If you knew a person was lied to about their father, would it be ok to tell them who their real father is?

Question

I know siblings that grew up thinking one man was their father when in fact their mom had a long-term affair with another man and they are the result. A *lot* of people know their mom has a rep and also suspected the kids were illegitimate. The siblings are several years past 18. Should they know?

I'm sort of torn between let sleeping dogs lie and Doesn't every person have a right to know the truth?

I think maybe the older boy knows something but the younger one may not. They look like their real dad anyway. They do have 2 older siblings that were actually fathered by the man they think is *their* father. Their mom would even take vacations with "uncles" while she was still married and the kids were small. Seems to me now they are older they would remember that and realize what mommy was doing.

Answer 1

My 2 youngest kids are not by my ex husband and he knows it b/c we stopped having sex before they were conceived.After our divorce he got custody of the kids b/c the judge said he was more financially stable(whatever that means).I tried in court to prove he wasn't the father but the stupid judge said the subject was never to be brought up again,b/c my ex husbands name was on the birth certificates and we were married when they were born.He does not treat them as well as the 2 oldest which are his.I feel that is very unfair.b/c my ex told my now 21 yr ld about the situation,when he was 12.So when my youngest daughter asked me about whether my ex was her father,I told her no.I then told her who her real father is and she wasn't upset b/c she was around him alot b/c he was my best friend.My ex husband then got the court to not allow me to see my youngest kids for 4 month,b/c I told her about her real father.I think she had the right to know.I think she has known she wasn't my ex's daughter for a long time..I do not think it is fair to the kids not to tell them who their father is.I don't feel the court or my ex husband should not allow the information be given to the child.Everyone has the right to know where they came from and I believe children can "feel it" when the parent is not their real parent.

Answer 2

well i'am sure everyone does not feel the same as i do but here i'am 57 year's old and just now finding out the man i was raised to know as my father really turn out to be a lie. i found out by accident just looking at my photo's and remembering the man that live 2 door's down from me as a child was he was my real father was. after finding out on my own i started asking question from sister's and brother's that was older and alived and they admitted they knew all the time. but did not want to tell me i was so angry, for them keeping a secret so long .everyone knew but me

Answer 3

I do not think that is your place to tell them. She knows who her Father is, the one who was their for her all through her life. It takes more then a sperm donor to be a father.

Answer 4

my ex bestfriend lied to her son for years about who his father is. frankly she didn't know..it could have been one of 2 people and i told her son when he was 18. i gave him both their names and the last info i had on them.

Answer 5

It is not your place to tell them unless you are one of the parents.

Answer 6

If you were in their position, would you want to know?

Answer 7

it's not really your responsibility to tell them so i'd say stay out of it.

Answer 8

iwould want to know/ that way they can trace family that they might never know they had..............i had a half sister i never knew about until after i was 20-----family ties and honesty are very important.....................................