(kind of long) Why.....?

Question

has my ex-best friend not gone off and told everyone the secret I told him?

My family & I moved to this town when I was 12. I had a bit of trouble making friends, but I made one (Jason) who was two years older than me, after about two weeks of being here. He had many friends, but he was the only friend I had. Two years later I told him I was gay, I was really scared he would hate me, but as it turned out, he was gay too. A few months after that he decided to "come out". He had a lot of people picking on him, & his friends, especially me. I got scared of them, as a lot of them were Jason's age, & all were more powerful than me. So I joined them when they asked. Jason had many friends that supported him, but I (regretfully) abandoned him. Since then I've become a bit popular. I've a lot of friends, but they'd all abandon me if I told them I was gay.

If Jason hated me for abandoning him, me being gay would be old news! Why Doesn't he?!

What I did was evil and thoughtless, right?

Answer 1

you sound like a right nelly, and i would be disgusted to be in your company!

Answer 2

I guess you just felt like you would be picked on if you didn't join this other group, but you did your first friend an awful injustice by abandoning him. Communication is key now and use it to ask your friend for forgiveness about what you did. Just as you said in here, let him know why you did it and if you really want to be friends again.
If he doesn't forgive you or want to be your friend, you can stay with the group (who actually were mean and insincere to start with) and try to live with this. I don't think you feel very good or happy with this situation if you are a decent person, but you'll have to decide for yourself.
You could distance yourself from the 'popular' group and hope that your friend Jason will see that you're trying to change your ways and made a mistake. Good luck and do what's in your heart~

Answer 3

Shame on you sweetie!
Have you no sense of self? You do not have to be out of the closet to support another.
Has your mother never told you that NOBODY has the right to bully you or put their hands on you? Afraid of what! Name calling and insults. Please. Nothing will hurt you more than the day you came out and you are rejected by some you thought to love you. And now you will not have Jason to turn to. You F'd up. Apologize to him. You will never have what you had with him before but you may be able to ease your mind a bit. This too is a selfish action (apologizing to ease your own mind) but trust me he will benefit. You CAN have two sets of friends that do not get along. It happens. If someone does not like you for being a true friend to Jason then are they really your friend at all. Stop letting these no goods make your decisions, stand up and face Jason like a woman. Again, he may reject you but you will have made that effort. And if he does reject you don't you deserve it? He will get over it eventually and then maybe you two can work on healing your friendship. (without outside influences!)

Answer 4

Sorry, but I won't be so easy on you..what you did was out and out betrayal of a kind friend...you have NO friends now, none what so ever...by your own admission, they would drop you in a flash if they knew you were gay..some friends, ...You have a great lack of character, you will regret what you have done til your dying day, that I will guarantee. He doesn't hate you, you just disappointed him as a person..he is not revengeful, he is a kind person. I hope you live long enough to develop some of these traits. EviL ?? NO, Thoughtless...oh, you thought about it, alright, and you made a Conscience decision as to what you have done...no, you don't get off that lightly. Good luck

Answer 5

You are not evil. You are just a coward. He probably knows that.
He doesn't live in your world now. He has probably got other friends that he doesn't have to lie to and pretend to. Real friends. He doesn't even think about you.
You can't change what you did. As usual, by taking what seemed like the easy way, you've ended up in the hardest place. Stop brooding over the past, start thinking about the future. What are you going to do? Turn heterosexual? Live a lie?
Get a grip, and make some decisions.

Answer 6

If you were really the best 16 year old ever, you wouldn't have done that to your friend.
What you did was trifling, and wrong. How could you? Do you know how hard it is to find a good friend in this world? Especially one that accepts you for being gay? Do you even realize what you just lost?
And now because you're popular, you want validation for what you did?
If you were looking for sympathy, I'm sorry, but I can't, and won't, give it to you. You're lucky he kept your secret, because I know I wouldn't have.

Answer 7

Because he has walked in your shoes, and even though you hurt him, he probably doesn't want to do the same to you. Remember, he knows that it CAN be very difficult to come out, and he doesn't want you to experience the kind of hurt and pain he has had to endure.

More importantly than telling you why he hasn't "outted" you I have to offer you this advice--You should seriously consider making ammends with Jason. He sounds like a true friend. Unfortunately, in life, we aren't all very lucky to find true friends as we travel on our journey. You may come to seriously regret throwing away a "true" friend for other people who are not (especially those who can't accept you for who you are!)

Answer 8

What you did was human.
You recognize that it was less than ideal, but it was hardly uniquely horrible (unfortunately). Jason sounds like he may just be a stronger person than you--or at least was at the time.
I agree that it would show integrity to behave more honestly about Jason, and it sounds like you would feel better about yourself if you at least made some effort to express your regret to Jason. Maybe a note or an e-mail if you can't bring yourself to talk to him in person?

And yeah, things will probably get easier as you get older. :)

Answer 9

I wouldn't say evil.

Honestly you were a little selfish. He was your friend and you abondoned him when he needed you. You of all people should have understood and stood by him.

Perhaps he still cares for you and does not want you to go through what he did.

On another point, these "friends" of yours, are they worth it? If you thought they were really your friends you would not be worried about being abandoned. if they did you don't need them. surrounding yourself with false people and denying who you are is not healthy.

You don't have to go around telling everyone you are gay if you don't want to, but you might want to find out how open-mined these friends of yours are. Also, try patching things up with that old friend of yours. You need someone like that.

Anyway, best of luck to you. everyone makes bad choices. that doesn't make you evil. try and learn from the missteps you have taken.

Best of luck : )

Answer 10

well lets just say Jason proved that he is a better individual than you.

That might be a little tough to hear but you were the one that betrayed a friend. Maybe your youth and immaturity at the time could be taken into consideration but it doesn't excuse the betrayal.

If your conscience is bothering you, then you need to make amends with Jason and yourself.

Answer 11

Keep it very simple. There are only two people here you have to be right with. One is yourself and the other is Jason. These are your priorities. You are already right enough with yourself to realize that you might want to change your mind about what has happened. It takes courage to notice our mistakes. If you have made a mistake, then move to step two. Step Two is to decide if you would like Jason as your best friend once again. If this is a definite yes, then move to Step Three. Step Three is to find a way to get in touch with him again, and tell him simply what you are feeling in and from your heart about what has happened and what you would like to see changed about all of it. Friendship with anyone these days is worth its weight in gold. To have a best friend is such an honor, and you stand to recover a very fine friendship here, if you are willing to extend yourself and be fully human and reach out from your heart. Other people will react the way other people will react. Some will admire you for being so straightforward and honest about what you know of all of this with him. Others will posture with you and possibly parent you with scolding or guilt-laden attitudes, all of which you can do nicely without. Keep your focus on the value of this friendship to you. I once had someone come to me to apologize for something very different from what you are looking at, but the moment I heard the person start with his apology I said "Oh, no. No apology. Just the fact you have reached the point of apology means everything to me. You are completely forgiven. I'm glad we've opened the channel again!" (At this point I was crying openly.) And that was that. We hugged and have been friends ever since. If anyone makes you feel as though you have to jump through hoops of fire to get clear with them, then just know that you have done your best, and move on in your life. Believe me, having the humility and decency to know this needs to be addressed with Jason is virtually the whole thing. Fixing the friendship is just the logical outcome. If you go to him and state your case and he does not respond in a civil way to your feelings, then the ball is in his court, where he will have to wrestle with your honesty until he can accept who you are and what you're made of. I take my hat off to you for (1) realizing how important this all is and (2) for knowing it needs to be fixed and (3) that you are strong enough to stand up to it and do it. I also hope what I have told you will make all of this not more difficult, but much easier. Sent to you with love and good energies from Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old.)