Should I stay with my husband that can't stay with a job longer than 4-6 months and blames depression?

Question

My husband has depression. He has suffered from depression for the 9 years we have been married. He isn't able to stay with a job. When his dad passed away, he went into a depression; he ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt. After that we had a good 4 years, he was with the same job for that time. Now he has started this cycle of job hopping again. I have timed them and for the past 2 years it seems that every 4-6 months he decides he can't stay at his job, because it is beneath him. The last time was in May, I told him if he ever did it again I would leave. Since then he has been a wonderful husband. We have connected again. Then it came out of the blue, he couldn’t go to work, couldn’t handle the fact he was complacent in his job. He stopped himself from running away from it all, and went to a therapist. His mom thinks it’s all about attention. My friends and family are frustrated with me and are telling me not to talk to them about it anymore. They think I should leave.

Yes he is on antidepressants; he has been since his formal diagnosis 8 years ago. Early in the depression we were separated for 6 months, that made him realize how important we were, and get that formal diagnosis and started the medication. We do have two children, and I love him despite all this he has been a wonderful father and husband.

Please, no mean spirited or vulgar answers. Our sex life isn't anybody's business, or the reason he is not keeping jobs.

His Dad's passing happend 5 years ago, they were close, but that was just one of many episodes.

I work at home, and make a fraction of what he makes, I don't support him finantially. He gets good paying jobs, but I am afraid that someday that will end.

Answer 1

hi wow well let me tell you a little about me first i suffer from depression the last 20 years and mood swings and other mential problem.i am on 4 diffent medication for it and it help me a lot i held down a job for 24 years in a very high stress field.and 2 divorces.and what got me though all of this is going to depression
group i am sure your doctor can tell you how your husband can get in volve in these group it people that has depession problem like your husband they sit down and talk out there problem they are going though or felling anxity play a big part in depression when you feel so over wheled with life problem and you feel you cant go on and you just want to give up that why your husband wanted to kill him self and he get very frustrated with the feeling he has in him and he doesnt know how to cop or deal with his feeling so when some thing happen on the job he get very frustrated then anxity kick in then depression play it part then he say the hell with this i dont have to deal with this i can just go out and find a other job your husband has a problem solveiing problem it hard for him to deal with every day problem he love you very much you are the only thing he has in his life that he can count on.so please get him in volve in depression group work with him and ask him to start writeing down when he start feeling depression comeing on and what he his doing at the time to cause this to happen this would be good to take to your doc and to group to help treat his depression

Answer 2

i would say leave him... he has been on the pity pot for far too long. he is a loser and can't " Be the man" and get a backbone. Depression is a cop-out from not doing your duties, i think. he eeds more help than u can give him! all he is doing is dragging you down! If you have kids,they don't need to see what a loser looks like.They need to be around positive people that contribute to society! I know this from experience, as my mom was " clinically depressed" and couldn't handle this thing called "life." he is using your pity to hond onto you. He is testing you and playing head games. Leave him before he drags you down even further! and it IS all about attention: his getting yours. I believe that all suicide attepmts is not a cry for help, but a cry for " look at me!!I need attention!" If he REALLY were gonna kill himself,he would have done so by now,not 9 years later. he is just being ignorant and trying to get your attention. Don't be gullible and let him do this to you! leave him,and let him "grow up" ,and tell him that if he loves you, he'll stop this bullsh*t,and go on with his life...without you in it.

Answer 3

When I first saw your question---I was going to say leave him but after reading all about him I have a little of both feelings--leave him or stay with him. He must have been very close to his dad. Is he on medication for depression? Because he took the initiative to go to a therapist, I would wait awhile to see how that goes. I think you really love your husband and should try to make a go of it. But also you can't go the rest of your life with him quitting every job--I mean you could go into depression yourself. Take care and I will be praying for you and your husband!

Answer 4

It's a positive thing that he is seeing a therapist. You may have to put your foot down again and tell him that he must continue to see a therapist or you will have no option but leave and try to start a life on your own. You did not mention if you had children, so I'm assuming not, if children were involved then you need to go as soon as possible. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with his issues, it takes a very special person to put up with that kind of behavior for nine years. Good Luck.

Answer 5

They are asking and expecting you to give up on someone that you love. Talk to his mother and family if your friends and family don't want to hear about it. I think your husband is having issues with commitment on the job sites..... and he is afraid to stay with one too long in fear that he will lose everything and time that he worked into it by dieing like his father did. Getting over a parent is different for each individual, and it sounds to me like he was very, very close to his father. I would continue the therapy if it seems to be working and helping him..... I would visit his fathers grave with him as often as he wants and replenish flowers together. I would not be so concerned and harping about him switching jobs so often or not.......... he is working and he is bringing home a paycheck. Now if he was to quit working all together, then I would admit him somewhere to get some real help and some real support. But for now, It sounds to me he is just looking for his place and his comfort zone and is taking time to find it. He is still greiving........ I wouldn't leave my husband when his emotional state is at beck and call........ I would fight to help and find the man I loved so dearly........ against all odds or friends and family. Blessed be. Marriage is tough, and it is a learning experience and a growing experience for both partner........... for sickness and in health, for better or for worse....... until death do you part. Those words mean just that.

Answer 6

I think u should decide why u married him at the first place; in sickness &in health?.....A marriage can last only if two people love each other, and it can last no mather the obstacle is, if love still exists, if u started to think about what ur friends and relatives think about this situation, it seems its already past some time, dont u remember the times u have seen nothing but only him, because if u dont, then dont bother, but being beside ur partner at the worst time is what makes the difference between marriage&dating, others are just paperwork

Answer 7

If he won't consistently get help for his situation then yes because that increases the likelihood that it is just about attention. If he makes honest efforts to fix it then perhaps, but then again in 9 years he hasn't kicked it so he probably never will, which probably means he just doesn't really want to. He gets some sort of pay off from it, its become his built in excuse for not feeling like going to work. Face it, if you weren't there to take up the slack he wouldn't have the option of just not going to work because he can't handle it, he would do it or starve. Whether to leave or not is about whether or not you are done putting up with it. I would be but I'm not you.

Answer 8

Its a life sentence. He will never stop this cycle.. Plus, you could be his enabler.. If you take care of him like a child then he is not forced to grow because he knows you are there to bail him out on the bills, etc.... I bet anything if you left him, he would get a job, keep it and do well.. You would probably be shocked at how well he would do... His mom is probably right... You can stay where you are but you will never be happy because this burden on your shoulders will never go away.. He needs to be on medication, grow up and be forced to get over his emotional problems without you involved in it.. I think you will be happier

Answer 9

The only way that depression could be causing this is if he would go into a depressive state. If he is on medication, he should function just fine. It sounds to me like he is just looking for a reason to job hop and blaming it on depression. I suffer from depression and I always stick with a job.

Answer 10

Sorry but you need to end your marriage. You are taking care of your spouse so he doesn't have to take care of himself. You deserve better.

He will never get better if you stay together because you will never stop taking care of him. You guys are stuck in this cycle. Also a real man takes care of his family, depressed or not.

By the way my ex played the depression card. Turns out his stupid a@@ was just lazy all those years. It was magical how after I left he got and KEPT a job to support himself because the gravy train ended when I left.