i've been with my man on and off since i was 17 years old (i'm 23 now) and i love him but i'm no longer in love with him. we have split up several times and hooked up with other people but we always end up back together but the last time we broke up i got to be single for a few months and i loved it, it was my first time being single since i had my son. in some ways i want him to leave but sometimes i wonder if i should keep him around just because my son loves him and because he is a good man and takes care of us but i wonder what about being in love? cause it's just not there anymore. he has asked me to marry him on several occaisions and even bought me a ring but we've been together so long it feels like we already are married and some even think we are. i know he is a good hard working man but should i keep him around or should i search for the love that i really want and need ? by the way last time i tried to leave him my family told me how stupid i was for doing it. HELP!!!!!!
2006-09-07 08:44:22 · 15 answers · asked by Mz. Tanning Bed Junkie! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thats hard
2006-09-07 08:46:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my husband when I was 18. We stayed together for 10 years, were married for 7 and had a son. But, we grew up. 10 years later we weren't the same people that got married. You are very young. You know what it's like to be single and you love it. Your desire to be on your own is only going to increase the longer you are together with someone you're not in love with. Yes, love is more than a feeling, but if the tingly feeling is gone, you're never going to do the work to make love last. Tell the guy that you really like him, but you're no longer in love with him, but that he's always welcome around you and your son b/c your son loves him.
2006-09-07 15:54:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jan S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You likely need to sit down and have a talk with him about this. If you don't mind being around him, then don't discourage that, especially if your son is involved (and doubly so if he is the father lol). A friend of mine has a relationship like this and they operate ok for being divorced. They still do things together, they get along for the most part, and they can help eachother out.
Its great that he helps to support you, but in taking that support from him, that isn't being on your own either.
If that is how you feel, then you need to establish the guidelines, you need to tell him how you feel about it.
Your family isn't going to understand, because they want what they think is best for you. I learned a long time ago however, while they are right to a point, they aren't always right every time. There are times when you need to do what you need to do to get on with your life and do things how you would like to do them. You control your life, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Explain to him that you want him around, as a friend, but not as a husband or to be in a relationship with him. Stop getting back together with him if you don't really want to be.
Best wishes for all of you.
2006-09-07 15:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by saintlyinnocents 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a good man who you claim you don't love ain't good but you have to do what make you happy.
Your family has to accept it whether they think your stupid or not because they only know what they see or think about the person and who truly know the whole picture of your relationship.
There are situations where you can feel like you have never lived your life because you have always been in long term relationships starting from a young age and when you get some Independence of single life you enjoy it and can't think of changing it no matter what.
Don't keep somebody around that you know you truly don't love them because you hinder their right to happiness by pretending your happy with them when your not.
Now if you already have a good man and you are going to replace him with another good man that doesn't make sense.
Now if your lack of love is because of things that happened in your relationship which shows everything isn't peaches and cream, you have a right in either case to do what makes you happy whether in the end you live to regret it or not life is full of risk and choices.
2006-09-07 15:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your confusing love with convenience. You already said that your happier without him, Don't be a fool and try to make yourself stay because "Your Eating". The longer you stay the harder it will be to let go when you really need to, then you'll be in a relationship that makes you miserable. That's no way to raise a child. At lease put some time and space away from him to decide what your going to do first.
2006-09-07 15:57:43 · answer #5 · answered by D 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not to fair to you, him, or your son to stay with together if you are no longer in love with each other. It would be a good thing since you separated so many times to just call your relationship what it is: Not what it once was and move on. Yes, you should communicate what you are feeling to him and be completely with him about these feelings. If he is not what you need, then you should move on. It would seem as though it would be best for everybody involved.
2006-09-07 15:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by cyncase007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes we take things for granite. You may think your not in love with him because you know you will go back to him and he will take you back. Give him another try, see if he can sweep you off your feet, but don't think of it like it is another time you are going to break up again. Take it seriously, if it doesn't work for you move on and good luck! If he is a great guy for your son, he will stick around for him, not for you, remember that and don't mess with his feeling either because that would suck. Good luck and give it just one last try.
2006-09-07 15:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by yes, it's me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep him around for what? If you're not in love with him then what's the point? U are just being unfair to both of u. Find someone whom you'll really love and love your son back, not someone whom you'll just keep around for convenience. U can always have him as a friend only.
2006-09-07 15:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to make it work. You have a son, and he sounds like a good man. Love is not just a feeling, it is an action too. Maybe if you acted like you love him, it will happen for you.
2006-09-07 15:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't stay in a relationship you are not happy in and you never stay in a relationship cause of children. If you two have split up so many times allready move on. Be you do what makes you happy. Good luck.
2006-09-07 15:59:26 · answer #10 · answered by barbara r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would hang onto him just to have around. But I would continue to look for that special somebody to marry and settle down with. But never let this dude go always have him around for the sex and of course your son.
2006-09-07 15:49:23 · answer #11 · answered by Princess1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋