Am I a selfish Husband? Please help !!!?

Question

I have known my wife for 13years and we've been married for 7years now. We have a 2yr old baby. I like to play poker or go fishing with friends once or twice a week on my days off but my wife thinks that I " should grow up". So Am I being selfish and immature when I just want to get away for a few hours to enjoy myself? Is it true that after you get married , you can not have your own time and space anymore? I love my family more than anything and I 've always tried my best to full fill my obligations. But sometimes, I feel reallystress out and just want to go out do something by myself and when I come back I would feel normal again. Any husband out there who share the same experience? Thank you all for your inputs.

Answer 1

I think you need to spend the most free time with you family. Are you doing that. Once your kid grows up you can spend more time fishing and stuff again. I think you need to spend time with your family. The more time you spend with you kid now, the more morals they will have later in life. Your kid can never say my daddy wasnt there.

Answer 2

Please don't listen to the people telling you that you're selfish, because you're not. This is coming from a woman who used to think her husband was being a selfish prick for wanting to play poker and go fishing with his friends or have a beer at the bar after work. The conclusion we both came to (after two years) was that we need to TRY to make things as equal as possible. It won't always be equal, and we have to be mature about that, but if you both try and get out to have some personal time and then time together, that is best. Your wife might feel like she can't have personal time right now because of your two year old, but, trust me, help her find interests that will help her want to get out. You should also be up front and honest with your wife about where you're going and when you'll be home the first few times you go out after you talk things over. This way she'll be comfortable with your plans and hopefully respect the fact that you're being considerate. Good luck! Marriage (with children) is ROUGH! But it can work!

Answer 3

Sounds like an interesting problem. I'm gonna give you my inout. I'm only 18, but I've seen a lot in my 18 years of existence, and I'm not ignorant because I'm young. No you're not selfish. As long as you are doing you duties of providing for your family and taking care of your child, then it's not selfish. However, maybe she's jealous that you're going out with the guys or whatever, and she thinks you should spend time with her. Possibly she feels that you value those things more than her and your child, and you should possibly reassure her that she's the one for you by taking her out somewhere romantic and telling her everything you feel about the situation and tell her how much she means to you and let her know that even though you like to go out with the guys and have do you're own things occasionally, that she's still the one you love and all that stuff. That's what I think anyways. Then again, I'm only 18, what do I know? Haha.

Answer 4

My husband has friday's off... friday during the day, he golfs and most friday nights he hangs out with the guys. While he does that, I'm being mommy. I have Saturday's for myself. On Saturday, he does all the home stuff that needs to be done and I get "me time". Now that our kids are growing up, I often go out with him on Fridays and he'll tag along on Saturdays with me but that's a recent thing since we were in parent mode for so many years.

It works great for us because we hammered it out when we got married and it suits our personalities.

Every hour of "you time" that you get needs to be reciprocated for your wife. You don't mention how you make sure that happens.

If your wife is tied to the house by your lovely baby, there's a chance that you'll become her only friend which means the pressure on you will be immense and the resentment of you "escaping" once or twice a week will also be great.

I don't think you're selfish, at least not any more selfish than we all are. Everyone needs to have time for themselves but in a marriage, it has to be balanced for both partners. Me time, you time, us time!

Answer 5

Well let me just say this you did say "I" a lot. You do have a family which means responsiblities to share together. Try and get a babysitter on those days so you wife can also enjoy a day out. Or take turns. She watches the baby on days you go play poker and the you watch the baby and she goes and has a day out with the girls.

Answer 6

I don't think you are selfish at all! Everyone needs some down time or alone time! Otherwise we'd lose our sanity.
On the other hand though, does your wife get the same opportunity? Does she get to hang out with the girls or go out once or twice a week just like you do? If not, that's really not fare. Since she's at home with the baby while you get to go do what you like to do...you should also concider watching the baby for her while she does what she wants. If she's stuck at home while your out relaxing yourself...of course she feels negatively about it. She wants to do it to!!!! So help her out & take over at home. She'll appreciate it more than you think!!

Answer 7

I dont think that you wanting sometime to get away is being selfish. Do you let your wife have some time like that as well? She may feel that way because she dont get time away too. It is hard to full fill her obligations as well. Try to come up with a comprimise on how to make it work where you can get away a couple of times a week as well as her and you might see a differnece.

Answer 8

look do you ever take your wife out or do you just expect her to sit at home. and take care of the kid. in a way you are selfish if you don't make sure she has time off to .it works both ways you need to take care of the child also.fishing and poker should have there place but it sounds like you really go over board. one day a week should do it for one or the other but not both.who works around the house? you should be on one day . I would be mad also if I was dumped on like you do.seems like it's all about you it's not. both need to share chores im67 been married 42 yrs and thats the way it is in our house hold sorry if i rained on your parade bud kids do screw things up when you get married

Answer 9

Think about this...how often does she get to go away with her friends without the baby? How does she spend her off days? I am sure she gets stressed out keeping the baby if she doesn't have a job and if she does when she gets off she has to get the baby. Your wife has to clean the house, cook and take care of the baby. There is a lot of things that she has to do so she is probably just as stressed as you are. I have to doubt in my mind that you don't love your family, just take into consideration your wife's feelings.

Answer 10

Let me get this straight...you only get two days off during the week, and you want to spend most if not all that time NOT with your family? Ok. Does SHE get time away (equal would be ideal) or is she stuck, as always, with the baby while your out "relaxing"? Or do you think she doesn't get stressed out and frustrated, especially with a husband who thinks he's the only one entitled to "me" time. There's nothing wrong with needing time to yourself, and needing to relax, and you should be able to enjoy the things you like to do, but your question makes it sound like your wife and kid are the source of your stress. Do you ever do anything as a family, or would that be too stressful for you? I have to say you do sound a bit selfish, not because you want some time to self, but because you make it sound like spending time with your family is a burden best avoided. There are plenty of people who would love to have what you have, and wouldn't complain about stress and "obligations" (a horrible word to use to refer to your family). And,btw, REAL women want a man who contributes more than just a paycheck to his family.

Answer 11

i think it's about balance. you need some time to yourself, thats healthy and necessary, but you need to spend time with your family too. TALK to your wife. calmly. tell her how u feel and why u need some time to yourself sometimes. if may be that she thinks you dont wanna spend time with her or that shes not getting enough help around the house or something.... she may not understand why you need some time to youself. having said that, a 2 yr old is a lot of work, does she ever get a day off to go out with her friends without the baby for a while?? in short, u need some time and space im sure, and i dont think thats selfish. just make sure you have balance in ur relationship and most importantly that you and her keep communicating. good luck.