and yu have a child? should yu use it against her as an unfit parent?or chill to keep relations open with yur child?I think she would be guilty in any court?but she keeps calling me? just a way to hassle or is she having guilt?
2006-09-07 16:15:40 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is the one who started the separation and is the one wanting a divorce.
2006-09-08 02:51:06 · update #1
I would say that she has moved on. You need to move on also. If she calls tell her you will only discuss your child, avoid any other conversation. If you were separated from a legal stand point you are separated. If she had sex after being separated then it has nothing to do with being an unfit parent. I'm not taking her side but if you think she's an unfit parent you'll have to find another way to prove it. For the sake of your child and yourself avoid as much confrontation as possible. Be the best parent you can be. Your child will notice the effort you put forth to be civil, this is a hard time for them too and they need you to be a support for them not a cause of stress.
2006-09-07 16:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think having sex with someone other than your spouse while separated (even if she admitted it in court) is grounds for being called an unfit mother. If you want to have custody of the child I hope you took the child with you when you separated. If not she will probably get custody and you will get visitation. May I suggest you offer her the chance to take a break from motherhood, hire a nanny and start being a full time daddy. Then at least you might have chance to get 50/50 custody.
2006-09-07 17:26:50 · answer #2 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as I know you would like to, it can't be used against her honey. Because so many people cheat and do horrible things to the other spouse, courts have done away blaming and have made divorce "no-fault". If there is a custody battle regarding your child and you try to use this as some leverage, I can tell you now that it's going to backfire. As a social worker, I sit it on alot of cases and interview parents. I can't tell you how many people come in and want to tear the other spouse to shreds, make accusations, and then have the gull to try and prove they are the better parent. Truth of the matter is, the courts don't care what either one of you did, has done, or will do to each other, they only care about the best interests of the child and who is going to make the better judgement for that child. If her affair comes up, more power to you, but if you bring it up in an attempt to slam her, the courts are going to see that in a spiteful manner and question what else you are going to say or do if they actually give you placement of the child.
I know it might not be what you wanted to hear, but it's how it goes honey. Take the high road and let her sleep with the entire town if she wants to. She's just sealing her fate. And when she calls, unless you need to talk about the child, don't talk to her. It seems as though she's playing a bit of a mind game. Don't fall for it. Stand your ground, hold your head up high and you'll do just fine!
2006-09-07 16:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just because couples separate, dosnt give legal right or any other right to hook up with someone else. Bottom line is it's your call, but keep your child out of it and DON'T use the child as a weapon because that makes YOU the unfit parent. Your wife is an adultress and in some countries, she would be stoned to death for her actions. Courts don't take into account "who's at fault" (if your in australia) or who's having extramarital liasons unless it's with a murdering drug addict with a criminal history who has sociopathic tendancies blah blah blah. Is your marriage worth saving and if it is, can you get over the fact that your wife has been having sex with another man and to not ever bring that up after alls been dealt with? Just wahtever you do.......DON"T.......DON"T.......DON"T bring your child into whats happening with the infidelities, children have a hard enough time with this world as it is without mummy or daddy pulling them this way and that in the battle of "I love you more than mum/dad does"
2006-09-07 16:39:21 · answer #4 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Richard. Don't use your child against Catherine. She is on her own and what is it she is calling you about? The child should not be used as a tug rope. That would destroy 2 lives. Let her go about her way. Why won't you grant her a divorce? Are you hoping it will magically work out? This "other" guy is in her life and is going to be more of a reality soon, so start being good to her and accept the fact that she loves another.
2006-09-07 16:41:36 · answer #5 · answered by jkcmr2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are seperated - when you say "she admits" she's..... what you're saying is that your asking her and she's answering you honestly. So I think your "chill" option is certainly the best - She might be calling you just to update you on events around your childs life and since your the father, perhaps she thinks it's best for all to be upfront with you. You don't say what she's calling you about - how long you've been seperated - or even why your seperated. So a fair answer to the both of you is not really feasible - but what concerns me is the cigarette you've chosen for your avatar.... I hope you're not smoking around your child
2006-09-07 16:51:09 · answer #6 · answered by halo_huntress 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word: Divorce.
Don't ever think you can USE a child. I hate that and nobody has the right to do so. She's not an unfit mother from what you say here. She's an unfit wife, separated or not, your still supposed to fulfill your vows until it's all over.
2006-09-07 16:22:29 · answer #7 · answered by Lady_Knight 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having a boyfriend is not a crime, nor does it mean she is an unfit mother. If you two are separated I would think that she's moved on. File for divorce. She calls because you two have a child together.
2006-09-07 16:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would try to reconcile your relationshio with her. Maybe she is trying to get back together with you, but you are still having a bad attitude toward her. The fact that you even mention her as an unfit mother or that you are wondering if she is trying to hassle you tells me that your attitude toward her is not one of love and care, but anger and disrespect. Look at your treatment of her. Try to be a man that will love her....that is all a woman really wants. If you have such a low opinion of women, don't be surprised if the next woman in your life leaves you too.
2006-09-07 16:24:39 · answer #9 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you are seperated she has a right to see someone else without you underhandedly trying to get custody of your child (yours as in hers & yours by the way) this does NOT make her an unfit parent. she keeps calling you because you have a child together not to hassle you. for the sake of your child you should learn to get along even if you are no longer together...thats called being a real man
2006-09-07 16:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by darkest queen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋