im shocked and hurt how would you feel and what would you do ?

Question

I have gained about 30 pounds through out a 11 year relationship we share a daughter ..married 5 years last month .
My husband has told me he would pay me to lose weight men and women whats ur insight on that ..should i lose the weight or lose the husband ?? I was speechless and very hurt and not sure how to feel i mean after all he has gained like 50 pounds thru our realtionship and man boobs to boot and i dont complain becuz i love him ..ok for all u married men out there how do u feel about ur wives gaining weight does it matter or do u want a model on your arm ? just curious and ill go ahead and say it now im prepared for your rude remarks lol so its all good with me . im not an ugly girl just a lil thicker then i used to be LOL anyways whats yah alls insight ?

Answer 1

My opinion and no insult intended. Talk to him--maybe lose together. If he says "no"--try to lose some for yourself--I know it is hard--I am there now-losing. Then when you have lost your weight--come down very hard on "fat guy" with insults.

Answer 2

I am sorry you got hurt. As a woman, I completely understand how hurtful it is to hear something like that from a man you love.
However, if it is at all possible, try to look beyond the hurtful feelings, and take the objective approach to the matter. The very good news is that you have to lose 30 pounds only. This can easily (!) be done in 16 weeks, the most! He wants to pay for that? Even better!! If there are only 30 pounds we are talking about, the programs in a fitness center will make you look better than Tyra Banks in no time! Forget about your husband's remarks, sometimes people say something they don't really mean. It just we, women, tend to over-react when it comes to weight. I am more than sure, your husband is getting little bit insecure about his own appearance, and his remarks towards you are just his way in dealing with his own insecurities.
I tell you what, make a deal with your husband. Tell him, you will be more than happy to lose all the weight he wants ONLY if he is going to lose it with you. This way it will be more fun to be in a fitness center together, so you can motivate each other, see the results together, and become more close than ever, because nothing brings a couple closer than a task accomplished together! And then, when both of you will get in shape, you can take a vacation together as a reward, enjoy each other, and show off your new sexy bodies! How that sounds?

Answer 3

One of your questions was, "Should I lose the weight or lose the husband?"

First, be sure you aren't overreacting. If your husband only offered to pay you to lose weight, don't start worrying now about losing the marriage.

Second, your husband's offer was insulting on a couple of levels. There are more gentle ways to suggest that someone may benefit from losing a few pounds. Plus, if you're married, how can he *pay* you? All the money both of you make is at least half yours.

Finally, It seems like the two of you have gained weight together over the years. Maybe you can lose it together. Why not suggest to him that you go on diets together. Tell him that's one way he can put his money where his mouth is, so to speak.

Answer 4

I would say lose the husband then loose the weight and watch him try to crawl back, then laugh at him. You have been together a long time, if you want to dump his butt then I say go for it, but if you are unsure of what to do then I would sit him down and have a long serious talk with him. Explain to him exactly how it makes you feel when he says things like that to you, and tell him what will happen if he continues treat you like this. I would also point out to him the way his looks have changed over the years and how you no differently towards him because of these changes.

Answer 5

My question is where would the money come from that he is going to pay you? I would also ask how much - for example is it $1.00 per pound lost paid out weekly or $30.00 for a total of 30 pounds? What happens if you gain it back, do you have to pay back the money?

If the money is coming from a household fund, I say no way. If he is willing to pay then it should come from his personal spending money. I would also ask for $1.00 per pound paid out weekly with no stipulation on weight gain.

I am wondering why and how this topic came up between you and your hubby. Do you get upset about your weight or even make comments on your weight gain? If you do then his offer to pay for the loss may be his way of trying to "solve" your problem. A man's first instinct is to solve our problems, they don't always understand that when we talk about something we are doing just that (talking) and we do not want them to solve our problem just listen and sympathize. If this offer came because he is uncomfortable with your weight gain then I would say he should get in on the deal as well. What can it hurt you either lose the weight or you don't.

Answer 6

Personally, I think it was a bit cold hearted of him to offer you money. He may have meant well by saying it but obviously your weight is bothering him or the subject would have never come up.

The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to lose the weight for no one except your self. You have to get your mind ready first, and the rest will follow.

Believe me, once the pounds start melting away, you will get his attention and everyone else's. Then he will be the one with the weight problem.

He needs to be supportive of you, regardless of what you weigh. Men don't realize that women are emotional eaters and when something is wrong, they handle it with food.

Get yourself fit and healthy for yourself and your daughter. She doesn't need two overweight parents. She can be the key to your success. Walk with her as she rides her bike. Go to the park with her. Any little thing you do will burn calories.

Best of luck to you. You can do it. : )

Answer 7

He is very insensitive to your feelings and you should tell him that your feelings are hurt. You should only loose weight if you are in not in good health due to your weight gain or you want to for yourself. If you are happy the way you are then he should get over it. But if you are considering changing your eating habits and exercising more regularly tell him that the two of you should do it together , only buy healthy foods in the house and take the battery's out of the remote lol, that will teach him to insult you. Good Luck :)

Answer 8

Congrats, you only gained 30 lbs. in 11 years. I've been know to gain that much in a year. He wants to pay you to loose weight. Loose the weight take the money and then divorce him. Or just tell him that when he's ready to get back to pre-marital weight, then you'll gladly loose yours.

Answer 9

Losing weight only works if YOU want to lose it. If you are comfy with yourself don't sweat it. If you are ready to lose, suggest you go on a diet together and see what happens. I think everyones body changes over time, we have kids, gain and lose weight, we get gray hair, love handles, man boobs, double chins. Come on we all can't be perfect.

Answer 10

I would feel hurt at first but the good thing about this is that he wants you to look good for him. And i think you should do that so he could always keep his eyes on you! And he might miss the old you when he fist met you, and wants you to look and be healthy at the same time. So honestly i think you should. And if you don't like his weight tell him to do it with you.