Sixteen years ago, when I was 16, I had a kind of "affair" with my then step-dad. The feelings were mutal and as far as I know, genuine.I know people look down on this, but my mother was a drunk....my step-dad and I ran the house hold while she was in her room with a bottle.She eventually found out and sent me to live with my grandparents. I have not spoken with him in 16 years. I feel the need to find him and talk to him. I have some questions I'd like to ask him. My husband and a close friend of mine are opposed to this, mostly because I am bipolar and they think it may be too emotional for me to handle. Any advice/opinions?
2006-09-07 12:15:16 · 8 answers · asked by andieangel2003 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Listen to the advice of the people who love you and want whats best for you.
2006-09-07 12:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have learned in life that it is difficult to put closure to the past when you feel there is still a lot of unanswered questions. I think you have experienced a lot of guilt over the years and discussing the situation with him may help you process that time of your life.
However, I see you as the innocent party here, not the culprit. You were a young girl who obviously was living in a very toxic environment. Your parents had a responsiblity to protect you. Yet is seems to me, that you were the one punished.
Life is fraught with obstacles and tests that sometimes knock us off our feet. When we lose our balance and fall flat on our faces, it is important to stand up again, dust ourselves off, rather than sink into doubt and depression. If talking with him helps you to recover and get back on your feet, then that is what you need to do. No one can make that decision for you, and you certainly do not need anyone's permission. You are not the vulnerable 16 year old girl anymore who I see as a victim. Now you are the adult who is in control.
2006-09-08 02:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you need to have some answers to your questions with your step father, by all means, find him and ask him. But make sure that you bring someone with you - don't go by yourself. And make it brief.
It was wrong what you did, but the thing is that you realized that you were young and did not know what you were doing. Get your answers from your step father and move on. So not live in the past. You have an obligation to your husband now...
2006-09-07 19:25:19 · answer #3 · answered by ♪ Brunette Latina ♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that would be too much. That was not a healthy. Your step-father was wrong in his actions. He was the adult in the situation. He was more experienced than you were. I think that messed you up mentally. It would be better to talk to your therapist about that and see what he or she would say. Also, pray about it. GOD will tell you what to do. Mentally, that is a hard pill to swallow. Best wishes.
2006-09-07 19:24:07 · answer #4 · answered by Wednesday 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What good would it do to you to see him? Is the good worth the risk? Would it outweigh possible problems that may result from seeing the guy? Can you not stay happy without seeing him?
These are essential questions that need to be addressed in making your decision.
2006-09-07 19:26:41 · answer #5 · answered by Romeo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like you need to address some issues and find closure. just be careful how you do this. maybe think about sending a letter rather than meeting him face to face. or if you feel like you really need to see him, consider taking your husband with you. i am assuming that he knows about your history and what you would like to ask your stepdad.
2006-09-07 20:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds like somehting you need to ask your therapist about, seeing him might be good or bad, might not go good with your husband either
2006-09-07 19:33:59 · answer #7 · answered by penguin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are an adult and if your husband does not said anything go for it and find him
2006-09-07 19:22:58 · answer #8 · answered by juanita2_2000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋