Is it fair to do ALL the housework?

Question

I'm totally fed up! I'm a stay at home mom and I do ALL the housework. When I ask my husband for help, he'll say he'll do it, but then sits there like a lump (passive/aggressive). It NEVER gets done. We have a large home - 6,000 sq ft so I feel justified to ask for help even though he's working outside of the home. I just want your opinion on what you think is fair. We're locking horns on this and it's causing a lot of frustration.

Answer 1

Get a maid, no, it is not fair. tell him to take out the trash and mow the yard!

Answer 2

I am a mature man and I am not a liberal, and my answers are not always politically correct. However, I'm one of the most fair-minded people you'll find.

I believe that if he said he's going to help, he should either do it or not say it.

Generally, I don't like the idea of men sharing with "equal resposnsiblities." If it were an average size house I would say that it should be your responsibility under the circumstances. If you say it's too much, then I won't be hasty in judging you.

HOWEVER, I grew up in a house that was about 6000 sq. ft. and one person was able to do it effectively. IN VIEW OF THIS, I would have to consider the possibility that you want to manipulate him into feeling guilty, and doing what you should be doing.

Look, can't you do one section on Monday, another on Tuesday and so on 5 days per week? I'm not convinced that if you keep things under reasonable control, it can't be done.

Now, I'm not even going to read the rest of the replies because I know there are a lot of liberals on this board who are very supportive of everyone and don't have any understanding of relationships or life in general.

Answer 3

I'm a stay at home mommy as well, and though I do the majority of the housework, I still have my husband help me on the weekends or if company is coming over. Instead of asking your husband to do it, talk to him about it a bit in advance when he is not busy and ask him to help you while you're cleaning. I.E..."I'll sweep if you vaccum." This way he won't be cleaning by himself and will see you making an effort alongside with him. And let him know when you want to start, say, "I'm going to start on the kitchen now, do you want me to get out the broom for you?" or whatever it is. One of the hardest parts too is not getting frustrated with him, it might take a couple of tries and some coaxing, but if he sees or feels you getting upset he definitely won't help. Patience and a good nature and temperment is key. Good luck! Hope this helps!

Answer 4

I think it's okay to ask him to help u with some small chores, like taking the trash out or even for him to pick up his own clothes off the floor and help with the laundry. But in my opinion, it's unrealistic for u to expect him to do much more, as he does work full time while u are a stay at home person.

Ask him to do what he can do but don't pressure him into doing anymore than he can handle and if u have that big of a house, see about getting some hired help to help u around the house.

Answer 5

I believe he should take care of small messes around the house HOWEVER I do believe since he's out working to bring in the bacon and since you're a stay-at-home mom, that the housework is considered to be your work.
Think about it, he works a shift to get paid to support you and your family. You don't have to wakeup at a set time every morning, go some place you might hate, and work steady hard shifts.
I'm a woman but I pretty much agree with hubby on this one. Your job is the house, his job is the career he obtains.

Answer 6

it seems you need to get some of those
nice looking baskets with lids
the wicker ones
and place all his stuff in them
also when he eats get paper plates
so you can toss his trash right on out
also you might want to have a room just for him
and just shut the door with the understanding
Look baby this is yours the rest of the house is mine because
I keep it clean
and since I am crazy about you ,
I have decided that you need your own space
so I hope you like it because it is yours

Actually go visit him at times and say hi baby it's me your girlfriend
can I come in for awhile

I mean if your husband has excellent qualities about himself
and you do get a long well with him
then let him pretend he is a country boy
in his own space.

But keep those paper plates
going and make sure his space
has the possibility of a microwave and small frig
I only say this so your kitchen is not a diaster
make sure it is stocked with wha the likes
like hot pockets etc
I hope you survive all this honey I truly do
And if you want to make it exciting buy dome different wigs
and be different woman from time to time lol

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom too and although I don't have as large a home as you do I still feel that not just one person should be responsible for the cleaning. It took more than one person to mess things up, dirty their clothes, etc. Just remind him that you are his wife, not his maid, not his mother, his wife!! It is only fair that he picks up after himself and not expect you to do it cuz you don't work outside the home. In comparison, wives generally play more of a working role than their husbands. Because our day does not end until we are in bed, and then sometimes it don't end there either. Plus, if you have kids, makes it all more the reason to get the help you need. I sympathize, if you unlock the combination on this one, let me know!! As far as it goes for me, it seems to go in one ear and out the other with my family at times. Good luck to you!!!

Answer 8

Dear.Please do not complain. Complain if you did not have a house. Complain if you had no food. Complain if your husband died. There are a million things to complain about. Think about this, real love is SELFLESS...clean out of love. Clean out of thankfulness that you can be at home...and treat it like a job...USE this time to not get bored with it...network...get involved in the community...think of ways to be supportive to your SPOUSE...and even though this sounds all OLD FASHIONED...I am a military woman...who worked, did not get to be a stay at home wife/mother...and had to balance all of these roles. I am no hero...it just has to get done...I would LOVE half of your 6000 Sq feet. So instead of the negatives....LOOK at the positives. You are not homeless. Was this the home you two picked out together??? Make it romantic...and make it fun...I am telling you...turn the negative feelings around...and remember he does have a job too...you my dear have a job too...save your marriage...and put the SPICE back into your love of your life...

Answer 9

Mik, Well at first I thought, it was fair for you do to the housework since your a stay at home mom. Then It changed when I read how big your home is, so YES he should help out. I know I live in an apt. and I do everything including errands. so I know how ruff it is. and my child is grown. and out of the home. I wish you all the luck in getting your husband to help even with the children as well. That is a job in it's self. best wishes to you.

Answer 10

I wouldn't know what to do with the blockhead. I'd quit doing anything once MY eight hours were up. If he didn't like it, too bad. And if I truly didn't need that much space, I'd be cattle prodding him into selling the place and buying a smaller one. It is not fair that he doesn't help you around the house. Somebody said that being a housewife is the equivalent of two jobs. Having done it, I KNOW it is. Good luck.

Answer 11

I know how you feel I'm going threw the same thing in my home he works and works out side only once in a great blue moon hell help me and I'm shocked when he dose men are men thy set all day and do nothing why the wife is suffering over the hot stove and clean there pigsty mess its been like that for many of generations i don't think it will ever change lol