Great answers, but I need more help. He says he does not love me.?

Question

my husband of 3 years has told me on several occasions that he does not love me? what should i do?

Is this normal to feel like that at times or is this a sign that I should run? He says that he would not leave. "'I’m stuck in a miserable marriage" is what he says. The hard part for me is that when we are not fighting things are cool. He tells me he loves me and we have good sex. Could he be faking this, or is it just his ego talking when we fight? The hurtful thing is that he seems very convincing when he says he loves me and when he says he does not.

Eric understands. He wrote, " Ask yourself if things are likely to change in the relationship, and if they are not, you have but only two choices; stay where you are, and try to find the good about it, or move on with your life, and find someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated. But keep in mind; no relationship is perfect, and maybe the faults he has are not as bad as they could be in another relationship.

Yes, other than the two or three times he has said this, things are good. He treats me well and provides for me and is kind to me. So that makes it hard. I know people who say they love each other and do not have it like I have it. How important is love? Does a person hop from marriage to marriage on the fickleness of love?

Answer 1

It sounds like he's using the words "I don't love u anymore" to get a rise out of u everytime he's angry with u. I know some people confuse anger with hate but he shouldn't be dangling this thing in front of u like a sword whenever he's mad at u. It's almost the same as someone saying "I want a divorce" every time they get into a fight.

This is a tough situation and u need to let him know that he can't keep on saying this to u everytime he gets angry with u because it is damaging u emotionally. If he keeps on saying this then u tell him that if he doesn't love u, there's the door.

Answer 2

U are right, no relationship is perfect but a man who says he loves u would never treat u like that. sometimes little arguements or disagreements bring out the honest side of a person but also can be vice versa so this is a hard question to answer. Is he the only one working? sometimes men get overwhelmed with work or school if his wife or girlfriend is not working and he is the main provider. Do you have kids together? sometimes splitting up is the best for a couple but also u need to talk to him about how u really feel and if he tends to show he does not care then there is not much u could do. Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to talk about this when you aren't fighting. Some people don't 'fight fair'...they don't think before they say things. If, when things are cool, he still says he doesn't love you then you get out, there is no hope. If its something he just says when he's angry then you have to make him understand that words can hurt just as much as actions can and they can do just as much damage to a relationship.

Mine didn't get it either and would say things that lasted and hurt us long after the fight was over, I tried at length to explain the concept to him...no results SO I tried a different tactic...I gave him a taste of his own medicine. During one fight I just let it rip! I proved I could be as viscious and hurtful as he can, I said things I knew would bother him for days....when things were cool and he brought it up I said no I didn't mean it, I said it to prove a point, that I CHOOSE not to behave like that when we fight, I just wanted to let you know I could and I will if you do it. Since then even when we argue he has magically developed the ability to watch what he says! Its pretty amazing, and it felt pretty good to me too after all the crap I heard (LOL). Men often don't understand things unless they feel it for themselves. If you change nothing, nothing will change. Obviously whatever you are doing right now is telling him he can do this stuff and get awsay with it. You teach people how to treat you, I would say this boy needs some new lessons and you need a new lesson plan. It may seem extreme but what do you have to lose? Your marriage isn't going to last like this anyway and even if it doesn't at least you didn't go out like a doormat! Good luck!

Answer 4

I think love is very important. I would put some serious thought into what he said. It really doesnt sound like he is willing to change. Maybe you should re-evaluate the situation, Be ready to move on if you have to. Life is to short not to try your best to be happy. No relationship is perfect but aleast find someone that adores you and treats you the way you want to be treated all the time. Good Luck

Answer 5

This is a difficult question. But you need to ask yourself how important is love to you? When you get older, much much older you depend on each other you seek each others companionship. The sex, and good times will come and go, throughout your relationship. Love lasts forever, you're going to need each other, will he be there or just say this sucks and I don't love you. To me it sounds like when the going gets tough, he turns the other way and resorts to saying mean things. You should love that person unconditionally?
My question is: Is it the easy road to just stay and the thought of moving on is holding you backbecause its tough, or is it that unconditional love that you have that keeps you here?

i am also having a relationship problem please read mine the answers were good but I would like more advice.. It titled would your feelings be hurt

Answer 6

The next time he tells you that he does not love you and that he is stuck in a miserable marriage, give him two choices. Tell him he can either leave and get out of the miserable marriage, or he can stay and never mention it again. He needs to grow up. He is whining about things when he fights with you and wants to hurt you with his complaints. You need to give him the one warning and say that it is high time he grew up and acted like a mature married man.

Answer 7

You're right about one thing, no relationship is perfect. However, why stay with someone whose pretty much "playing games" with you? He tells you he doesn't love you then he turns around and tells you he loves you then have sex. Maybe he should consider counseling because there's clearly something wrong there. Since you are planning on staying with him, tell him that he needs to refrain from saying hurtful things to you. Advise him that he should respect you instead of hurting you. Let him know how you feel when he tells you he doesn't love you. Ask him how do would he feel if you say that to him. Please don't allow this man to continue to disrespect and use you.

Answer 8

Stress can sometimes do alot to harm a relationship. Talk to him when you 2 are cool. Be very strong and serious. Ask him if there is anything he would change your lives that will make him happy. He might be stressed, depressed, you never know. if he is depressed ask him how can you help him?. Another thing. Stand up for your self. Dont let him tell you that anymore. Get mad. not violant. Mad. use psychology. when you show a weakness. your husband will keep taking advantage of it. also ask him if he is not happy why is he with you? study him

Answer 9

Have you actually sat down and talked to your husband about his behavior. Don't do it when you guys are arguing.

Can you deal with the fighting? Are you just settling?
It seem like marriage is supposed to be so wonderful, then real life happens. It all depends on your expectations in life.

Maybe he is manic depressive.....changing from good guy to bad guy. Maybe he needs to see a doctor. Or maybe this is how he grew up in life and just expects to have a troubled marriage.

Divorce isn't always the answer. But no one should live in missery. I chose to not live in missery.

Answer 10

It sounds as if he loves you, even though at times he says he does not. Perhaps the relationship has become a bit stagnant to him. Try wearing different lengths and colors of wigs, different outfits, styles of make-up, and change the way you act during foreplay and sex [perhaps the aggressor, a woman being raped, a virgin on her first date, a temptress, or a dominatrix, etc.].

Thus each night when he comes home [or in some cases, after the children have gone to bed], he will never know who he will be with that night.