Why do Men Have Double Standards?

Question

My boyfriend has many of these. The one that is causing problems at the moment is this. He goes out with his mates clubbing nearly every weekend and I stay at home on my own. This week (well, last Friday (when he was out) and Tuesday ) I went out for the first time in six months without him and am planning on going out on Saturday night too (he will be out with his mates anyway). Why does he have such a problem with this? He keeps telling me I should go out more, and when I do - he tells me I'm going out too much! This is the first time I've been out really since we started going out over a year ago! Apparently, when he says I should go out more, he means once a week! But it's ok for him to go out whenever he wants?! Am I wrong somewhere? Only been going out so much because my mates' fella is away and she's feeling lonely! Probably won't ever happen again but he's being so pathetic about it and saying he's going to start going out 4 times a week now! Grrrrrrrrrr!

Answer 1

If you don't want to be treated like a servant, get rid of him. NOW!!!

Your life is really going to suck!

Been there, done that, got rid of his useless butt!

Answer 2

It would have been a lot kinder of you to word the question, "Why do SOME men have double standards?

Maybe you should just ask him if he thinks it fair that he gets to go out as often as you. That puts the ball in his hand and he has to rationalize it himself. When he realizes that you only want equality, he will have to end his double standard or admit he likes it one-sided.

I suspect he just likes knowing you are home, safe. Some men are like that you know.

If he is bad now about it, he will not change if ever this inconsiderate oaf bothers to marry you.

Answer 3

All human-beings are not born equal and perfect so that what makes life so interesting.
You have got to choose on your own who is the right one for you. Remember, no such thing as a perfect guy only in the novels.
So you take your pick wisely and carefully.

Answer 4

No not all men have double standards, I think u and ur bf needs to talk of what actually the problem is, and by the way I don't understand why doesn't he takes u when he goes out with his mates?

Answer 5

Ok

I think the first thing you need to do is sit down together and talk.

Work out what you would like to happen before you begin, try to avoid blame throwing but be honest perhaps for example...you might say something like "I feel I would like to go out more with my friends".

Also I think that you feel that he spends too much time with his friends, you should say this- and explain that you miss the time you used to spend with him. maybe you should tell him that you would like it if you went out together once a week too. i think this would be good for you, to go out and have fun together and perhaps recapture some of the feelings you had early in your relationship.

You must come to a compromise, and this is not a massive problem- it has an easy solution which is achieveable. You're not facing a truly crushing relationship destroying issue. What you must do is both know what you would like the outcome to be and negotiate and compromise until you reach a solution that you are both happy with.

Perhaps you can go out with friends once a week, and go out one night together per week, for example.

If you feel that his behaviour is unreasonable, unfair or- he is unwilling to talk through it positively then you must say, that he either takes your feeling seriously or what is a fairly small problem is going to turn into a major issue.

if you can not resolve a problem as seemingly small as this without success, then the second your relationship runs into really stormy waters then how on earth will you weather it? You should say this to him, because it is a very good point.

Successfully relationships require work, you need to be able to communicate- learn to negotiate and compromise on equal terms with your partner. If he can not do this or is unwilling to try then the future doesn't look so rosy. It takes two to make it work, like two people in a boat you have to row in unison or you will end up going around in circles.

If he truly does care for you then he will play ball, if he doesn't play ball then there could be a few reasons for this. The first being nobody has taught him how to resolve conflicts in a positive manner and he simple doesn't know how. People can learn to do this, so although that could be an issue it is something he can overcome. Secondly, is that he is indifferent and selfish, or just too lazy to try. If this is how things are, then this man has not grown up and you are better off finding somebody else rather than waiting for it to happen.

Men especially young ones can sometimes care about the opinion of their male friends more than they will that of their girlfriend. some of the way he is behaving could be down to peer group pressure. perhaps his friends stupidly laugh at him if he says he's going to spend time with you. Maybe if he mentions to them that you are out with your friends then they laugh and tell him that he's being pushed around by you and that you're probably out being promiscuous. Any of these are possible, never underestimate the stupidity of the collective mind of young males under certain circumstances.

if any of this is the case then all that is happening is that he is weak and bows under pressure of his friends like a sheep and goes along with the crowd for fear of being ridiculed. Somebody self confidant would never allow this to happen and would say something like "you guys are sad, I have a great girl and why the hell would I be out here in this meat market with you when I have a steak at home, think about that when you're having a drink thrown in your face later- bye"

The only way for you to find out what really goes on is to talk to him, if his friends are being this way then maybe he should have a think about whether they are really his friends.

Also bottom line, if he doesn't seem willing to take your unhappiness seriously or to solve this problem, ask yourself this- why would somebody who claims to love you want you to be unhappy when they could change that? People who love eachother are mostly concerned with making the other happy...mutually. If you ar emiserable and there is no solution, then you should not accept his behaviour and find somebody who treats you with the same respect that you show them

this website may help you anyway, lots of exercises to help you in communication and solving conflicts

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/

take care

S
x

Answer 6

Keep a diary for 6 months if you can last that long. It will show how much you both go out on your own rather than together. Scarey

Answer 7

Men are not the only ones who have double standards...Mankind is full of double standards.

All walks of life - every country - every corner of the earth is full of them.

In your situation, sounds like the two of you need to have a sit-me-down talk and hash it all out.

Answer 8

The same reason why women have double standards. It's easier for people to make rules, but difficult for the weak to follow their own rules. And most people, not just men, are weak.

Answer 9

Well, I'm not sure HOW you're going to do this; but you have to find a way to show him that he is being rather selfish! If he is going to create his recreation time elsewhere; then so be it: but so should you, have exactly the same `right' to enjoy your recreation time!!!
Good luck with getting this through to him!

Answer 10

You need to put him nicely in his place on this one - but don't cause an argument about it; it's just the way it's going to be.

And everybody has double standards - it's a human thing.

Answer 11

Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a prick, if you don't mind my being blunt. I think you should have it out with him about his double standards and if he can't accept that he is being like this, then dump him and go and enjoy yourself. You're not wrong anywhere, dearie. He's wrong. SoOOO wrong!