Well im separated and just found out husband want to get back together for the kids sake so I really don't know what to say. Were separated because he was unfaithful.
2006-09-07 13:15:53 · 14 answers · asked by Hawaiianlady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's not much here for me to go on, but it's hard to determine his true motivations and whether he's simply playing the "kids" card to get you back without dealing with his infidelity.
There's a good chance he's just doing this for himself, even if he actually is concerned for the kids on some level. (Perhaps he should have thought about the kids when he was sleeping around outside your marriage.)
I would listen to him more closely for any sign of grief or repentance over how he violated your marriage, before I would consider going back. And even then, counseling would need to be undertaken, and clear boundaries drawn about what is expected and how future indiscretions will be handled.
Meanwhile, make sure that the kids have a stable home (I am assuming they are with you), and that they are not forced to choose sides and are still permitted to love both their parents. That would be the best thing for them right now -- whether or not you ever get back together.
2006-09-07 13:42:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not. My husband was emotionally abusive and neglectful for years. I finally left him, to save my mental health, despite the kids' still being ages 8, 11, 14, 17, and 18. I was open to counseling and reconciling -- turned out, he was not.
He made no effort to reconcile. We're now divorced (four years after separating), and I never for one day have regretted leaving him. Sure, if it could have become a healthy marriage, it would have been nice to remain an intact family, but we're now "still" a family of sorts, and a healthier one, "just" living in two houses in the same neighborhood.
2006-09-07 13:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to get back just for the kids sake i wouldn't. You have to have passion and love in a marriage. The kids will understand if mommy and daddy are divorced. If you continue to have a great friendship between the two of you they will grow up knowing what real love is, not fake love. Make yourselves and your children happy. Have a happy family enviroment ..it could be done without being married.
2006-09-07 13:50:32 · answer #3 · answered by bodyshopconsultant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not until the root of the separation has been resolved.
I have been begged for the past 4 years to take my ex back after she abandoned me with our three plus one she had from a previous relationship. We were married for 18 years and now, it seems so much better to not have taken her back. The kids are healthier and well adjusted(took counseling and 4 years of grief) but only due to great friends and family who supported us through it all.
2006-09-07 13:26:48 · answer #4 · answered by patbendrv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And what makes you think he will be faithful the next time around? Do you LOVE him and WANT to be with him? Can you forgive him? If yes, then at least consider the idea but ONLY with counseling. See how that works out.
But if you are done with him, why waste your life with someone you no longer love? Kids read thru that and they will be raised by two unhappy parents and that's not a good thing.
2006-09-07 13:43:32 · answer #5 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do no go back because of the kids because if you not happy with the relationship they're also going to suffer the consequences,you don't have to be with there father to raise them,go back if you're willing to give yr husband a second chance,worked on the trust issues and most importantly if you still love him
2006-09-07 13:28:50 · answer #6 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the kids sake they should grow up around two parents who love and respect one another that way they repeat in there adult lives the same love and respect to their spouses.
2006-09-07 14:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by 30+ oh yeah! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know if it were me, I would not go back for the kids sake, because kids are pretty smart when it comes to these things and they will be able to tell that you are unhappy and not trusting him.Also, if you would go back to him, it would be teaching the kids that it is o.k. for him to have done this because you took him back. once a cheater always a cheater.
2006-09-07 13:52:23 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Y 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did that with my kids father.... MISTAKE!! Please dont...My ex was un-faithful,too. Thats why I divorced him. I took him back when he said " For the kids"....still didnt work..I found out 5yrs later ...he abused my daughter during the marriage. I hope it doesnt turn out that way for you. It is a hard pill to swallow...and I cant BELIEVE I just told this to a bunch of strangers!! But it is a subject close to my heart. And I wish you all the best. Please feel free to contact me via this site through e-mail! Good Luck,hun! and GOD BLESS!
2006-09-07 13:37:05 · answer #9 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he wants you back it's hard to back when he did that to you but it is good for the kids i kinda think you want to go back to him or you would not asking it's a hard thing to do is he sorry will he do it again you must find out most of the thy will do it again go back and you go do it if you think that will feel good about it this is hard to tell what to do i would do it cuz the kids belong with the mother and the father hope it works for you good luck to both of you
2006-09-08 01:47:11 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋