What would you do if you are really close with your mom and your step-dad does not allow your husband over or anywhere on his property, just cause he is a different race. Everyone in my family love my husband except the step-dad. I dont want to go for the holidays and birthdays or Sunday dinners if my husband cant come. He is the nicest and hardworking guy I have ever been with and he still wont accept him. My mom has tried and tried to talk to him and even said she was going to leave him but she gets so stressed out, she has heart problems..so I just tell her to leave it alone but what can I do or say to him to try to make him change. Whats wrong with marrying Mexicans, Chinese, African Americans or any other race, DIDNT GOD CREATE US ALL.......AND FOR ALL YALL RACIST PEOPLE KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOUR SELF, I JUST WANT YOUR OPINION, NOT YOUR SARCASIM.
2006-09-07 16:23:19 · 22 answers · asked by na nah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
excuse me but i am a little taken back here , i have a question for you , isn't your step fathers house all so your mother's house ? and colleen o sorry to tell you but your reply is totally wrong . the step father paying the bill's does not give him any rights to tell his wife that her daughter's husband can't come over. she is suppose to be a equal in her marriage with this guy . i can only assume this step father is very controlling with your mother. me and my husband are White's but i have a sister married to a black man . and let me tell you if my husband told me and he never has but if he did say that my sister's husband was not welcome in our home . well let's just say he would haft to get over it .because this is my house to .but anyway back to question , if i where you i would tell my mother that i love her and respect her but i love my husband and if he is not welcome in her home .even if it's not bye her choice. i would stay away to . and if she wanted to see you then she has your address. and she is welcome anytime but for her to leave her dirt bag husband ( the step father ) home.
2006-09-07 16:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is your step dad is an a**. He has no respect for your husband and that means he also has no respect for u. It must be extremely hard when all u want to do is be a family during gatherings and someone always has to make it so hard for everyone.
What I would do instead is invite my mom and other family members over to my own house during holidays or special gatherings and if the step dad doesn't want to come, fine...he can stay home. In this way, he can't use his "this is my property and I can do anything I want" bs over u and your husband.
2006-09-07 16:33:22 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would I do? I would not go where my man is not welcome, but I would try to have at least some of the events at my own house so I could still be included in some family events.
I would also try intentioning and visualization. There is really nothing else you can do to change another person. Simply sit quietly for 3-5 minutes and try to visualize your step dad, being happy, calm and relaxed. Then imagine him next to your man and still happy calm and relaxed - and your man too. Try to see them both together very vividly in your mind, happy and comfortable. Then try to imagine yourself in that mix and then your whole family all together under one roof, happy and at ease.
What you are doing here is showing the Powers that Be a very clear picture of what you want in the situation. Do this 2 or 3 times a day and before long you could see amazing results (I have with such things).
Another thing to remember is that you must remain positive in this situation. Any time you hear yourself say something negative (in your mind or out loud) you must stop yourself and say "no, that is not true" - i.e. you hear yourself say "dad will never except my man", then you immediately stop and say "that is not true - dad is learning to be comfortable with this situation and any day now he could change his mind").
Instead of feeling like he is being bigotted and spiteful, imagine that he is trying to get over something that he was taught when he was small - remember we are all striving to be the best person we can be.
Peace and good luck!
2006-09-07 16:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your step dad has the problem. Not to worry about it. If he pays the payments on the house that him and your mother are living in then they are his house rules and he does have the right to choose. Just think of it as his loss not yours. Have your family, those that will come to your home. If he chooses not to join, then the loss in a family gathering is his not yours. Tell him that his is welcome to join, but don't push the issue. Have them come to you and your home, and always give the dad an invitation. Never leave him out because of his ways. Keep your heart open, maybe somewhere down the road he will change. Good Luck.
2006-09-07 16:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by twentyeight7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, there isn't anything wrong with marrying someone who's not the same race as you. It just makes it harder on family relations. When we are young and in love, we expect everyone who cares for us to share our opinions. But the world just isn't like that. I'm sure you were very disappointed in your Dad for acting the way he does. But you aren't going to change his mind. You should start hosting some family get togethers, and if Dad doesn't come, it's his loss. At least the other family members can get to know your husband. Maybe they can put the pressure on Dad to stop being so stubborn.
2006-09-07 16:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by Untitled 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard that saying, "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family"? I'm pretty sure this is why they came up with it. Your stepfather is not only being rude, but obnoxious and ignorant as well. If your mother has already tried in vain to convince him to see the light, then maybe it's time to take matters in to your own hands. Why not try writing the stepdad a letter and explain what this is doing to you. Explain how important your husband is in your life and how it makes you feel to see that he won't accept him. If you get nowhere, then maybe try giving this man a taste of his own medicine. When you have family gatherings at your house, purposely leave his name off the invitation. When you are invited over for gatherings, stop in, say hello, and then politely excuse yourself and say " _______(stepdad) doesn't want ________(your husband) in his house, and since he's my family, I don't wish for him to be alone". After a few times, dear old stepdad is going to catch hell from everyone else in the family and hopefully reconsider. And if he doesn't honey, don't let it bother you any more than you absolutely have to. Some people are set in their ways and unable to be pleased. Accept it for what it is and work around this man.
2006-09-07 16:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen, I am married to a man of a difference race, and my mother-in-law could not except me, and one day she called me a name I will not mention, my husband didn't speak to he's mother for over 2yrs. And when he did he told her this is the women I choice as my wife, either you can except or not, she comes first in my life. She really still doesn't care for me but puts up with me because of my husband. So what you need to do is tell your stepfather if my husband is not welcome neither am I. I don't know why people only see color and don't see who they really are, they are missing out on so much by being so blindsided.
Well good luck and stay strong.
2006-09-07 16:33:22 · answer #7 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write him a letter telling him how good your husband treats you. Write down all the feeling you feel about him not excepting your husband in the family. Tell your dad how much you love him but also how much you love your husband. Call him after a few days after he has received the letter and ask him if he thought about his behavior towards your husband. If he still has the same thoughts then I would not go over there have your mom meet you at your house or a restaurant.
2006-09-07 16:27:30 · answer #8 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dear the only thing I will say is to:
1) give your man all the love and respect you can,
2) Meet your mother at the restaurant and have a good time with her,
3) forget changing your step father-that is asking me to go to the moon without oxygen and live and
4) last of all, eat all the special dinners you can with your man
2006-09-07 16:41:13 · answer #9 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not go to your mother's house without your husband because of racism. You may invite your mother to join you for holidays and visits. There is not enough time in this lifetime to deal with ignorant people. Its sad that your mother is saddled with some ****** who is so shortsighted that he cannot accept family. One of my stepsisters married a Hispanic and her father begrudgingly accepted him. Those grand kids are much family as any of us and rightfully so. Much like our not being able to pick our parents, parents cannot pick our spouses or children. If some second husband cannot see past his own stupid prejudice do not even deal with him. Sadly you are being forced to chose between your mother and your husband. If your husband is doing right by you , you have to go with him. Again ,sadly your mother must choose whether her blood is more important than this jerk off she's presently married to. To judge someone on the basis of race is just plain wrong. On the other hand I often harshly judge people for ignorance. I can forgive stupidity for that is genetics. I cannot forgive ignorance because it is choice.
2006-09-07 17:14:39 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋