He accidently left the link on his history on his laptop. I don't think he's actually seeing anyone, but just fulfilling intimate fantasies and chatting erotically. Am I fooling myself?
2006-09-07 17:20:29 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Confront him and tell him what you saw. Tell him you find it disturbing that the husband that you love is sneaking on these sights. I would not tell him how you found out just in case he does it again. Just tell him you know that he has been looking at those sights.
2006-09-07 17:24:57 · answer #1 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. A marriage should have open communication. If you can't talk to him about it, then it's not even worth being with him. It's one thing to look at porn and stuff. To actually contact other people though is totally unfair. It may all be "virtual" but I'm sorry, I consider that cheating. If he says it's totally for fantasies, then tell him he can only go in there when you are around. Why can't you join in on the fun? Why keep it for himself? That's selfish. Ask him what is lacking in your intimate life and what you can do to prevent him from going to those websites just to please himself. Try to fulfill his fantasies yourself. I know husbands usually cheat because the "other woman" never talks about the kids, the bills, etc. So save an hour at least in the week where there will be no talk of domestic issues - but just an hour of pure pleasure for you both. You will probably improve your batting average if you do.
2006-09-08 00:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a litmus test of your communication. Do you ever share your fantasies? A lot of hubands fear angering their spouse by the mere mentioning the idea of threesome or swinging interlude.
This really depends on whether this idea of swinging bothers you or if you share the same fantasy. I heard this is really only good for strong relationships. If it is one that you have share it with him.
If this is not your cup of tea and you want to know how far he's gone with this it's no use making him feel like you caught him red handed, he'll probably just get defensive, angry and turn it around on you for snooping. In the end, you may never find out at that point.
In order to avoid a huge argument about snooping through his laptop files, when your being intimate and you're both excited you can nonchalantly share one of your fantasies with him. This may get him comfortable with the idea of sharing fantasies and ask him if he has any - just be subtle & don't push. Let him tell you in his time. He may not even tell you the first time.
2006-09-08 00:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe you should be really careful. And it sounds like maybe you guys should sit down and have a heart to heart. Maybe he wants to fulfill these intimate fantasies with you but doesn't know how to ask. TALK to each other. If he denies and doesn't come clean then obviously it may be something he wants to fulfill on the side and still keep you as a steady wife. Good luck and be careful
2006-09-08 00:32:16 · answer #4 · answered by Nikie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound too alarmed - I liked Mamma answer. Sign up for an account with the same website and start playing with him. You could really have some fun. Aside from that, why don't you bring up the subject of swinging? Say something like, "Have you ever thought what it would be like to have an open marriage?". See where it goes from there. Maybe he will open up and tell you about some of his thought. Lulu, I wouldn't be too alarmed - I am married and did the same thing just to check it out. I don't cheat on my wife and to be quite honest, most of the chat on those places is from guy's. Bottom line, sit down with him and talk about it. Who knows, maybe you are curios about it yourself. Even if your not, just having the discussion without flipping out will be a relief to him and also bring you two closer together. Hope it works out for you - best of luck!
2006-09-08 00:37:00 · answer #5 · answered by ur_ave_joe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to want to think the best of your husband. I suggest asking him about it.If he denies the listing is there, there's a good chance the situation isn't a good one. If he admits to the listing, I would take it a bit farther and ask him to share it with you. That will give you a solid indicator of where the two of you stand in the relationship.
If he is willing to open up and get past the initial embarrassment and have you join him in some of his chats, who knows? It might open up a whole new chapter in your intimacy. Either way, you have a right to know where you stand in your relationship with him. I would take steps to find out exactly what he is doing. First, give him the benefit of comming clean. I wish you well in this and hope this turns out for the better, and not the worst.
2006-09-08 00:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by whitewolfpfv 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That can lead to physically cheating. Some guys may deny that, but yes, it definetly can. Confront the issue, don't delete the history. If you have the chats logged, even better (as proof). See what he says. If he admits it, tell him how you feel, see if he's open to doing something else that would stop his actions (ie: marriage counseling or retreat). If he lies about it, think of what other things he's hidden from you, I suggest you should start thinking about leaving.
2006-09-08 00:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by 00jag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he in prison? You should be happy that you have a normal and healthy husband. Rather ask yourself why he feels obliged to do it secretively. Is it perhaps because he is not stupid and knows how you would respond. And he did not confront you on your manipulative behavior because he respects you. At least, grant him the same. Do not be so controlling and you may see your life mate blooming? And you may be the biggest benefactor.
2006-09-08 00:36:27 · answer #8 · answered by Willem V 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So did I when I was married, and I loged on in another name and messed with his mind bad ,do that you will get some fun out of it,plus you can take up the time where noone else can talk to him
2006-09-08 00:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by mamma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a spine.. guys look at porn all the time... if you're that concerned about it.. you may want to talk about it with him...or just let him do his thing. Fantasies for the most part are healthy..and if you can find out one of them...and make it happen... (maybe not the swinging thing)... he'll love it!
Don't worry...about it..
2006-09-08 00:24:55 · answer #10 · answered by RUNINTLKT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋