My husband secretly attended a wine tasting bar alone with a single female co-worker I've never met. They don't feel they did anything wrong - they are "just friends". After discovering this, he admitted that during the last 6 mos. they have done platonic things together (alone & with other co-workers) that were kept secret from me. I thought he was working at the time. He admitted to sharing details of our troubled marriage to her on more than one occasion beginning about 6 mos.ago. She even took him out to lunch to talk about it. I confronted her about going out on a Friday night alone with MY husband & she denied it at first but then admitted to it & acted like they had done nothing wrong. She's well aware of our marital situation and yet thinks there's nothing wrong with this. I believe he's been having an emotional affair with her. I know she may not be aware he's keeping all this a secret,but isn't she to be held accountable for he actions if she is aware of our situation?
2006-09-07 11:26:20 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it's not OK. It's cheating. I'm not saying that they are doing the horizontal bop. But, keeping recreational outings with members of the opposite sex a secret from your spouse is wrong. If it was OK, there would be no need to keep it secret. If you wouldn't say it or do it with your spouse standing right there, it's cheating.
2006-09-07 11:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am very, very sorry that you are going through this now. It sounds like a whole lot of things are going on here. 1. If you don't trust him then you do not need to be with him. (Married or not). 2. If you had a gut feeling that something was wrong then you should stick to that feeling. 3. Found a support group (friends and family) to discuss your feelings, if not get a counselor right away. 4. Your husband needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He should tell the truth. If he has lied in the past about these two people, he will lie again. His activities sounds very, very suspicion and you are entitled to your feelings. So, if he cannot cut them off completely then something is wrong. You are his wife and he should respect that as well as the other two. If he cannot understand that then you should make a decision. Is this man worth your peace a mind or health? Your children should not have to go through this either. So, you have to make some serious decision. Remember to take care of you because nobody else will. Good Luck and Best Wishes!
2016-03-17 10:19:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how it can start here it is a husband complaining to a female co worker or single female friend about his troubled marriage and next thing you know she assumes the wife is a real B itch because after all thats what the husband has her believing next thing you know they are between the sheets and whoops they are now involved with no answers as to how and why for the wife who finally figures it out be careful Ive seen this happen before except we werent married and guess what they werent JUST FRIENDS.
2006-09-07 11:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A married person going somewhere alone with a person of the opposite sex for casual purposes is wrong....plain and simple. Doesn't matter what the intentions are......it always leads to trouble. Things start off "innocent" enough. But let me tell you, if he's crying on her shoulder, it's going downhill from here very quickly. Do not stand for this at all. Yes, she is wrong as well. Married men are off limits. Period. In this day and age, when infidelity is rampant and almost casually accepted, we have to keep ourselves to stricter rules in order to avoid trouble. People don't' take these things seriously enough because most of the time, they don't' realize how quickly things can escalate and become something that was never really intended.
2006-09-07 11:39:24 · answer #4 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO this situation is NOT ok. But it is your HUSBAND'S problem. If he wants your marriage to work he should not be doing things to make it worse.
By the way if she was not honest with you and you had to push they have already been messing around.
2006-09-07 11:29:09 · answer #5 · answered by BadAdvice 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, They have a plan? You're not involved.
If you want to save ur SANITY than go w/ ur gut feeling and do something about what you care about( you and your husband together)
Wise up girl?
2006-09-07 11:33:21 · answer #6 · answered by J.M. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she's a b*tch and your husband is not faithful. They are in fact starting an affair. No doubt about it.
You have 2 choices, .........leave/divorce him or try your best to stop them. Don't be surprised they won't stop. When that happens are you prepared to fight him and her? If you lose are you prepared to stay and admit defeat and watch them carry on without any regards for you at all?
Take time to think about this.
2006-09-08 05:25:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has nothing to hide, then why is he "secretly" doing these things? How would he feel if you went out with a "platonic" male friend? It's only OK if you genuinely trust your husband. I think it's a prerequisite or the beginning of an affair. How does he think it looks to your mutual friends to be seen out with another woman? Trust your instincts.
2006-09-07 12:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is nothing to hide, why all the secrets?! Maybe he should be sharing the details of your troubled marriage with a therapist rather than a single women who disregards your feelings.
2006-09-07 11:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what the action is, when a partner has to do things in private/secret then the relationship is not in balance. If one sneaks how long before one cheats. They are looking for something that they seem to not get in their current situation. A healthy relationship has no secrets; everything, every action, every external conversation/meeting of others needs to be out in the open. Sound the alarm bells. Not good!!
2006-09-07 11:34:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋