I need to know when to leave my husband?

Question

My husband tells me so much stuff that is not true and even when he gets caught in the lie, he tries to continue with the lie and it is really upsetting after 12 years of marragie. I found the fact that porn had been on are computer and it was hidden in different files that he said was games and when i clicked on the games it took me to a porn site and again he denied it. I know he is lying and i am very un happy and not sure what to do. I am worried what else he is lying about?????

Answer 1

you want to leave him over porn?....there wouldnt be any married couples left if all women did that!

Answer 2

Just because he is lying about the porn does not mean that he is lying about other things. He might just enjoy it, and knows that you would not approve of it... If you are having other problems with him, and things are not good for other reasons besides that, then just leave, there is really no good time to go, it will hurt no matter what, but 12 years is a long time to have wasted if it is just over the porn issue.. Good luck, and do a lot of soul searching before you do something that you will regret later...

Answer 3

First of all I'm so sorry for what your going through, and I speak from experience. It's not just the PORN but the lies. If he's not tell the truth about this, he lies about other stuff, most of it sexual. My EX swore he wasn't doing anything else, even when I found a "sexual toy, that we sure weren't using he still denied everything. It wasn't until we were going through our divorce he admitted he had been cheating but wanted me back. I had already wasted 20 years of my young life on this lie. It was terrible for years, but I'm now married to a wonderful man.
It does change you, you don't ever really get over it and not trusting will always be a problem, but it does get better. Just now you deserve better. Good Luck & God Bless

Answer 4

you're going to divorce him over porn? or are there other lies? he's probably just ashamed and embarrased about the porn since you obviously don't approve of it. All guys look at porn. And there are white lies and black lies, I'd say the lookijng at porn thing is a white lie. Maybe just talk to it and tell him it's not the fact that he's looking at porn, it's the fact that he lied to you. BUT if the fact he's looking at porn is upsetting to you, and he told you he was looking at porn, and you didn't approve, that would be just as bad as lying about it right? All guys look at porn, any red-blooded guy that is. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want to be with you. It's similar to the difference between watching a major league baseball game and playing in a company softball league. Playing company softball is definately more fun, but it's still awesome to watch the pros play.

Answer 5

Without absolute truth, your marriage is a sham. Do you want to make this work or are you looking for reasons to leave him? It its the latter, then you should probably leave and make it easier on the both of you. If its the former, try to talk to him- don't give him a choice. Let him know you are sick and tired of the lies and deciet and if it doesn't stop, you wont be around. Seek counceling. Does he have a porn addiction? These hidden files could be indictative of a deeper issue he has..or he is just a freak. Eithier way, if you are not happy with the situation, then you have to do something.

Answer 6

I can't tell anyone if or when to leave their mate. But I notice you didn't ask "if" but only "when". If you've been married twelve years and he's been lying all this time, of course you're worrying about what else he might be lying about. Only you can decide when enough is too much but what could the two of you possibly talk about? Or why would you even want to talk to someone you know will lie to you. This would be a deal-breaker for me.

Answer 7

You are totally confused, do you really want a divorce? Don't ask others if you should leave him, think right through if this is going to make you happy.

I am a woman, some people just enjoy going to a porn site. I think you should allow him some breathing space. Communicate with him and give yourself some time because deep inside you, you have more frustrations than this.

Answer 8

Obviously the people who are responding are missing the point. It's the LYING that this woman is having a hard time with!

I suggest that you two go to marriage counseling. Maybe then the reason for his lying will be revealed.

Answer 9

My father in law has a lying problem too, he is in counseling now. As a result he is figuring out that the reason why he lied so much was the fear of what my mother in law would do or say, for her it was unintentional, she is just a confrontational person. I am not saying this is why your husband is doing this, but I would watch how you react. Be honest with him, tell him how you feel, and tell him you know better. I suggest counseling for you both. Praise him when he is honest with you, and he will see how much you value his honesty.

Answer 10

Maybe you have deeper issues with your husband than just this porn. Maybe you have a trust issue- you don't trust him.

You both need to talk about this underlying problem. Marriage should not end because of a fixable issue. Twelve years makes for a huge gap in the faith and trust department, so maybe you need to take the lead and work with him to fix that.

Answer 11

Will leaving him solve the problem? No because u will then be depressed because u left him. Work it, go see a therapist or something. Although the lying is something totally different, ask urself have u told him the truth out of the whole twelve years of marriage?