My cousin's girlfriend (who's my bestfriend) just found out she's pregnant, for the 3rd time. She's 20, unmarried, and my cousin's not exactly stable(not ready to get married or have kids as he's still a student as well), and she's still studying and supporting herself in fact. She's gotten 2 abortions before and it would jeapordize her life if she were to do it the 3rd time. There're no welfare supports in our country. I really dont know how to advice her in this situation. We're Asians and will be terrible ostracised to have a child out of wedlock, and i know my uncle and aunt would be so against the marriage. (and personally i think she can do with a better guy-even if he's my cousin) How do i help her??? She's depressed. Please advice!
2006-09-07 16:14:38 · 11 answers · asked by Liz^24 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She didn't confide in me before about the previous pregnancies. all 3 times is my stupid cousin. the first time she got pregnant because he had taken some sperm count test and it said it was low. then the 2nd time they were 'careful' about not ejaculating inside. now the 3rd time she said she kept taking morning-after pills after sex. he's very domineering and refuses to wear condom so expects her to do everything. she deserves better but cant tell her to leave him esp now.
2006-09-07 16:32:15 · update #1
The only thing I can think of is to talk with a minister. Have him to pray with her and ask God to show her what she should do. I don't know enough about your country to give any other answer.
I was pregnant once and thought about abortion. I had my baby even though I was not married. That daughter in now the mother of my only grandchild. My grandson is my heart and thank God everyday that I had my daughter and she had my grandson.
I had to put up with a lot of talk and gossip and some people actually came up to me and said negative things in my face, but I kept my baby and am glad I did.
Your friend will have to decide whether she really loves her boyfriend or if she is with him for the wrong reasons. She probably should also talk with her parents
2006-09-07 16:37:43 · answer #1 · answered by Big mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this... I'm a mother of two... she should not have that child. There's entirely too many Asian orphans already. What she needs is to get her tubes tied since she can't seem to take control of her life and the choices she's making. Why would terminating a 3rd pregnancy jeopardize her life? She should have thought about that before she was irresponsible again. I mean really... what kind of excuse is that?
I feel for that unborn baby... but I feel even more to have another Asian baby in those orphanages. I know Americans want to adopt children from there... but it's just not happening at a fast enough rate. The children are multiplying in numbers too quick to get adopted. It's not fair to the kid.
If she can't abort... let her get ostracized by the family. That's the consequence she must take. It's very selfish of her to think of what the family might think or do. She should learn to close her legs until.....!
2006-09-07 17:44:01 · answer #2 · answered by VixenMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Birth control or say no. However, you need to contact medical or social services if available. How about the international red cross. Relatives in another country? Better just be there as a friend and support her the best you can. Communications with parents a must. If your culture is so difficult then try to work within it. Appeal to the adults parents or medical staff. Are there other responsible young men she knows and likes? You have a big job on your hands but it will all work out. Like it or not a child has been created. Her duty is to care and protect that life especially if another abortion is not medically possible. Abortions should not be thrown around like cold medication. SIMPLY no matter what just be her friend.....
best of luck.
2006-09-07 16:29:47 · answer #3 · answered by Any Key! Push Me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very unfortunate situation, for all parties involved. But I am really concerned for the pregnant mom, and baby. She has had two abortions already and did not learn anything from that. Does she not know all the same information that you do? She is really in a fix, and I do not think another abortion is the solution.
This mom, needs a reality check, and having this little baby may just be that check. Sometimes, taking the easy way out of problems only leads you right back to the original problem, YOU.
2006-09-07 16:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by MiMi Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the best thing for her to do would be to have the baby and give it up for adoption. Many people in the United States are not only willing, but really want to adopt an Asian child. She needs to do some research and find out what agencies are willing to work with her to place the child. I am so sorry she has found herself in this situation. Are prayers are with her. I know it is difficult. Please advise her on better contraceptive measures. IUDs can be much more effective in combination with condoms, and the chance of pregnancy in that situation is practically nill!
2006-09-07 16:27:20 · answer #5 · answered by alone1with3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about putting the baby up for adoption? If she is 20 and this is her third unwanted pregnancy, perhaps she sould either go on birth control or stop having unprotected sex. I assume your cousin is not the father of the other two times? Have her talk to her OBGYN or doctor about options because unless she has a third abortion (which I am not advocating), the baby is going to have to come out sometime.
2006-09-07 16:24:47 · answer #6 · answered by Cheeky_Chunky_monky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to have the baby and find a nice family who would love to have it. It's her responsibility to take care of herself and the unborn baby so that it can have the best life possible. Her parents can get mad, but that doesn't change the fact that this poor baby deserves a chance at a happy life. And then she needs to stop having unprotected sex. How aweful to be so careless that MANY times.
2006-09-07 16:24:01 · answer #7 · answered by Lindsay M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it truly is unlucky that your first being pregnant led to a c-sec, you do have the alternative for a deliberate c-sec this time. besides the undeniable fact that it would want to be more desirable proper so that you'll attempt to bypass organic this time, because the clinical specialist's surely favor to do i imagine as a lot as 3 c-secs for safe practices motives.. what you may want to shop in ideas is not any being pregnant or labour is the very similar, they're all differnt. there is not any thanks to inform till you're in labour how issues are going to pan out.. it truly is completely your descion, I have had 3 organic births and my 4th led to a c-sec.. on the time the midwives were overjoyed to hearken to that we were executed having little ones, besides the undeniable fact that 17 weeks on and that i'm already yerning for yet another new child.. i'll bypass for organic next time! its a decision surely you may determined hun, we may be able to all allow you to know what we expect of is proper yet its what feels proper for you. sturdy success mum of four
2016-11-25 20:03:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that YOU can do except be a friend to her. She needed to take responsibility as well as him and if she kept taking the chance of getting pregnant and didn't want a kid then she was taking a big chance and needs to take responsitillity for it.
2006-09-08 03:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personally think that she should keep in, i'm against abortion n if i were to have a baby at my age[16] i'd have it no matter what. if i couldn't take care of it,[sad to say n God forgive me but] i'd have to give it up for adoption. try talking to her n find out what she wants n comfort her.
2006-09-07 16:27:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋