He's a great guy, tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me everyday & is a hard-worker. I love him but I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. His hair is receding, gained 40 pounds and doesn't care to dress nicely anymore. I feel bad but i don't even want him to come up to my work to see me. I know looks aren't everything but can't help it if I'm no longer physically attracted to him. I'm in college and there are times when I wish I wasn't married because sometimes I miss dating and hanging out with my girl friends. They are all single & it s not fun to go to a club if you are married. I feel like i was too young to get married, especially since my husband is 9 years older than I am. He's really just a homebody now and no longer any fun. Doesn't want to vacation, or do anything different! I wish i could have him, just in a younger body & more fun & outgoing. What can i do to not feel this way anymore & just accept him the way he is and not compare him to others?
2006-09-07 18:04:44 · 12 answers · asked by kara m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok so a lot of you are saying buy new clothes... I do, he just refuses to wear anything but a tshirt, jeans and baseball hat.
Second..I do suggest we go out and have fun- he never wants us to do anything but stay home and rent movies and order take
out.
He DOES work long hours,and i rarely even see him but when I do he says he doesn't feel like going out but come on! I can barely even get him to go to the movies.
No~ I don't want to dvorce so I can f*ck other guys. I'm not a HO. My husband is the only guy I've had sex with. I just feel like I should have waited until I was older to get married- I have been with him since I was 20 and should have had fun being young.
2006-09-07 18:26:45 · update #1
So your telling us that you were to young to get married. Well you should of thought of that earlier. 33 is not old at all. Peoples physical appearance change as we age. You will someday change as well and what would you think if your husband left you because your appearance changed? You should still be able to go out with your friends and have fun. Why cant you go out to lunch or dinner or maybe a movie. You can invite them over and drink with them. Looks only go so far what is in the inside is what really counts. You could break off this marriage and find a good looking guy who treats you like crap!!! I would rather have a wonderful husband that treats me well.
2006-09-07 18:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe marriage is until death unless there is adultery, or abuse in the relationship.
The best thing you can do if you are a good moral woman is to talk to him, and tell him how you feel. Tell him in a nice and constructive way and tell him how it makes you feel. As for the way he dresses, why don't you go and buy him some new clothes? That would take care of that. If you want him to lose weight recommend that the two of you join a fitness center together because you want the both of you to live a long life together. If he cares about you, he should be willing to do these things for you.
On the other hand, you sound very superficial. I could never imagine being embarassed of my husband. I've gained and lost weight since marriage and likewise he has gained and now working on losing. With marriage you should accept him for who you married unless he is donig something wrong to hurt you.
What if he were in an accident or something and lost a leg? You would be ashamed?? You should look deeper than a persons outer appearance and look on the inside, because thats what lasts in a person. No person will be beautiful forever, and that includes yourself . Who is to say you won't get a disease at the age of 30 and you will be wishing you would have treated your husband better. I Hope you make the right decision.
2006-09-07 18:15:19 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, now that u are married to him, u have to look at the things he can change and the things he can't. His weight, his clothes, and his attitude he can change, but he has to want to change them for himself, not for anyone else. Secondly, his receding hairline is something he has no control over so u just have to accept that.
The best thing to do is talk to him to let him know that your routine is getting boring and u want to do something different. U have to make him understand it from your pt of view without sounding as though you're being too critical. Afterall, u said he works really hard. I wonder if he's not feeling so tired to do anything. Just suggest to him that u want to try some different activities to get rid of the boredom. As far as his weight is concerned, u can tell him nicely that u are worried about his health and it would be nice if he can lose some weight. Don't just come on to him telling him he now looks like sh!t. U have to come from a "health concern" perspective. Then u both can find activities that u would both enjoy and u can tell him that these activities can help him unwind from a hard day's work.
As far as his wardrobe is concerned, as long as u two are not going to any black tie affairs, what's wrong with him lounging around in t-shirts and jeans? I know some men can be stubborn when it comes to their clothing. My husband for instance...I had to take him to the clothing stores with me and had him pick something he likes.
I do know where u are coming from but just remember that u need to communicate all these with him without sounding harsh or critical and hopefully he'll get the msg. Good luck.
2006-09-07 18:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have regretted your decision to marry him. Well, the choice is yours, how you are going to live your life.
Please bear in mind that what you miss now, you can get if you just go out and enjoy yourself. But you will have to do it without your husband. This aspect of life of course will put your marriage at risk.
Life with your husband may be "dull", but it is relatively secure. So what do you want, Excitement or Security? At this moment in time, you can have one but not the other.
Suggest that you be patient and try to find something which you can do with your husband. He could be working so hard that he's really tired when he comes home to you. Discuss your situation with him frankly, to look for a solution which both of you can accept.
Since you have made the decision to marry him without seriously assessing the consequences of married life with him, I think it 's only fair that you give your marriage a chance to succeed.
2006-09-07 18:51:29 · answer #4 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I am 28 and my husband is 39. We just got married, and I thought about everything that you a just now going through and I still married him. You have to think about things before you get married. Those are some things that you should have talked about with your husband. My husband is already balding and I love it. I accepted him with the good and the bad. Marriage is a commitment that you have to work at. I didn't marry my "homeboy" I married a man that can hold his own. I married a man that I love for who he is. I love my husband faults as well as to good things. Did you pray and ask God if he was the man for you? I did and that is why we are married now. You need to talk with your husband and tell him how you feel. I may compromise on some things with you.
2006-09-07 18:57:06 · answer #5 · answered by Apostolic Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah sounds like you should have never gotten married......also you should question your love for this guy, for better or for worse right???? I know people who have grown old together and could care less about what they looked like.....sounds like your love for him is shallow.
Be honest, or tell him that you would want to see him shape up for health reasons if you can't tell him the truth. Ask him what happened to the man I use to know
2006-09-07 18:10:41 · answer #6 · answered by KryBaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound pretty ****** shallow. I say divorce your husband so he can find a woman that deserves him because you sure don't.
You want to divorce just so you can go out out clubbing and be a HO and ***** other dudes. You're so goddamn pathetic. I hope karma comes around and hits you hard you selfish bltch.
2006-09-07 18:17:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Soooo...you want a divorce, right? 'Cause that's what it sounds like. I had a friend who felt the same way about her husband...gues who not married anymore?
2006-09-07 19:23:00 · answer #8 · answered by wendy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Choose ... grow up be stable and safe ...or roll the dice and I hope you don't catch any of the new dating bugs !
Good Luck ...... some decisions don't go away easily .
2006-09-07 18:10:25 · answer #9 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask him directly to take better care of himself......do more stuff.....think up fun, exciting stuff to do....
2006-09-07 18:13:53 · answer #10 · answered by blkhawk51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋