i am 5 months pregnant with a baby boy and my ex. bf who left me wants to know partake in the pregnancy and be at the birth. He even wants to talk about getting back together but i have a best friend pat who has stuck with me through everything and i have been getting really close and i dont now what to think? my baby comes first but who should i trust?
2006-09-07 08:32:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i dont ant to get my friend pat mad he is attending birth classes with me and parenting classes.
2006-09-07 08:34:27 · update #1
friend pat and i have been friends since 7th grade we are now both 20 and share an apartment since i got kicked out of my dorm room.
2006-09-07 08:36:45 · update #2
my bf left after 2 yrs of dating saying he wanted a life not a baby.
2006-09-07 08:37:39 · update #3
think my friend pat and i might be getting romantic
2006-09-07 08:54:38 · update #4
Trust yourself. Nobody on here knows the details let alone your feelings.
2006-09-07 08:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by 93.5% Right 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, no one here knows you or your situations well enough to give you life advice like this. It's a big decision.
How does your friend Pat feel about your ex? Why would he get mad? Even if you chose to get back with your ex, Pat could still attend parenting and birth classes with you.
Babies scare men when they are not ready for it. The difference is, it is much easier for a man to run away and hide than it is for the woman. MUCH easier. So maybe he freaked out then realized he made a mistake. I don't really know. But do not EVER got back to someone just because you think you should. If you love him and he thinks he loves you, then go for it.
Remember, if your ex does want a part of this baby's life now he has a legal right to fight for paternity rights after the baby is born. Just something to think about. And either way, make sure you get financial support from your ex!!! You baby deserves it!
2006-09-07 15:42:45 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I am Sorry but I have to be honest with u men dont change and no matter how u would like then too, they wont I had to learn that the hard way...If he told u that he wanted a free life and not a baby , well that should tell u everything.Your friend has been with u trough everything and u are right turning on your friend who took u in after what your boy there did to u is not right....I Know what u are thinking ...he said he was sorry , he loves me , he was chocked and confused with the fact of u being pregnant ,he wants to be a part of his kid life and maibe even marry u.....Well like i said i wengt trough that got pregnant at 15 had my 1st child when i was 16...married the guy for the wrong reasons :1st: Im in love....2nd: my baby deserves a father 3rd he promissed he would take care of me and the baby......Well 10 years of hell mentally , fiscally and emotionally abuse , 3 kids ,and no school education or diploma or a job to give my kids a future, I finally divorced him.Now i have to start all over again the problem is Im not alone anymore....Having to get the kids ready for school , and go to college myself, come back ,pick up the kids do all the house work , get them to bed ...and ...do it all over again and again and again.....it is not easy..... Well i gess what im triyng to say is he wants to step up and be a father fine...But u dont need him as a man to be happy...God has blessed u with this baby and a lot of womem out there would pay million to be able to have a child and they cant..Your friend That is the one u should trust He was and is there for u wile the so called boyfrend left u with you baby.....Before u make your decision think about the future and your hearth my not be always the right place to look for ansers whem it comes to men...
Well may god take care of u ,Your pregnancy and your baby.
Good luck with watever choice u make.
2006-09-07 16:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like Pat has been your partner...your ex was just the sperm donor.
Ex has a right to be involved in the life of the child...he does not have the legal right to be part of the pregnancy. That is entirely up to you.
YOU are the patient and you don't even legally have to allow him in the birthing room.
He may be talking about getting back together...but that's for later ...right now you don't need extra stress and need to focus on the baby. Not only that...but he's left once before already...you don't need to deal with him leaving again and upsetting you all over again during this very very stressful time for you.
I would just tell him honestly, "I think it's great that you now all of the sudden want to be a part of this and maybe later I'll need you to be, but you bailed on me and someone else stepped into to help me...and I'm not going to turn my back on my friend when he was there for me when no one else was. Not only that...but for the safety of the baby and of this pregnancy, I can't risk that you are going to change your mind again and upset me all over again, it's not good for the baby. So for now, we can "be friends" or whatever...but I need to do things the way I see fit for me and the baby and right now...you are the least of my priorities."
You have every right to set up some rules that will help protect you and baby.
2006-09-07 15:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't both of them be there? Maybe your ex should be there, so he can start to bond w/your son right away. He needs to experience that too. Pat, your friend could be there to support you though. You need someone who's going to be worried and focused on your needs during that time. That's nice you have a friend who wants to be there for you like that. You're very lucky. Getting back together is on you. Being together because there's a baby is not a good enough reason. You have to really decide if it's a good thing for you or not to be back w/him.
2006-09-07 15:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by ninkmann2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-bf may be the father but your friend Pat is being the parent. Your ex-bf should be allowed and encouraged to be a part of the child's life but you do not have to allow him to be at the birth. Pat has earned that right. Your ex-bf may have been momentarily distracted by some one else and it will probably happen again.
Pat is obviously the choice.
2006-09-07 15:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GIRLFRIEND, can I relate. Im 35 and my bf of 4 yrs is now an EX and Im also 5 mo pregnant! I am now roomates with my best friend (of 23 yrs- sister in life) and shes going to be with me when I have my baby.
You need to ask yourself WHY your baby's daddy is your EX. Mine was a cheater..and always will be. I deceided I deserve to be treated better.
Baby desereves a chance to have a dad, but that doesnt mean he has to be your partner in life or at the birth of you don't want him there. If YOU want him there instead of your friend, then go ahead...have them both there...lol jks....or whomever you choose...but the main thing is YOUR COMFORT...trust me Ive had 2 kids before...labour and delivery is your job to do, ands its as hard as running a marathon..you make sure you are with the person (or persons) who makes you feel safe, secure, loved and comforted...without bringing added stresses
Anyone can come see baby right after and hold him and build a relationship with him (including daddy)
Goodluck :)
2006-09-07 15:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by jennyjo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust yourself. I do agree with the one that said watch the ex bf. Because I will leave again.. And honestly. You have nothing to loose with Pat. He will always be there for you. No matter what.
2006-09-07 16:03:06 · answer #8 · answered by kjsmom_3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best advice is to play it by ear. The baby's father has a right to be there and I wouldn't discourage him if I were you. Worse case scenario would be that your child has 2 father figures that are ready to be a part of his life and if you as me that is a bonus. Granted there may be hard feelings for your friend Pat...if he keeps the best interrest of your son in mind he will be ok with his biological father being a part of his life.
2006-09-07 15:37:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just need to trust your self. I would let the real father be there for the birth because it is his child. But if you want to be with someone else then that is what you should do. HAve your new friend be there for the actual labor. But when the baby is born then have trhe father come in. Its really up to you.
2006-09-07 15:38:18 · answer #10 · answered by sweetone12 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when you needed you boyfriend most he left,he didn't want you or the baby then. who will you have when he decides he wants to leave again if you make Pat mad?you have to think who's going to be there for the long haul.(not for a little while.)
2006-09-07 15:47:28 · answer #11 · answered by nancy b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋