we were having a fight and my husband called me "useless" when i called him a coward.the reason i called him a coward is with 4 years of marraige he never not even once stood up for me before his parents and his brothers.
2006-09-07 12:03:27 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Regardless of whether he is a coward or not, and he probably is because he needs to support you. But name calling doesnt solve anything....One name deserves another...you called him a coward, he called you useless....both are names, so which one is the worst? When people argue, no-one listens, both are trying to get a point across forcefully.
If you are to resolve anything, you have to let him speak and he has to let you speak. Not only do you have to listen to each other, you have to believe what comes out of the other person's mouth. A persons feelings is a persons feelings whether you agree with them or not. It is his truth, the same as you have your truth. Its all about compromise and respect. You need to understand why your husband is the way he is, and why he doesnt stand up for you. Maybe the things you are thinking are wrong. You also need to ask him why he thinks you are useless. Words need to be backed up with logic. His logic may not be yours, and vice versa.
Sit down and talk sensibly about your issues, not resort to arguements and name calling...it solves nothing.
2006-09-07 12:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its fair that he calls you useless, theres a way to tell someone you want them to do something but he doesn't have to be so rude. You do all the house work that any other woman would be doing in the average american house hold. He needs to understand that you do alot around the house so that things for him run smoothly,and if you decide not to clean up the house until the next day then he should be content with that otherwise he has 2 hands and 2 legs that are working just fine. And i understand the whole bipolar disorder,my cousin has it also. But when he's on his meds he's fine and he doesn't flip out on anyone. it sounds to me like your husband is trying to give constructive criticism but he doesn't know how to go about doing that. Sit down and talk with him,tell him that it hurts your feelings when he puts you down like that and also he could help around the house too, because you do alot and you get just as tired as he does when he gets home from work. keep your house together and marriage together goes both ways,he has to meet you half way in order for things to work out. hope I helped
2016-03-27 02:01:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because a man wants to be respected. Chances are his family doesn't respect him either, and certainly not by you, but with obvious reasons. I don't respect a coward either, but all in all, I'd rather have someone who doesn't cause huge family tidal waves than a wife beater. Honestly, is it so bad you'd like to go back to the dating scene? You'd be chancing finding that wonderfully protective, yet physically abusive husband?
Let's try to focus on the good parts. During those "good moments" tell him how much it hurts you to be vunerable to the opinons of other people.
2006-09-07 12:11:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband needs to break ties with his parents, as YOU are to be number one in his life now, but he probably won't. He IS a coward, but you MUST try to get along with his parents. You must!!!!! And if you KNOW you aren't useless, then don't worry about it. He probably knows he is a coward, though. Still, the name calling needs to STOP. You both are doing some damage to this marriage that may not get repaired.
2006-09-07 12:26:00 · answer #4 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not feel a reason to be with him if he's not going to act like a husband. One of their jobs is to protect you and make you feel secure, not to call you useless. However if the shoe fits then maybe you should correct some things in yourself.
2006-09-07 12:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why were his family members attacking you in a way that you thought he needed to defend you for? Are you useless? My sister in law never got a job, doesn't clean house, doesn't take care of the kids and has stopped having sex with or even making my brother feel loved. He cooks, he cleans, he works close to 60 hours a week and he is the one who does everything for my niece and nephew...including PTA and, sports and Cheer-leading.
...My sister in law only takes time to whore bath and go to have her nails done, go out to eat with her friends, and go shopping to buy yet more junk they can't afford and don't need that she's not going to take care of or clean up...Are you useless like that? If not- show him how useful you are and make sure his family knows your side of it all!!!
2006-09-07 12:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word "useless" came because he's between a rock & hard place. He loves his family, and you as well, but is unable to stand up to them (maybe some disfunction here). I think he meant that talking to you about this issue is useless because he's never going to stand up to them. He hasn't in 4 years and he never will. Deal with it or move on.
2006-09-07 12:18:10 · answer #7 · answered by Tonya L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Name calling in a marriage is very hurtful for both. When you speak of his parents your on rocky ground, never, ever, put or try to come before them. It will never work. You should always be supportive of his family. What you both need to do is apologize to each other and don't repeat mistakes, learn from them. Him calling you useless, is his way of defending himself and his family.
2006-09-07 12:24:12 · answer #8 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of husband is he if he don't stand up for you he's suppose to put you before anyone since he called you useless be useless don't do anything and he'll see what useless is
2006-09-07 12:06:27 · answer #9 · answered by tpchick22 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is funny because just few weeks ago my husband called me useless and inept, when even his dad admit he would be nothing without me. If we have a house now is because I'm the one with goals and the one pushing him to do things. I don't know your case but in mine I think he called me like that just to humiliate me and make me believe that I need him. I really love him but like a tell him, before respecting anybody I have to start by respecting myself and if he ever call me like that again then we won't have a reason to stay together. (we don't have kids) Just remember something, you deserve respect just like anybody else. GOD bless you
2006-09-07 12:56:28 · answer #10 · answered by favicalum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋