How do I get my 13 year old to stop?

Question

My daughter, who is 13, often takes out her anger on me. Like today her teeth hurt from having her braces adjusted and suddenly, I am the worst mother in the world, then by the end of the night she feels worse because she actually does care about me. So what can I do to help her express her emotions in a less dramatic way?

Answer 1

This just happened to me yesterday, well obviously not this specifically, but the same situation happened with my eleven year old daughter and me just yesterday. And I was remembering that it was about a month ago that it was like this, too, where I felt like I was slapped in the face by her attitude toward me. On both occasions, yesterday and one month ago, I felt like I had been punched, I mean I didn't let her see it but I actually cried and I don't cry very often (and I know I need to, but that's another issue). It's always when she is super tired and/or run down. She is just starting to develop and I know that takes a lot out of them on every level. My daughter also tries to take it out on me and I just refuse to allow her to but I try not to react in any way to her. Like yesterday I just shut down on her immediately after she lashed out at me. I kept my distance but watched her closely. We drove over to my dad's and by the time we got there she said she was so sorry, she hates it when she's mean to me and she knew she hurt my feelings. I told her I'm not going to lie to you, my feelings were hurt, but I do understand how it feels to be tired and grumpy. Then she told me about something that had happed at school that day and it was a very big deal because it embarrassed her and she is in her first week at a new school and it's all very overwhelming going from elementary school to middle school. Our daughters are transitioning just as fast and furiously as an oncoming train. They say that at no other time in human development except for infancy is the human brain changing and developing so quickly as it is during adolescence. Your daughter sounds like she loves you very much. It seems like if I act the way I want my daughter to act and she notices it she learns best from that. So when I am hurt by her, and she is sensitive enough to realize in hindsight that she was horrible, I can start off by talking about that and talking about how a person deals with it when they are hurt and they want to lash out. Explain to her how you refrained from doing the same thing back to her. Try and give her some solid suggestions for handling her anger, like taking deep breaths or saying a little verse in her head or whatever.

Answer 2

u should be able to give her some sort of pain killers to ease the physical pain. Nurofen used to work well for me when i had braces. Adjustments r the pits though, there is nothing enjoyable about the experience plus u wind up with a pain in ur head n mouth like u got hit by a car. Feels something similar to having ur skull n jaw put in a vice for a couple of hours- it really hurts when its being done but it keeps hurting afterwards, not less, just in a different way. Unfortunately at this point its kind of a case of 'bear with a SORE head'. Ur best bet not to be growled at is to let her go into her room, play music, or go online, or read: anything relatively passive that she feels like doing (within reason of course). Just make sure she has a cold drink or ice cream n jelly or something cool n sweet to eat : the coolness helps ease the pain n the sweetness helps soothe 'the beast' lol. Other than that just dont bug her, sure check how she's feelin but the 1 big no-no is DONT tell her its all for the best when she's grumpy about havin braces because, frankly, sometimes i can remember not caring about the long term, i was ready to rip all that wire crap outta my mouth with Dad's pliers, i was soo fed up with the constant pain n hassle n the grosse breath u can't avoid sometimes n being teased about eating stuff differently at school, n although i was really careful, being teased about havin something stuck in the braces or not being able to eat what everyone else was. I had braces for 3 1/2 years n there were many times i wondered if all that pain n discomfort n social punishment could ever be worth having 'prettier teeth'. Teenagers don't tend to c far into the future don't forget.

Answer 3

I will be turning 18 in two weeks and I still suck my thumb. It's a nasty habit that my parents say started when I was about to turn 1. I have been trying to stop for about two years and I just can't. If you constantly remind her that she is sucking her thumb she will get tired of you telling her and eventually let up off the sucking. That's what I think. If I had someone constantly teling me to stop. . . . I probably would have stopped years ago.

Answer 4

Being 13 is a rough period for both you and your daughter. Believe me, although she may take her anger out on you, she actually does love and care about you.

She needs to channel her anger in a different way, rather than using you for that purpose. When you see her becoming angry, try and calm her down and talk about the situation before it becomes a full-blown temper tantrum. You might also want to get her into counseling. She may be having a hard time adjusting to her first teen year.

Answer 5

Have you tried to sit down with her and talk to her about how this makes you feel? Sometimes at that age, children are having a very rough time in trying to find their place. They are too old to be completely dependent, and too young to be independent. But, they do understand a lot more than they did 2 years earlier. Give her a chance to see things from the grown-up point of view.

Answer 6

This is a terrible age the hormones are all over the place.
It is a little confusing.
Explain to her that these years aren't the best but they don't last you will come through them and you will go into a new phase of your life which will be better.
It is like the teenage pimples to a teen they are a disaster"Wear them with pride they belong to the teen years one day you will no longer have them.
Lighten her load .
Also let her know that she needs to show respect she has a right to be angry but keep it to herself!
Take care!

Answer 7

Tough love is always the answer considering what problems could form if parental neglect occur...keep up the good parenting...your giving her the guidance and discipline that she will thank you for and need in the long run!

As far as her attitude towards you just sit her down and have a face-to-face talk with her...don't ever give up on your children though always try harder!

Best of Luck To You!

Answer 8

A lot of kids act this way when they become teenagers (hormones, PMS, etc...) There is probably something wrong that she is not telling you about and just taking it out on you because she feels comfortable with you and loves you. Whatever you do, don't start screaming and arguing. Teach her how to talk to you about her feelings.

Answer 9

Although she is going through puberty, she needs to know that she still needs to respect you as her mother and not to take her emotions out on you. As far as the braces situation I had them as well and it hurts like hell when you get them tightned. Remind her that she will thank you later on in life for getting and paying for them and to make her realize that she would only be in discomfort for some hours. Tell her to chill out and calm down and show you a little more respect as her mother.

Hope this helps

Answer 10

Just let her know that u love her no matter how she acts, also let her know that if she likes the things in her room she will act better and appreciate you more or lose that.I know she is hurting but that is no reason to treat you bad. Get a hand on it now or she will be really tuff to handle when she gets older.Whats the saying "they step on ur toes when they are young and on ur heart when they are older.Gotta love em!