Tomorrow,as homework, I have to tell a joke at school...Anyone have a clean funny joke?

Question

Anyone??????????

PS I'm in 8th grade kinda old for stuff like that but my teacher is weird

Answer 1

Duck walks into a bar. Asks the bartender "You got any gwapes?"

Bartender says, "No, I don't have any grapes..."

Duck leaves and come back the next day...

"Barkeep, you got any gwapes?"

Bartender says, "Didn't have 'em yesterday, I don't have 'em today."

Duck comes back again the next day "Got any gwapes?"

The infuriated barkeep says "No! I don't have any grapes, and if you ask again I'll nail your feet to the floor!"

Duck returns in about a week, obviously flustered by that comment. He says, "Barkeep, you got any nails?"

Bartender says, "No, why would I have nails?"

"Got any gwapes?"

Answer 2

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home.
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Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate
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Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go into the restroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall…
  “Hi there, how’s it going?”
Okay, I am not the type strike up conversations with strangers in restrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say, so I finally I say:
“Not bad…”
Then the voice says:
  “So, what are you doing?”
I am starting to find it a bit weird, but I say:
  “Well, I’m going back to Colorado…”
Then I hear the person say all flustered:
  “Look, I’ll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”
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The cops never think its as funny as you do

Answer 3

It's not so much a joke, but rather something to think about...so I thought I would post it for you....here goes...

IF THERE HAD BEEN COMPUTERS IN 1776
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Mr. Jefferson: "Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence."

Mr. Franklin: "Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here."

Mr. Jefferson: "That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has
everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?"

Mr. Sherman: "Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems."

Mr. Adams: "Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy."

Mr. Sherman: "Thanks! Saaaaay, nice font!"

Mr. Adams: "Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week."

Mr. Jefferson: "Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our
document will soon leak out."

Mr. Livingston: "Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg
circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.uk last night."

Mr. Franklin: "Darn General Protection Fault!"

Mr. Adams: "Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me."

Mr. Sherman: "Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation -- have you considered using bullets to air out the text?"

Mr. Jefferson: "I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I've spilled candle wax on my keyboard again."

Mr. Adams: "You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an active-matrix screen."

Mr. Franklin: "Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy!"

Mr. Livingston: "Are you sure it's "unalienable rights"? My spell
checker recommends "unassailable"."

Mr. Jefferson: "Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?"

Mr. Sherman: "What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible."

Mr. Franklin: "Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes? OK, I'll hold....."

Mr. Livingston: "The "In Congress" part here at the top -- have you
thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point Helvetica?"

Mr. Jefferson: "Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save the file."

Mr. Franklin: "That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen...."

Answer 4

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.

Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say, 'Goodbye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Answer 5

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
(7,8,9)

It is the best clean joke I have

Answer 6

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Lil' Billy fell in the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
Lil' Billy took a bath with bubbles in it.
Wanna hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles was the babysitter.

Answer 7

What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?

He lays awake at night wondering if there's a Dog.

Answer 8

an old man that couldnt speak english very well left his home to go to the bakery and music store. he was old and called a bun a bum and a cassette a kissit. after purchasing his bun and cassette he was on his way home when he crashed into a person and dropped him items. he asked the person "Excuse me, will you please pick up my bum and kissit?"

Answer 9

Stand in front of the room and say:
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

She'll stop you and you wont have to say anything more

Answer 10

I had a kinda dumb joke..."why did the cactus cross the road?" "Cause it was stuck to the chicken." lol