if my wife desires so many changes from me isnt she telling me she does not like the person i am?

Question

i understand no one is perfect and sum compromises in marriage is absolutely neccessary but if 1 person tells their spouse there needs to be many major changes from you doesnt that say they dont like the way you are and how could this person possibly love you seious answers only ty

Answer 1

Sounds like you need some marriage counseling.

Every marriage has issues like this - but it's usually not about "I don't like this about it" it's USUALLY more about "I don't like the WAY you do this" - such as being called lazy, or sloppy. What it really means is she wishes you would pick up after yourself, or she feels she does more work around the house than you. Those SOUND like personality digs, but they are more action oriented.

however, you should be able to talk about these things, and there are probably things you wish she did differently.

But this sounds very ONE sided, and very extreme. I am SURE she loves you... but you guys may need counseling to mediate these discussions. She might not have ANY IDEA how often she disparages you our exactly how it makes you feel. Therapy can cut to the core of the impact this has on you AND teach her how to phrase her concerns in a way that it won't sound like a personal attack. It will also help you learn how to communicate with her better when she does talk down to you. Please consider it

Answer 2

It all depends on what she's asking you to change. You weren't specific with your question. Are there any bad habbits that you should be changing? Maybe, she just wants to make you a better man, husband, companion. If she doesn't want you out late with the guys, watching porn or if she doesn't want you to spend so much time and money on XBox games, it's understandable. If she wants to change other things like your diet, hobbies (that are not an addiction), the way you dress, your financial adviser, etc, then she's probably a little too controlling.

Answer 3

Is she asking YOU to change, or for some of your HABBITS to change. There is a significant difference. For example, I love my b/f... very much. But some things he does irritate the skin off my bones. Like, why does the TV have to be on 24/7? And why is it my job to always cook dinner and keep the house clean? I don't wish for anything about his personality to change, but I do wish he would change the way he did some things. I'm sure this is the case with your wife. If it's your personality she is attacking, don't put up with it.

Answer 4

not necessarily true because u need to know when did she want these changes to happen and decide if anything went wrong at that time? Also marriage is about give and take and about compromises. I think you both need to have a good chat meaning communication with each other is very important. i don't think that she loves you any less, but there are perhaps some issues that you both need to discuss. goodluck!

Answer 5

I felt the same way about my husband. I was watching this show and , he was saying if someone doesn't like something about their spouse they should just fix it. Like if your man is on the couch and the grass needs to cut..instead of picking a fight and telling your spouse that they can clearly see that the grass needs to be cut.. HIRE lawn care service. If your wife won't do the dishes hire a maid. You will always love your spouse just not some of the "things" that they do. What kind of things is she trying to change about you? You never said.

Answer 6

That depends on whether the changes are just about routines, or schedules or choices or about basic character. If the person is saying they don't like your iq, its not good enough, then yes she's saying she doesn't like who you are. If she wants your height or eye color to change, yes. If she is saying I would like for you to take out the garbage without me having to ask you 19 times, or I would like for you to bring me flowers once in a while, then no she isn't saying its you she doesn't like. Its simple...is it YOU she wants changed or the things you DO. Are her requests things that have changed since you got married..for example before the wedding you asked how her day was and talked and listened, after the wedding you couldn't be bothered to ask anymore? Keep in mind I'm just making things up but I'm trying to give you examples of the differences between not liking who you are and not liking your behavior lately. Yes the person could love you, there really isn't any such thing as unconditional love, and there shouldn't be, that would give people permission to treat their loved ones horribly and expect them to stick around...nobody is going to truly love someone that treats them like crap, everyone requires things of people in their lives, just like you require things of her. Even with our children we require (hopefully) that they behave a certain way. Its very possible to love someone but not love the things they do so much.

Answer 7

She married you, so she does love you. She probably just thinks there are changes you need to make in order to make your relationship better or it could be that she's changing and she feels you're lagging behind. As we get older we all change, it's a part of human nature...have a serious talk with her and tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't know that you feel so strongly abut her comments.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

I got to tell you here's another one I don't get. Women who fall in "love" only to seal the deal (marriage) and then do everything they can to "change' the man. You don't mention what major changes she requires from you but even small ones are enough to make me question her ..whatever happened to I love you just the way you are?

Answer 9

I would agree. If she wants to change practically everything about you. Sounds like, she's not wanting you. She wants what she thinks she can make you into. How can someone truly love you and want to change everything about you. Maybe she's comparing you to someone from a previous relationship. A relationship she wished she still had. Trying to make you into the man she really wants to be with.

Answer 10

I know where you are coming from...I am going through the same thing with my husband. The way i see it is your fine the way you are unless you do things that are unnecessary. Everyone is different thats what makes us all different and unique.

Just like I tell my husband ...they should of realized how you were before they married you. otherwise you know why they married you ...either for sex, looks, money, etc....I am not saying its always that way.

But just be yourself.