What is fair to expect of introverted new people at social gatherings?

Question

Many times, I would go to a gathering of some kind for the first time. I would see people having conversations with others at the gathering, but no one is interacting with me. I've told that I need to interject myself into others conversation in order to meet them and get to know them.

The thing is, I'm a natural introvert, and from my point of view, this would feel like an awkward interruption into others' conversations. I try to not be an egoist, but I feel that new people should be approached by someone, such as a host, and be invited into conversation instead of feeling like I have to bully into them. Is this a fair assumption to make?

I tend to feel that if I'm not invited into others' conversations that they don't have any interest in me. I know that's a paranoia at work, but doesn't the expectation that new people being in the assertive role simply an acknowledgement of a heavily-favoured extroverted society? Thanks in advance for any insights and opinions on this subject.

KnowhereMan: I appeciate the compliments on my question. However, I actually live in the United States, but prefer British/Canadian spellings and often their terminology. Just part of my semi-mad personality, I guess. :-)

Answer 1

I feel the same way, actually, but then I am also an introvert. And I was brought up to be polite and not interrupt people when they are having a conversation. So for the most part, I kind of just say "hi" in general, smile a little and go sit in a corner somewhere until someone is curious enough to come talk to me.

And yes, I agree that a host should make introductions when they know a certain guest is not familiar with most of the others. That would be good manners on their part.

Answer 2

Well, at least you're only semi-mad... LOL
But, I understand what you're saying... Your delivery of the additional background surrounding your inquiry speaks of your being somewhat older - or, at least, more mature - and definitely more refined than the usual participant in this Yahoo Answers forum... Also, it would appear you're British with the "u" found in "favoured."

Be that as it may, the interjecting of oneself into a conversation as being of a "bullying" nature would probably be perceived as such by tone and content. That is, a statement wherein the tone is brusque, overly-assertive, maybe even condescending rather than somewhat smooth, animated, and open-ended - leaving room for others' opinions... You'll find the awkward soon goes away...
As for others being disinterested in you, they may be having the same misgivings about you...! You may even seem aloof to them because you tend to not interact...
In any event, relax... They're probably as eager to interact with you as you are with them - it's just that some common ground is needed: Hence, the conversation...

Never be afraid to change the subject to lighten things up...!

Answer 3

I guess in that circumstance, extraverts are being more selfish and not caring. And it is possible that some extravert may say "Come in and join us..." but never think that their small talks never interested us.

And sometime we may feel like this "It is not that I don't want to join, it just the things you are talking are not closely related to you or me. It is not that I am being rude for being quiet or unresponsive, it just that you all talking and shifting topics too fast that I have no time to construct the words I want to say."

Your believe is right on social interaction, and very ture that it is rather awkward or impolite to interupt someones when they are in the middle of conversation or discussion. So that is one of the reason that we cannot join in.

I guess you and I can see there need be a balance in social occasions. Newcomer need to be apporach, it is clear enough that most people knew this unwritten social rule but hardly anyone can do it.

Answer 4

I understand how you feel completely I have the same problem. What I do is I move so I am in the group and I listen to what is being said and you never know something might just come up that you actually can comment on and be involved and slowly get to know the people you are with. I am sure that if there is a first time to these gatherings that have other gathers maybe you just need to go til you feel comfotable to join in.
try going with a friend next time it might help you to be with someone you know and maybe they can help you break the ice with the other people

Answer 5

It sounds like you are not only introverted but also very shy and these are two very different things.

Overcoming shyness is a matter of accepting that you get nervous in groups of people and then facing your fear. Each time you face your fear it becomes less and less difficult for you to interject yourself and mingle successfully. If you keep yourself outside of groups of people at gatherings then they will be less likely to approach you and get to know you because it can easily be perceived that you are just not interested in them. Keep in mind that if your host thought you had nothing to offer the group then you probably wouldn't have been invited in the first place. It is the host's responsibility to make introductions but the rest up to you.

Being introverted doesn't mean you can't or don't know how to carry yourself in a group of people it just means that you feel more in tune with solitude or one to one situations with people. It also means that while you can interact with people in a group you just prefer not to be the center of attention. Being the center of attention is simply not what you thrive on.

Answer 6

Well, they should expect nothing from me, because that's what they'll get. But, let's say you have something. Let's say that new people are expected to be assertive, something I don't know if I buy into at the moment. Will you be able to change this? No. It is best to try and change yourself.

Answer 7

u should make ur own group of introvert ppl.
most of ppl succesful r extrovert.But u r not single
there r many introvert just make ur group.