I am a lesbian and even though I'm only 22 and it will be some years before I get married, I'm scared of the time when I get married to a woman and have kids. I keep asking myself what if she changes her mind. It's like the L word, Bette and Tina are in a commited relationship with a baby, then Tina decides she wants a man. Even though it's only tv, it could happen in real life. To make matters worse, today a co-worker was talking her friend who up until about a month ago was the biggest lesbian you could ever meet. She had never been with a man and never wanted to, but she met a man and even though she don't know if she can have sex with him, she wants a relationship with him. That's scary that a life long lesbian could just up and change like that. She still dates women and loves them, but may want a man now. Do any other lesbians (or gay men) fear that this may happen to them?
2006-09-07 16:33:38 · 11 answers · asked by ac 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think that all people are afraid that their partner - gay or straight - will find someone else. The dimension of this fear is unlimited, and another sex only adds one tiny more thing to the mix. If you don't marry too young, marry for the right reasons, work at maintaining a healthy relationship, the odds are it'll stand up over time. If one does bail, it's very unlikely that gender will be the reason the relationship ended. Shoot, to use your example, Bette and Tina had huge problems before a guy even crossed Tina's mind. Don't sweat it. Life's to short to worry about unknown possibilities that aren't apt to happen to you personally.
2006-09-07 16:51:16 · answer #1 · answered by Alex62 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you read that survey a couple of months ago in the NY Daily News that said lesbian live in relationships last an average of 4 years? Personally I would NOT "move in" with anyone unless they married me. And for those people that say well it's ONLY a piece of paper..........that piece of paper makes you want to work that much harder on the relationship. It's not as easy to walk away because of joint finances, property ect. I never heard of a lesbian just suddenly wanting a man??????????????I have a friend up in Toronto and she told me that Canadian lesbians tend to go out on a date and a few days later move in with the new gf. This to me is stupid. You must get to know someone first. I think your instincts will tell you when the right one comes along and what you should do. I wouldn't sweat it.
2006-09-07 16:44:07 · answer #2 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This isn't any different than fearing the unknown in any relationship. My father died when he was 25, left my mother with a 2yr old and seven months pregnant. My partner's husband of 25years walked out on her right after their anniversary to move in with someone 15years younger. My sister had a stroke at the age of 25 and while recovering in the hospital for months, her husband and best friend started living together in my sister own house. Another friend survived being struck by a car and having just about every bone in his body broken and spend months in rehab only to die a year later of a massive heart attack in front of his wife and children.
Its life, stuff happens. Sometimes its good stuff, sometimes its bad stuff. You learn from the bad and go on, you rejoice in the good.
This is what I tell my 23yr old daughters. There are no promises. Risk love.
2006-09-07 16:48:01 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter if your gay or straight if the person loves you they will not cheat!
You said about the life long lesbian who wants a relationship with this guy... Love doesnt come in a gender.. you love the person not the gender. I have been with my partner for 3 years and before her I was with men as was she and we both had GREAT relationships with men, loved the sex etc.. But we fell in love with one another and havent looked back since!
If someone loves you there not going to leave you...
2006-09-07 16:41:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jade H 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think we are all scared to settle down to apoint but you have to trust the person you are with and trust in your love that nothing will ever chang...... Look I have been with men and women and I know that it is hard for my lover some times she is afrade that I will leave her for a man but she trusts in the love that we share and if she is every feeling worryed she will talk to me ....... See she has never been with a man and she never will be be sometimes I worry that a woman will come along and take her from me but I know that she loves me and that will never happen..... Just trust in you love and every thing will be ok !!!!!!!
2006-09-07 17:39:27 · answer #5 · answered by sxypiggy2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most people, gay or straight, are scared to settle down. what u are thinking is normal.
i know its hard being a lesbian and wondering if ur partner will leave u for a man or even another women
i think u will know when u meet the right girl becoz u will trust her and know in your heart she is for u, and then u wont be scared anymore
2006-09-07 16:36:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel that if u find some1 on tha same page az u then ther shouldnt b no problems>Howeva if u're datin some1 4 a while an u wanna settle down an they dont...Then they might not b tha person 4 u.I am a strong belive of....:Their is some1 4 every1 an someday,someway,an somehow every1 will find there person 2 b wit 4life.Think'a bout it.....
2006-09-07 20:19:54 · answer #7 · answered by sophatup 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yea i was like that a long time ago, i was way too scared to get into a relationship thinking omg what if she changes her mind, what if i change my mind what if it all blows up in my face... but after meeting the gf im with now and being with her for 3 years, her being my first love and her getting me to settle down im 100 percent sure shes the one i want to be with, if she changes her mind im sure it will kill me... but i dont think she will... it comes down to trust.. if you dont trust then you dont have a relationship
2006-09-08 00:02:08 · answer #8 · answered by i_love_orange_crush_05 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's always a risk in relationships. You can hide in a little glass box all of your life & watch the rest of the world move all around you, or you can step outside & live.
2006-09-07 17:44:48 · answer #9 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
like any relationship you just have to take a chance, there are no guarentee in life but u can only try and hope for the best .
2006-09-07 17:17:38 · answer #10 · answered by 1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋