Why am I being treated this way?

Question

I am 18 years old...A high school graduate, and a college freshmen! I still live with my parents because they say that I can't move out until I finish college; however, they won't allow me to friends houses that live by themselves (hello!!! we're out of high school...isn't that time to move out?), if I go somewhere I have to ask, if I go somewhere at night I have to be home by like 11....WHY ARE THEY BEING SO OVER PROTECTIVE...WHY ARE THEY TREATING ME LIKE I'M 12? I've never been in any trouble, never done anything wrong for them not to trust me...They allowed my older sister to move out at 16 and my older brother came and went as he pleased...I'm not the youngest and I don't know why I'm being treated this way~ HELP!

Answer 1

Do you know your parent's last experiences with your siblings (especially your sister). This will definitely be a way to see what your parents are trying to protect you from.

There really is no rational answer for this problem that you are having except their mindframe for doing this. Sit down with them and ask them what are they protecting you from and what will help them feel more secure while you are out.

If that doesn't work nickle and dime your curfew 15 to 30 min (ensure you ask them first, ask for 15 min more a week) at a time until you get the desired time you want. To get this will take some time but have patience and definitly get a cell phone and volunteer for them to call you at all times while you are out and ensure you answer their phone calls at all time.

Before you implement the plan remember that they might be allowing their fears to guide their decisions.

REMEMBER BE PATIENCE !

Answer 2

I've been on both sides of this problem. Your parents are indeed being over-protective, but considering some things that go on in this world today, they may be at least partially justified. On the other hand, knowing where you are is a reasonable request.At 18, you're a little old for grounding and I'm not sure how else they would punish you, so I don't know what makes you "not allowed". What do they say when you ask them the questions you've asked here.? Have you shown them this question? Did your older sister or brother get into some kind of trouble that your parents think might happen to you? I don't know how this will be resolved, but try to remember they love you and only want whats best for you.

Answer 3

The bottom line is that you are 18 years old which leagaly makes you an adult, being an adult means making adult decisions and dealing with adult consquences. Quite frankly if you want to move out they cannot stop you, however with moving out you have to be able to and willing to pay your own way. If they are footing the bills such as car pymt and insurance your phone, electricity, water, and college tuition and you go against their wishes you cannot expect them to keep footing your bills. If on the other hand you are already paying your own way (doubt that you are, but you could be) then there should really be nothing holding you back except for listening to your parents. Sounds to me that they are being overprotective but not altogether unreasonable obviously they want you to focus on your studies and stay focused on your goals. By letting you stay with them until you graduate you can do that because you don't have to worry about holding a full time job while trying to go to college which can be overtireing and very stressful. Also, by living with them you aren't as likely to party quite as much as the average freshman does in college, also keeping you focused on the reason that you are going to college. Maybe if you sat them down for an adult conversation and explained that you are greatful for their help and you understand where they are coming from however you need to take a break every once in awhile to do whatever it is that you enjoy doing they may let you start going out one night during the weekend or something. You do live in their home though so you do need to follow their rules. Best of luck.

Answer 4

If you are over 18 there is nothing your parents can do to force you to live in their home. UNLESS you don't have a job and have no means of support...and would more than likely be standing in line at the welfare office. If that is the case then you might as well stay where you are because while welfare WILL give you foodstamps, pay some of your bills they will also be tapping your parents for the cost of giving you those benefits...So if you really want to move out on your own get a job first.

Answer 5

I've had a similar problem. Just remember that your parents love you and they just want what’s best. They are being over protective and it's hard to be in your shoes. I am almost 22 and still have a curfew and can't do certain things while living under their roof. But awhile ago I sat down with them and had an adult talk about it. In the past I had blown up about it all and that had gotten me no were. In fact it just made my parents more anal. But after I sat down with them and had a face to face adult talk and told them that I wasn't a child any more. I told them that if we didn't come to some kind of compromise then I needed to move out. At one point I did move out. But they need to know that you are and adult. But you still have to abide by their rules if you are to live under their roof.
Now things are better. I still have a curfew but I set the time that will be. I still have to check in when I come home but I do that just for curtsy. Just remember life could be a whole lot worse. Be grateful that you have parents that care. Don't get to mad when your parents are total morons and remember to prove to them that you are an adult. You have to show them through your actions that you respect them and that you are ready to make your own decisions Good luck with it all!

Answer 6

well honestly I don't know why other than that they care about you, but I agree should be able to have much more freedom. Some parents say well if you live under my roof you are going to follow my rules and that is understandable too. I would sit down and talk with them in a very mature manner and explain that you need more freedom, you have always been trustworthy, and remind them that you are an adult. If that doesn't work there is always the option of finding your own place.

Answer 7

ok well you actually answered your own question. they are treating you like this because you've never been in trouble or any of that mess. they are being overprotected because they know what you are capable of achieving and they will do what they can to keep anyone from getting in the way of that. they expect more out of you than your brother or sister.
but yes, they are a little overboard with it. have you tried sitting them down and have some one on one with them??? let them know you are of age to move out and if you have to do that to get a little more freedom than you will. if they are paying for your school, then they can use that against you and i don't know what to do in that case, that's kinda up to you. But i would try to talk civil with them, talk like an adult if you want them to treat you like one, don't lose your temper when they say something you don't like, or roll your eyes or stomp off (we've all been there)....just communicate with them and if they don't tell you what you want to hear the first time, swollow it and say OK and walk away nicely. then give it a day or two (this will give them time to think of how well you handled the situation) and if they haven't approached you about it, then talk to them again. it may take time to get what your asking for, but it could turn out to be in your favor. And never expect exactly what you want the first time, let's say you have to be in by 11, and you want to stay out as late as you want, maybe compermise before you ask for that much right away, let's say ask for 1 or 2am. see if you can't negociate something rather than throwing a fit for what YOU want.

Answer 8

I'm not old enough to move out yet..but I'm old enough to beleive that my parent's don't treat me with respect..I've never done anything wrong either and I think they're so impressed by us they want it to stay that way? I've already made up my mind to move out my 18th birthday. My advice to you is to save up some money and pay for a cheap apartment. If their name is on your car then I would suggest moving to a safe neighborhood close to your college..or just move in with some of your friends! If they're good friends they might let you stay there until you can save up enough money for your own place*
=))

Answer 9

my parents were just the same as yours. at the time i hated them for controlling my life so much, i always got in trouble for coming home late or not returning their calls. but now i realize that they did that for my own good. i finished college in 4 years and got a great job. if they hadnt control me the way they had, i might have ended up pregnant at a young age and with out a college degree or worse: in trouble with drugs or became an alcoholic. i am not saying that i do not have self control or whatever but they raised me well and with high standards; i will definately use those values to raise my own kids if i were to have any.

dont be angry at them, just try your best to excel.

Answer 10

Are your parents paying for your college? If you have scholarships, loans or grants then move out! Your parents can't force you to live at home. And they can't keep you from going places either. Unless their name is on your car, then I guess they could.

Have you asked them why the treat you this way?