might kill all your chances of being with her again so the wise thing to do would be just to keep it as is.
2006-09-08 05:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lust is something else man. . .Don't know dude, it's sometimes sad to see that a spouse has feelings for someone else. Both of you should evaluate yourselves. From what I can tell the both of you suck when its comes to making good judgements. Take that for what it's worth will ya, and str8-en up.
2006-09-08 05:23:55 · answer #7 · answered by 2Cool4U 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My advice to you is to grow up and get a grip on reality.
You're married, and you should not be trying to find ways to have sex with another woman w/o your wife finding out.
2006-09-08 05:04:40 · answer #8 · answered by prayinfroggy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
r u insane?? how can u accept SWINGING ??
why don't u just try to grow up and have some fear of God
2006-09-08 06:34:11 · answer #9 · answered by OMA 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u will make 2 families miserable
2006-09-08 05:04:29 · answer #10 · answered by jojokiki 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋