How to deal with mean, manipulitve, increadibly smart friend who holds a grudge!!!!???????????? HELP!!!!!!?

Question

hey people, really long description. please READ ALL OF IT and PLEASE HELP!!! this is really getting me down and tearing up my various friendships.
We have been freinds since elementary school, back when neither of us had any friends. she has always been teased by other kids, and she has some parents who are also grouchy and a sploiled, autistic sister. she has always been touchy and bossy, insisting that her opinion is always fact. sh'e appears to hate everyone but me. she always expects the worst of everyone and critisizes things she has no right to do anything but dislike. She is consantly sceaming the downfall of the people she hates, she often pinches me hard when i do something she doesnt like. there is a lot more to this story, but i'm running out of characters. go to this link to read the rest- http://www.tokyopop.com/abbychan/fiction/

Answer 1

From what I've read, you have a very abusive and controlling friend. It seems that you are willing to be the victim of her tirades and abuse. This is not a loving, giving, respectful friendship. You enable her to behave that way when you accept that behavior and don't speak up.

You cannot change anyone who does not want to change and since you "accept" her behavior, she will never feel that need to change. As long as she has you for a friend, she has someone who accepts her, bad behavior and all.

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound much like a friend to me. It's like having a friend that's an alcoholic. Unless you help them to accept that they are an alcoholic, you are enabling their alcoholism as much as if you were putting the drink in their hand.
Sometimes friends need to take the risk of losing that friendship so that at least one person is truly honest about them.

Surprisingly, she may not even be aware how bad her behavior has become. After all, the most important person in her life, you, find it acceptable. Obviously you've invested a lot of time and patience into this friendship and don't want to end it, but without honesty and trust, what kind of a relationship it is really? If it can't stand up to honesty, was there really anything there worth all of your efforts?

If you insist on keeping this relationship/friendship then go to an Al-a-Teen meeting. You will get to know some people first hand who live with demanding, controlling people. Learn how they cope with it and see what they've learned. Maybe they can give you advice on a more personal level.

Answer 2

Use additional details, it's a Y! Answers feature.

And here's the smart thing. Tell her she's a nut, that you've tolerated her too long, and that her behavior toward you proves it. Instead of dealing with her, run away and forgive yourself for any hurt you think you've caused, because this person is not a friend, she's arrogant and abusive. Don't try to outsmart her. Even if you can, the very act isn't smart at this point. Escape and seek protection, for it would be no suprise if she were to come after you.

Or just avoid her as the previous answer says.

PS. The page in your link appears messed up.

Answer 3

I did not go and read the rest.... I am dealing with this sort of thing myself...... not as a friend but in the family...... these kinds of ppl will not change and if they do, they have to make the decision to do so, we can not make them..... I dont know about you, but as for me, I cant live that way...... I tried, and failed to make myself put up with it for the sake of family..... but there is a line in the sand now..... I will NOT cross it and they better not.... ppl like this can wreck a friendship or family fast..... I had to make the hardest decesion of my life to put this person OUT of my life, and that also meant leaving behind a few others too.... an abusive, mean, hateful, selfcentered person is NOT a friend.... ppl do not treat each other with disrespect such as this.... so do NOT feel bad if and when the time comes you have to move on with out her...... you have the right to be treated with respect....... God bless

Answer 4

Just my opinion...

Wow it sounds like you have a mean spirited diva on your hands! I'm going on a limb here and figuring you are in your teens? Take it from someone in her 30's that friends come and go. TRUE friends will not push or make you do something you don't agree with. If you like this girl (Emily) then tell your rude friend you are her friend and that's final. If she doesn't like it she can take a hike. She is putting you in a difficult place and is trying to control you. Be firm and tell her if you want to remain friends then she needs to take it a notch down. She isn't your keeper dear. Don't back down from her. She is a bully. If she doesn't like what you say and treatens to not be friends then that is her loss, not yours. Honestly though, I think she isn't worth your time. I think your sense of loyality to this friendship needs to expire. You have other friends so spend time with them. Tell her to take a hike. She might even realize how childish she really is.

Answer 5

Dont fight with her,dont hurt her,dont annoy her. Just keep away from her for 2 wks to 2 months. Avoid her. Dont let her see u. After about a month if she comes & visits ur house be nice to her. Try that it`l work & she`l be understanding.

Answer 6

I'd pinch her back so damn hard and tell her try that **** again and next time she'll be picking her *** up off the floor. Then I'd walk and never look back. She has problems and she best overcome them as people aren't going to put up her with her ****.

Answer 7

if not being Friends with her is not an option then i guess you're happy being her chew toy. she has no respect for you, why would you be a friends with anyone like that? she abuses you according to your continuation on jpop. she's not going to change, well maybe for the worse, and you put up with it why should she change? it's called a co dependent relationship, it's not healthy

Answer 8

properly, that's been 40 3 years for me and the pouting in no way stops. I merely go on with issues and faster or later he starts off talking and appearing like a grown up back. My toddlers in no way understood why their father acted like that, because of the fact he does no longer confer with them the two while he became in considered one of his sulks. they are grown now and comprehend his issues stem from starting to be up in an abusive relatives individuals. He became in no way allowed to make any judgements for himself and whilst an grownup that trend from his mothers and dads persevered. the two considered one of his mothers and dads are nonetheless residing on the instant and as they want greater help themselves they nonetheless attempt to regulate all aspects of his existence. i might inform you to run. that's too previous due for me.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you should stay away from her.


It sounds like you know that too. Make some new friends with nicer qualities.

Answer 10

no need just get rid of her yesterday,but u already know this u just wanted some one else to blame for the pain u will suffer as a result ! ok ,ok blame me . p.s yur welcome now go play in the rain