I have been married for 7 years,2 kids. I am in love with someone else. Should I get a divorce?

Question

My husband is a good guy,but I can't help How I feel about this other person.I was questioning my marriage a long time before I meet this person I love. I just don't think its fair to be with someone when you don't love them like you should.I have changed alot of my views about marriage.I have no intention of geting married to anyone else at this time.The person I am in love with also loves me and he would be glad if I got a divorce. If I was to ever be with him he says he might want a child some day.I told him that I do not want anymore children.He says he does not know what he wants.If I did not have kids it would be over.I've heard that its not good to stay for the children if things are good.I have told my husband that I want to leave, He wants to try,and I just don't feel that I want to try. I don't think I ever loved him like I am supposed to.Maybe I got married a little to young before I knew what I wanted.email me if need more info. K.

I have known this person for over a year.I feel something that I have never felt before with anyone else,not even my husband.I never understood what the big deal was about s*x and really loving someone until now.

Idofeel that I am being selfish for wanting to leave,thats why I'm still here.Its not about him, its about the kids.I don't want mess them up.I know it will be hard because the kids are young,but like someone said here,I feel like I'm living a lie.

Answer 1

First things first. You DID make a commitment to your husband, and if you think things aren't working, you need to try to work things out.

In order to work things out, you need to stop all contact with the other man. ALL CONTACT. Then, you can go to counseling with your husband, and TRULY find out if things are unable to be fixed. You OWE that to your husband before you run off on him.

If, and only if, you decide that it won't work with your husband, seperate and divorce him.

See the other man ONLY after your divorce.

Besides, you said anyway that this other man wants children, and you don't. It won't work anyway. That's a big difference.

Work on the relationship you're in now before you start trying to figure out another one.

Answer 2

Sounds like the 7 year itch to me...After you've been with someone for a long time that lust factor simply isn't what it once was. Add into that the daily grind from all the responsibilities you now have with kids and stuff, and suddenly you simply don't feel like you are in love or were ever really in love. You start to question the whole situation and wonder if you made a mistake. Then you meet some other person and you fall for them and that lust and those initial feelings are so strong that it just adds to you thinking you made a mistake. The problem is, a lot of this is normal and not really based upon love or what is going to really make you happy in the future. It is based upon your feelings at this very moment, those intense feelings you first have when you meet someone new that you connect with. You say you have a good man, a good life, a good family...well then you have a lot more than most people. Are you really willing to throw that away and hurt your husband and kids, and probably yourself just to chase those feelings? You already know that it will probably not work out between you and this other guy. He wants a kid and he isn't going to change his mind for you. Plus guess what...in 7 years you will probably go through this again with him if you do stay together. Time affects all relationships and at some point you have to simply learn to deal with that fact and work through those hard times or you will constantly repeat this process.

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation.

After many years of marriage things can get a bit predictable and boring, and someone new showing you affection is very flattering. The feelings you get can be overwhelming, but it doesn't mean you should give up on what you have.

You say your husband is a good guy, and they are hard to find, you have a history with him, and you have your kids.

I was tempted to leave, and it would have been a terrible mistake, I can see that now, even though I still have feelings for this other person. I am now working on improving my marriage. I couldn't hurt my kids like that by leaving.

You are infatuated with the other man. He wants kids, he will resent you for depriving him of them. What makes you think things will be better if you live with him?

Think about this. Would you still want to leave your husband, if you didn't have someone else to go to?

If the answer is no, then you owe it to your family to try to resolve things. Don't throw it all away for an infatuation.

Answer 4

Right now you are not being fair to anyone in this situation...you, him, or the kids. You are really living in a lie, and should get out of this marriage. It will be hard, but you will still see your kids (or they will still live with you) and if you part on good terms it is possible to stay friends with him as well. My mom was married too young as well (was engaged at 17 then married at 19) and it ended in divorce. Unfortunately I have not seen my dad since I was 2, and have only spoken to him briefly over the phone. Make sure your children keep a relationship with their father if they choose. Just take it slow, don't rush into anything and be true to yourself above all else.

Answer 5

That's a tough question. I believe that too often we make these decisions based solely on our emotions, when something very important to consider is that love is not purely an emotion. Love is complicated... people often worry that the relationship cannot work when there is no excitement. But some believe that you can choose to make your love grow more and more all the time. A relationship will ALWAYS take effort, but you can do it. If you get divorced to be with this person you "love", you may find that you don't love him after awhile. The beginning is always the best IF it's all about feelings. If your husband wants to try, I believe that if you tried, not just to "make it work", but to fall in love all over again and put romance back into your relationship, you'd really be happy with the outcome. But effort is key. Love is not only a noun, it is also a VERB - you can do it!
don't hesitate to email me if you'd like to hear more of my thoughts on this. [e-mail]

Answer 6

First, are you positive you are in love with someone else? You loved your husband once, why? Why did you stop? Its true you shouldn't stay in a BAD marriage for the kids. If its just for the sake of the googly feeling loss, that comes and goes, I have been married 9 years, I can tell you that from experience. Honestly, that is not why you want to leave? I suggest you try counseling first. You married him for a reason, you should look at that again. And by all means, STAY AWAY FROM THE OTHER PERSON, till you have made a final decision to leave. That is trouble waiting to happen

Answer 7

Do not leave your husband for this man. You already have a potential source of conflict with him (your desires to have/not have children). This difference may seem insignificant now, but if he wants a child later and you don't it will ruin the relationship. Even if he says it's no big deal, the resentment will build up in him until it results in the end of what would be your second marriage.

I really think you need to put at least some amount of effort into your current marriage before you bail. You owe it to yourself, and to your two kids to at least take 6 months to see if you can get things working again. Do not flush 7 years of your life down the drain for this man. Again, whose to say he won't leave you in a year? He has already ruined one marriage, he probably won't have any qualms ruining another.

You don't need to feel trapped in your current marriage, but at least have the decency to sort things out in a calm and timely matter. This decision will impact your children in ways that you cannot understand.

Answer 8

I have been married 7 years too and I also have 2 kids. I went through something like this....I think it is called the 7 year itch. It took me leaving my husband to want to be with him. There was another man I was talking to, getting attention from and I liked it. Then I went to a counselor and got some help. I realized that I loved my husband more then anything. He gave me 2 awesome kids....that is just one reason I love him. I think you need to really think about this. You might regret it later in life. You married your husband so you do love him, maybe with ur everyday life the love you had got lost? You made a promise to ur husband. You should be a woman and honor it! At least get some help before you decide to just leave on relationship and start another one. That isn't healthy either. Good luck...just think about it! You are messing with more then one life here!

Answer 9

Is being with a man the only way for you to find happiness? Maybe you need to spend some time without either of them to find out what else makes you happy and who you really are. Learn to love yourself, too. From one who knows: 1 happy parent is better than 2 unhappy ones. Mum stayed with Dad longer than she should have and it screwed some of us up big time. Another point for you to consider: you don't have to have a sexual relationship to be unfaithful. Infidelity can be emotional too, and it seems you are sharing a lot with this man that you would, under normal circumstances, be sharing with your husband. Sorry to dump that on you, I'm sure you feel bad enough, but you have been a faithless wife. I am not saying that to be cruel. Good luck in what you choose to do. There is no recipe to make you love your husband, but the other guy could just turn out to be another misjudgement in reality.

Answer 10

Don't leave your marriage because you think the grass might be greener on the other side. Give it sometime. I know a lot of married people you feel the same way you do. Remember that love is shown through actions. Love isn't always a feeling you have. If you do things that show love towards your husband the feeling of love should follow. If they don't, then you'll know what you need to do. But, don't give up on your marriage because you like the thrill of chasing someone else.

Answer 11

here is an idea QUIT CHEATING ON YOUR HUSBAND!!! How people classify cheating is different i understand but you clearly had a discussion with this other dude concerning your "love" for one another and plans for the future. Thats a really shitty thing to do to your good guy husband reverse the roles compleatly. That makes you look like trash dosent it. And what ever happen to us as a society where we get married once and stay together. In my advice i say stick with the guy you have now he has done nothing to deserve this he clearly loves you and there must have been something at one point that made you love him go back and try to find what that was.