How good are you at forgiving?

Question

i'm rubbish at it. any tips please??

i'm 35, i try so hard to let go if someone causes me grief!!

my cousin's best friend had an affair with her boyfriend behind her back! My cousin forgave her and they are still friends...i was amazed! i was totally dumbstruck at her ability to forgive and forget! i can forgive, i often do but, forgetting (it doesnt help that i have an excellent memory!)

Answer 1

I've never seen the point of keeping a grudge. If you are always mad at someone then you will never be able to solve the problem. When I need to apologize I just say it. I'm pretty blunt. I'll say why I did it and that it has been bothering me. Remaining angry will only waste your time. You'll keep thinking about it and it takes up a lot of energy to remain upset. It is easier to forgive and forget. There are some things that are difficult to forgive, and you should decide what those things are at your own discretion. But for the little things, just let them go.

Answer 2

I'm 20 years older than you and still not very good at forgiving. Obviously i have mellowed a bit now but i still find it hard to forgive some people for what they have done to me. It's a bit too personal to go there in depth, let just say that i do forgive some (Not all of them) If i never forget. Then again i'm a scorpio so a lot of people think it's due to my birth sign. It probably influences me in some ways but i do know that i personally find forgiving a minefield.

As for tips ... All i can tell you is that i prefer to walk away, never clap eyes on someoene ever again because i cannot bring myself to say "It's OK" When it's not! I'm not good enough at hypocrisy. So all i do is say "OK good bye, good luck" And try hard to mean it. Those i say this too ... Are out of my life for good. It may sound a little stupid but i'd rather be honest with myself and others.

Answer 3

i am a pushover with small things, like sarcastic remarks because someone else is having a bad day or has a personality disorder. come on ,it can never be my fault.

the worst thing which happened to me(as a child),still haunts me from time to time, but i have worked through it pretty well. i am not sure that it is forgiveable,but i don't allow it to make a burden on my heart. the person is deceased now for a while, so i don't have a chance to speak it through ,now that i am an adult.

my tip would be to trust people ,until they prove otherwise. then think why they have transgressed you.sometimes understanding others emotions or anger issues can help. it doesn't mean that you accept their behaviour ,or will let them continuosly get away with it, but you will see that sometimes what they do is about them and not to take it personally. very hard i suppose.

also be choosy about what you allow to have a hold on you. e.g if an ex treated you bad ,and you split up, do not let that harm new potential relationships,as that person would have won a little victory over you. learn from others bad behaviour, don't sweat the small stuff and move on.

Answer 4

I'm pretty good at forgiving. I believe people can be sincere about making wrongs right. I just can't hold a grudge b/c i'm capable of making mistakes too & would want to be forgiven. Nobody's perfect & if someone is able to hurt you, they must mean something to you therefore are worthy of your forgiveness. Or you wouldn't care in the 1st place. Don't let them walk all over you b/c your a forgiving person though. Stop it when you see they don't return the same respect of your feelings.
TIPS:Just listen to your heart

Answer 5

Forgiving is not easy for anyone.
It takes a seemingly insurmountable amount of courage to be able to finally do it.

Keep in mind that it need not be instaneous. Like most other things in life it takes a long time, maybe even years.
Secondly forgiveness doesn't mean "It's alright, it's ok" it means: "what u did is not okay, but I will not seek retribution against you."

Above all, being able to eventually forgive gives you an inner peace.

Much love and respect, you're on the right track!

Answer 6

I am the same....it is not easy trying to change, but at least you recognise and are aware of your behaviour.

There are a lot of good books out there. My old friend says I'm 'like a dog with an old bone' meaning I won't let go and forgive.

I recently read that at nightime before bed you could drop your day into the sea it's the past......leave it there.

Answer 7

It depends on why and who I have to forgive, the father of my children was very oppressive and didn't like me to have any friends except this one friend who he went off with eventually, leaving me with three young children. Did I forgive them eventually after I got even, I got my ex to sign a confession so that he couldn't take me to the cleaners in the divorce, photo-copied it and sent it to his and her family and friends, posted one up in his local post office and distributed the rest to his friends outside his local. After this I sold my story to a trashy magazine which I knew she read. Lets put it like this neither of them have crossed me since, they don't speak to me so there is no need to forgive them either .
Having said that though if it happened now I wouldn't be so vindictive this time, life is too short and if my ex didn't want to go no matter how much enticing she did he wouldn't have gone would he?

Answer 8

It does take me a while to forgive. But in the long run I consider if what ever this person has done to upset me, is it worth losing a friend over. If the answer is no, then I forgive them. But I never forget. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Answer 9

It has nothing to do with memory. Do you see relationships as a battle for control, one that you have to win? You seem to be able to get angry on somebody elses behalf, even when it doesn't directly affect you. You may be a control freak who demands total obediance. Control freaks aren't very forgiving. Are you insecure in relationships, what about your school life, your parents?

Answer 10

I dont know why, but I can't be angry with somebody for more than a few hours.One moment I think I could kill the person, but in 30 mins she is my best friend. Suppose it's psychology.Just try to think of good things the other person did