won't let himself get intimate with me anymore. 14 yrs of marriage. He talks about it all the time, but no action. Also I feel him withdraw from me when I try to hug and kiss him. Hes been acting like this for almost 2 yrs now. I am so tired of being rejected by him. Because of it I feel ugly and unwanted. I have been a good wife, I cook, clean and would do anything for him. What have I done other than just love em. Why is he doing this to me. Does he not love me anymore?
2006-09-07 07:22:22 · 31 answers · asked by Sunflower 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't believe hes cheating, cause I take him to work and I pick him. He can't drive. Could it be because I have put a few lbs on since we first got married. Maybe he is not attracted to me anymore!!!
2006-09-07 07:29:01 · update #1
I have tried so many ways to rekindle things, but nothing is working, from grabbing his u know what to you name it. I do think he has some sexual issues though, but I am not the one he needs to talk too if thats the case. He will not do any counseling of any kind..
2006-09-07 07:34:04 · update #2
We have talked and talked and talked, he says he is sorry and he said he will change and that what I am saying is right. I am beginning to believe that "he don't want me, but he don't want anyone else to have me either" therefore he feeds me with promises and never follows through
2006-09-07 07:47:04 · update #3
We have talked and talked and talked, he says he is sorry and he said he will change and that what I am saying is right. I am beginning to believe that "he don't want me, but he don't want anyone else to have me either" therefore he feeds me with promises and never follows through
2006-09-07 07:47:07 · update #4
We have talked and talked and talked, he says he is sorry and he said he will change and that what I am saying is right. I am beginning to believe that "he don't want me, but he don't want anyone else to have me either" therefore he feeds me with promises and never follows through
2006-09-07 07:47:11 · update #5
Sue, we are in the same boat...I can't understand how my husband says he loves me, but yet we don't touch one another hardly anymore. He says it's him, and he's perfectly content to stay this way. I am not prepared to go through the rest of my life with my hugs and kisses. I honestly have not be so much hurt by not making love anymore, as by the no-touch policy we have now. What's up? I have no clue. I am a very touchy-huggy person, and I miss the laying down next to him and snuggling. The quick kisses just because. I miss that, I have cried and cried and yelled and accused him of affairs, but he's not cheating, I know alot of people won't believe that but he's not. He's just not into physical contact anymore. He won't go to the doctor, I have tried, and he says since he's fine with it, I should be to. I just can seem to accept this. I don't like it! What am I going to do about it, well, I have finally started getting a goodbye kiss in the morning and a hug ever once in awhile. So, that's a improvement, but without some counseling I am just not handling it every well. He's agree to marriage counseling, but says he's not going to do anything crazy or stupid. Now, I feel if the doctor told us to stand on our heads facing each other for 2 hours a day, I think our marriage is worth it. He doesn't feel like it would help matters, so we are at a impass, he's trying, I have to say that, but I feel like I am some horny old woman, and I am having to beg for a simple kiss. I don't like how it makes me feel, so it's my decision how much I can stand. I am not going to let this ruin my life, I have all ready let it ruin my health to a certain degree, and I can't do it anymore. So, I promised myself, if things aren't better, I am leaving, because I can't stand knowing what we had a very loving touching relationship to this........nothing...
Sue, please ask him to go to counseling with you. I pray that he will go, and if the doctor says stand on your head, that he realizes and says you are worth it. If he says know, how much more can you take? You are the only one that decide that. Some couples never touch, kiss or make love, can you do this and be happy. I am sorry to say, I am greedy-needy person. I want my hugs, kisses, and my husband who use to jump me while cooking dinner. If you can accept this, there is nothing wrong with staying your husband. But if you can't take this new lifestyle, then you have every right to move on. I am tried of reaching for the "cookie jar" and gets slapped. That's me, sweetie. It's not you, please don't think that. It's him and if he won't seek help or work on the problems...then there only 2 choices....accept it and live with it or leave...... I am so sorry, but I have been dealing with 2 years myself, and I just so tried. Just like you, and for my mental and physical health, I had to make the hard decision. I love my husband with all my heart (26years) and he's my air that I breath. But I can't deal with it anymore if I can't at least get a few hugs a few kisses without asking for them or him acting like it's a chore. He loves me I know that, and I am sorry that I can't accept it, but I think my needs are just as important as his....just like your needs are just as important as his. Please e-mail me if you need to talk, we need to form a support group, because believe it or not , we aren't alone......
God bless us all..............
2006-09-07 07:45:57 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, talking about it all the time and actually doing it are two completely separate things. I've been married for almost 18 years and I have learned the hard way, that what it took to get him, is also what it takes to keep him. So put away the mop and the dust pan, find a sexy nighty and spice it up a little. Surprise him, catch him off guard and wake his butt up! I'm sure he loves you, he's more than likely just stuck in the routine of life.
I read some of the other answers and although I agree that it may be a sign of cheating, I'm one of those positive thinkers and would rather start from a simple approach. If you jump on the cheating bandwagon, it's a long road that often ends in heartache. I'd hate to think that, or have you be quick to jump to that conclusion. Because once you put that doubt in your mind, it never leaves.
2006-09-07 07:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have some bad news for you Sue The thing is that he could be screwing some one at work I mean when he is suppose to be working it happens all the time The man I am married to he use to work with his ex-wife and they would screw at home before going to work and he would screw her at work as well he was having s.e.x 3 to 4 times a day!!! between work and home so just CZ he is at work don't mean any thing he is doing it i would be betting on it plus my hubby's brother had to fire a security guard for screwing on the job with a prostitute yea he is messing around on you and the only way to find out is get to no some one else that works there and have them spy on him if you ain't getting it from him than some one is getting it from him I don't know any man in less he can't get it up that would go with out s.e.x beleive me or don't your choice!
Also another idea if you have put on a few lbs try walking a little every day it don't take much to drop a few lbs and some guys would tell you but even a few lbs could make them turned off not ever body but some so set a goal to get rid of those lbs also try a mini tapoline they only cost about 29.00 dollars and they are fun and they are the best form of exercize lose weight quick and then one time you go to pick up the hubby wear just a sexy nighty under a long trent coat and give him a quick peak under the coat in the car and if he still loves you and that will diffenently get him feeling the spice and get him in the mood plus how do you dress i was married to my ex for way to long and I put on to much weight and I dress comfy instead of sexy and that is half the problem it is not as much what you have as well how you display it so get a fashion mag or call fashion ergency see if they can help you find new close good luck!!!!
and try these web sites to:
http://www.loveswing.com/video.htm
http://www.tryliberator.com/
They will spice up a dead marraige good luck!!!!
2006-09-07 08:27:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid of some of the answers you'll get on here. I think people on Yahoo Answers are too quick to say things like "Leave him." and "Dump his ***." Maybe that 'is' in fact what needs done, but based on what you've said, I don't think we're in any position to suggest you end the marriage.. Two years is a long time. Too long to just call a 'slump' or 'rut'. I'm assuming that he doesn't respond to you trying to initiate intimate things? If you haven't, then do so. Maybe all he needs is a little jump start from you grabbing him after he gets out of the shower and having your way with him right then and there. Things like that may seem cheesy or sleazy,etc, but it's fun for both of you and it may very well be exactly what you two need just to get the ball rolling. Momentum is a big deal, if you haven't already, try to get things going in the right direction. Don't be afraid to be aggressive.
2006-09-07 07:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You make it sound like it's a conscious choice of his in an attempt to punish you, which is highly unlikely. Sure, ask him if he's angry with you, but take him at his word if he's not. There could be lots of reasons: stress; an affair; depression; excessive substance use; erectile disfunction; dissatisfaction with the marriage; performance anxiety; etc. You must strike up a dialogue and find out from him. Tips: set up a "meeting" with him ahead of time so there will be no distractions; be positive; do not accuse; keep an open mind; listen to what he says; nod your head and ask follow-up questions; don't be defensive; and tell him you love him and miss him physically.
2006-09-07 07:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to force the issue. If he's not willing to go to counseling, you've talked with no results, and you know for a fact he's not cheating... I suggest you go back to just doing the little things to please and attract him. Whatever you do for him, don't have the intentions that it's going to lead directly to sex.
ALLOW him to be the aggressor and the one to initiate sex... men must still feel as if they're in control and the 'hunter' so to speak.
Finally, please stop grabbing his 'you know what'... it's a lot more sensitive than you think and it is NOT a turn on.
Good luck...
2006-09-07 07:57:59 · answer #6 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry you are going thru this because i have gone thru it myself.... i separated from my husband because of that reason and some more... my advice to u is talk to him and if it continues then it is time to separate.....may be he will take so time and you take so time to figure out what the problem is... it could make or break your relationship but you are not ugly or unwanted and if it is not working then it is best to end it and move on.... it hurts the separation is hard but sometimes its better this way then u being unhappy for the rest of your life.... it did work for me so it might work for you.....keep your head up and you are beautiful dont give anyone the satisfaction that your are not beautiful enough for them especially your husband!!!!!!!
2006-09-07 07:29:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He might have Erectile Dysfunction. It is very common among middle aged men. Maybe he is not aware that he has it or may be embarrased. Try to rule that out before jumping to conclusions of infedelity. Good Luck and keep a level head.
2006-09-07 07:32:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need to talk, or may be go to a counselor. He may be afraid to tell you, but he may need to see a doctor. It may or may not have any thing to do with you, It is just that he is not facing the issue, or don't know how too. It is a macho thing, and he can't except it. Just say to him Honey, I am their for you no matter what, and keep doing nice things for him.
2006-09-07 07:40:51 · answer #9 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a very distinct possibility that the problem isn't that he's cheating. It very could be performance anxiety...or for men...ED (erectile disfunction) he may be afraid to fail and feel less than a man.... Might want to approach him and reassure him... even offer to go to the doctor with him if he wants. He needs to know that you don't consider him any less the man.
2006-09-07 08:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by john s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋